Feeling for the pain of others is a fundamental midah in our avodas Hashem. In the English language, we find three similar words describing our feelings for another's pain: sympathy, empathy, and antipathy. For example: Yankel is very sick. Sympathy means that you say, "Oy, I feel so bad for him." If you are more sympathetic, perhaps you'll send him a card or visit him.
Then there is a higher level called empathy. Empathy means that you actually feel pain because of another's pain. In our example, you actually feel pain because you are feeling so bad for Yankel. "Oy, I can't eat. I can't sleep. I have a headache. I'm really not sick – but Yankel is sick – and that is making me feel sick, too. That's the highest level of feeling for another's pain.
Then there is antipathy. Antipathy means that you hear Yankel is sick, and your attitude is, "What do I care? What does that have to do with me?"
A perfect example of this is when I once was on a red-eye flight trying to sleep, and a baby in back of the plane was screaming non-stop. What would you do? One person was clearly antipathetic; he called the flight attendant and screamed, "Get that baby off the plane! I can't sleep!" Such a person only cares about himself. Some passengers were sympathetic, murmuring "Oy, poor mother. I feel so bad for her. She must be so embarrassed. And poor baby. He must be overtired and can't relax." Then there's the highest level, empathy. A truly empathetic person stood up, reached to the overhead compartment and took out a lolly, made his way to the back of the plane and offered it to the exhausted mother with kind words. Suddenly, it was quiet. The baby sucked on the lolly and relaxed. This person was truly empathetic – she felt the pain of another and did something about it.
The pasuk says 6:13 that Hashem commanded klal Yisroel and Pharoah to let the Jews leave Mitzrayim. Why is Hashem commanding Yidden to let Yidden leave Mitzrayim? The Meshech Chachma brings a Yerushalmi that Hashem commanded klal Yisroel in freeing a Jewish slave on the 7th year. In truth, this halacha was not relevant for right then, as they were still enslaved in Mitzrayim. Why then was this halacha taught now? Why not wait until klal Yisroel is free and this halacha becomes relevant?
Says the Meshech Chachma, even in MItzrayim there were yidden who enjoyed positions of authority. It was possible that even in Mitzrayim, yidden had Jewish slaves. The tribes of Reuven, Shimon and Levi had more prestige in Mitzrayim than the others and it was possible that members of these shevatim had Jewish slaves. That’s why Hashem commanded the Jews as well to set the Yidden free. And this is what the Yerushalmi is saying, that the command of shiluach avadim means that Jews who had Jewish slaves should free them.
Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz in Sichos Mussar says that this command of shiluach avadim was purposely said now in Mitzrayim and not by Matan Torah because it’s hard to let go of a slave you have for so many years. However, if the master felt at one time what it means to be a slave and then learns what it means to be free, then he will be happy to set his slave free. After he experienced the pain of slavery and the exhilaration of freedom, then is the right time to command the mitzvah of shiluach avadim. Klal Yisroel felt the pain of being a slave for so many years and now they were finally set free. This is the best time to command them on shiluach avadim. This is truly the way to feel for others – only if you yourself once experienced the same pain as your friend, then you can empathize with him. Otherwise, even with your best intentions, you can't truly feel his pain.
We find this same concept by the arei miklat, the cities of refuge. The pasuk says that Moshe Rabeinu separated three arei miklat before he was niftar. Asks the Midrash (Devarim 2:29): Why did Moshe see fit to designate three arei miklat now? If someone eats from a certain food, he will know what it tastes like. When Moshe killed the Mitzri, the next day Moshe went out and met two people fighting. After he tried stopping the fight, they scornfully asked "Are you going to kill me like you killed the other Mitzri yesterday?" The midrash says that the fighters were Dasan and Aviram, and they went to inform on Moshe. When Pharoah heard this, he said "Enough, I have to kill Moshe". Then Moshe ran away to Midyan, so Moshe at this moment was a nirdaf, because Pharoah was after him. Now Moshe knows what it feels like to be a nirdaf. And that’s why he felt he should set aside arei miklat for the nirdaf to be saved from the goel hadam. (If one kills accidentally, he has to run to the arei miklat. If he doesn’t, the goel hadam, the closest relative to the one he killed, can kill him).
The gemora Makos 22b discusses what is a gavra raba, an exceptional great man. Rava says, "How foolish are some people who stand up in respect for a sefer Torah but they fail to stand up for a gavra raba" Rava explains why: because in the Torah it says that at times you deserve forty malkus, lashes, and the chochomim come along and say it really means thirty-nine.
Question: we all know that there is an earlier place in the Torah where the chachomim changed a number written in the Torah. By Sefiras Haomer, the Torah says to count fifty days and the chachomim say to only count forty-nine days. Why doesn’t the gemora bring this example?
Says Rav Simcha Bunim, reducing a number is not enough to warrant the title of "gavra raba". Only when one reduces pain of his fellow yid can he be called by that title. When the chachomim find a way to reduce the punishment of a yid, even a sinner, then we can call him a "gavra raba".
Being "nosei b'al", carrying your fellow's burden, is not just a nice character trait. It is an integral part of being a yid. Most of us, as yidden tend to be, are not antipathetic. We do feel pain of others. It's just that it's easier to be sympathetic than empathetic. When you're approached for help or even if you just read about a person in pain, don't just "krechtz" and say "Oy!" No, we can do better than that. Put yourself in their shoes, try to think how you can ease their situation, and you can always daven for another. Empathy is the way of a yid.
