Ask the Rabbi
'SHIDDUCHIM' - DATING AND MARRIAGE
Regarding all events that transpire in a person's life, be they large or small, it is impossible to take into account all the eventual particulars and details, and each and every possible permutation. After all, a human being is extremely limited; it is impossible for him to conceptualize all the eventualities of each and every aspect and detail and their possible consequences.
Thus, to a certain extent, it is necessary for a person to utilize his faith and trust in G-d, that He will see the matter through in a goodly manner in all its many details.
The same is so with regard to a shidduch: It is literally impossible to find something in this world that is entirely perfect and it is also impossible to assess with perfect accuracy how matters will turn out.
If the most important aspects are quite satisfactory, then quite often it is proper to forego on minor matters that do not seem to be in perfect order. This is especially so, since one may only be imagining that these matters are not in order, when, truth be told, they are in point of fact quite fine as well.
An Everlasting Edifice — A Foundation of Torah and Mitzvos
A Jewish marriage is called a binyan adei ad — an “everlasting edifice.” The analogy of a marriage to an “everlasting edifice” is not merely a figure of speech, but contains also an important idea and moral:
In the case of any structure, the first and most important step is to ensure the quality and durability of the foundation. Without such a foundation, all the efforts put into the walls, roof, decorations and so on, would be of no avail.
This is even truer of the structure of marriage; if its foundation should be unstable, what tragedy could result! This is why a Jewish marriage must, first of all, be based on the rock-solid foundations of the Torah and its mitzvos. [Doing so ensures that] there then follows the blessing of joy and happiness of the beloved couple for the rest of their lives.
Creating a Perfect Union
Bear in mind that marriage is not only the beginning of a partnership but the beginning of a union, where both parties truly become one, united for life. [They do so] in order to set up an “everlasting edifice,” as mentioned in the text of the sacred [nuptial] blessings.
Therefore, it is clear that everything should be done in order to assure the maximum degree of compliance with the will of G-d, the Creator and Master of the universe and of man, whose Providence extends to everyone individually.
Even if it is but a question of hiddur [“adorning” and enhancing a commandment by being scrupulous in its observance], or even an extreme measure of hiddur, and even if there are some difficulties to overcome in this connection, no effort should be spared to do even that, because it is all for the added benefit of the “everlasting edifice.”
From a letter of the Rebbe, dated 8 Tishrei, 5722
Trust in G-d — A Key Element in Approaching a Shidduch
