But, I want to also focus on another point in the story. Of course, all of us remember the gemoro in pesachim, and realized that the gemoro was misquoted. It does not say מאי חזית דדמא דידך סומק טפי דילמא דמא דידיה סומק טפי – ‘what makes you think that your blood is redder than mine’ (which led to the erroneous conclusion that I don’t have to avoid killing you if it will place my own life in risk). Rather, it says (as Chazal speaking to the person) מאי חזית דדמא דידך סומק טפי דילמא דמא דההוא גברא סומק טפי – ‘what makes you think that your blood is redder than the next person’ (which brings the gemoro to the conclusion that one may not bring about the death of another Jew even if it is in order to save his own life).
Naturally, we can’t judge this former yeshiva bochur if he – after enduring hardships that we can’t even imagine – forgot a detail in a gemoro (and especially in view of the fact that ultimately he did the right thing, and with genuine mesirus nefesh). But I think that the difference between the two is, in fact, very noteworthy, and very important for us to pay attention to.
There are 2 very different perspectives in life. There is one perspective that is self-centered,- דילמא דמא דידיה סומק טפי, why should I lose out, why should I have to suffer, what’s in it for me. It is an outlook that focusses on the I, on the me. I may be doing kindness, helping out others, behaving altruistically. But that is all part of who I am, it is all about me. There is no concept of putting the other person before me.
In contrast, the perspective that the gemoro introduces is the opposite. Who are you? What makes you decide that you’re such a meyuchas, that you’re so important? Maybe your sole purpose is to help someone else. Maybe it’s not about you at all, but about the next guy, about other Yidden.
We just marked rosh chodesh shvat, and we are in the last stretch, the final 10 days, of preparation for yud shvat. It is time when everyone is seeking ways to strengthen their hiskashrus. It is a time, naturally, when we think about the meaning of Rebbe.
I think that the definition of “Rebbe” is illustrated by the above. Every person, by his very nature, is more focused on himself (in the words of the Alter Rebbe הוא אוהב את גופו יותר בטבעו). As we learn in chassidus – even a tzadik who is filled with love for the Eibishter is יש מי שאוהב. In a subtle way it’s still about him,- he loves the Eibishter, he has feelings for Elokus. In short, we are all, by nature, דילמא דמא דידיה סומק טפי types of people.
The exception is a Rebbe. A Rebbe is someone who does not feel himself as a separate entity, there is no דמא דידיה סומק טפי, there is only the Eibishter. As Chazal teach us (and quoted in the maamar Bosi legani of this year) about the first Rebbe, Moshe Rabenu, משה משה ולא פסיק טעמא בגוי. Moshe Rabenu, as he was a living person, a neshomo in a body down here in this world, was no different than the way he had been as a neshomo in Atzilus.
Atzilus is where there is nothing other than Elokus,- איהו וחיוהי חד איהו וגרמוהי חד. In other olamos, there is some existence, however subtle or not. But for Moshe Rabenu he existed down here exactly as in Atzilus,- not as an independent entity, and not as anything other than bitul to Elokus.
[This is why for the Rebbe everything is about ahavas Hashem, ahavas haTorah and ahavas yisroel. There is no personal agenda at all].
And as the other great Rebbe, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, said about himself אנא סימנא בעלמא. “I am not an entity for myself, I don’t have any personal existence. I am nothing more than a sign, that proclaims and publicizes the existence of the Eibishter”.
As the maamar explains פנימשה כפני, חמה פני יהושע כפני לבנה. Moshe was like the sun, an unchanging light with nothing else mixed in. It is pure Elokus without any other metzius. It is the level of צבאות ה',- where all that exists is Hashem, and there is nothing that is not botul to him.
In contrast, the level of 'הצבאות is where there is other existence, other self, where there is a need to be נלחם עם הרשעים, to battle and subdue the yeshus and the self-centeredness, and imbue it also with G-dliness.
All of us are people for whom, to some degree, דמא דידיה סומק טפי, my needs take priority, my interests are paramount and my concerns take precedence. As much as we try to work on this, we can’t eradicate it altogether.
[There is a story about one of the tzaddikim who had a grandchild who was unwell. When the child recovered, they came to tell the grandfather, and they found him crying. “There is no longer a need to cry”, they told him, “your grandchild is better”. “You are mistaken”, he clarified to them, “I am crying because I realized that I had cried more for my own grandchild’s illness than I would for that of any other Jewish child!”].
But for the Rebbe it is all about the other person, about the Eibishter, it is דמא דההוא גברא סומק טפי.
All this has much bearing, I think, on our preparations for yud shvat, and our means of strengthening our hiskashrus with the Rebbe. By understanding a little bit of what the Rebbe is, it follows that the direction to connect with the Rebbe is to be a bit less דמא דידיה סומק טפי people. Put yourself, your interests, your agenda and your benefit aside, and do something for the Eibishter, for another Yid. Disregard the fact that this may not make sense for you and may not seem right for, and do it anyway because this is for the Eibishter, for Torah or for ahavas yisroel.
In the terminology of yud shvat, of bosi legani, this is what’s called shtus d’kdusha. It doesn’t make sense for me, for דמא דידיה this isn’t necessarily what I would be doing. But I put aside my own personal calculations and think only about the Eibishter.
During the time that the Rebbe was in Paris, there was a bochur, by the name of Heber, who connected with the Rebbe and would sometimes help him out. One of the activities of the Rebbe while he was there was a weekly shiur that he used to give, in gemoro, in a local shul.
One week the weather was terrible. It was pouring rain, cold and dreary, and no one was venturing outside. The bochur tried to convince the Rebbe not to go to the shiur. “In this weather nobody is leaving their home in any case. It will be such a burden for you to go there in this weather, and there is really no point”.
But the Rebbe disagreed. “Perhaps one person will come nonetheless, and if I am not there, then he will have come for nothing, he will not hear a shiur”. The bochur was not convinced by the Rebbe’s reasoning, and decided that for his part he would stay indoors.
However, subsequently, he regretted allowing the Rebbe to go on his own, and he went to join him. When he got to the shul, he saw that it was exactly as the Rebbe had said;- one person had showed up, and the Rebbe was delivering a shiur to that one person. After the shiur, the Rebbe said to the bochur: “You should know, that for a long time I was struggling with a difficulty in a tosefos in yevamos that I could not resolve. After this shiur it became clear to me!”
All this needs to be applied by all of us in a very practical sense: Each one of us needs to find a few areas in which we can implement the approach of shtus d’kdusha, of דמא דידיה not being סומק טפי. To sacrifice some of our sleep to learn an extra half hour, even though we’re giving up of ourselves, to sacrifice our success and do something to benefit another Yid (like the various examples in the maamar), or to give tzedaka not in accordance with the considerations of דמא דידיה.
Let us use these special days to implement the lessons of the maamar. Each of us should find the practical area in which we can increase in ahavas Hashem, ahavas hatorah and ahavas yisroel in a manner in which we pay less regard to our benefit and our considerations. And by each of us doing our part, we will bring about the return of the shechina to the world, and finalize the ultimate goal of dira batachtonim with Moshiach now!
L’chaim! May we all be a bit less preoccupied with דמא דידיה, and a bit more preoccupied with דמא דההוא גברא, and may the Eibishter translate our shtus d’kdusha into the final stage of istalek yekoro dKBH beku l’almin, with the immediate hisgalus of Moshiach Tzidkeinu NOW!!!
Rabbi Akiva Wagner
