After the Aseres Hadibros are repeated, Hashem tells Moshe, “Go tell them (lahem): Return to your tents; but as for you (ve’atah), stand here with me and I will speak to you of all the commandments...”
In a play on these words, the Imrei Chaim conveys an important lesson on communication. Those people who insist on being addressed with respect, he writes, with the more deferential plural form (as is customary in Yiddish when communicating with someone important), can stay home. But as for “you” (singular form), since it’s easy to speak to you as one friend to another, you can stick around.
It’s very hard to maintain a relationship with people who insist on being spoken to nicely at all times and demand apologies for any misstep, however innocent. Such people still manage to find fault even when we try our hardest. It’s so much more pleasant to build a relationship with someone easygoing who doesn’t rush to draw the worst conclusions and who readily forgives when we slip up and want to make amends.
So much of shalom bayis depends on communication. Although both spouses need to do their best to speak in the right tone of voice, using the right words, and at the right time, we also need to be receptive to the other’s words even when they don’t get it quite right. No one should feel a need to obsess about perfecting their communication skills and no one should punish anyone else for “misspeaking” from time to time.
