The Gemara (Bava Metzia 87a) explains that the angels asked “Where is Sarah your wife?” in order to endear her to her husband.
The Gaon Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz zt”l (Sichos Mussar, 5732, Maamar 6) teaches us from here a wondrous thing: “Even though Avraham and Sarah were exceedingly righteous and modest, and even though they were already elderly, there was still a need to endear the wife to her husband, and we learn from here how far the matter of peace in the home reaches.” End of his words.
In truth, there is another source in our parsha for the greatness of peace, even between Avraham and Sarah, for the Gemara there brings further: “It is written, ‘And my lord is old,’ and it is written, ‘And I am old.’ Hashem did not quote her as she said it. The school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: Great is peace, for even the Holy One, Blessed is He, altered for its sake, as it is stated: ‘And Sarah laughed within herself… and my lord is old,’ and it is written, ‘And Hashem said to Avraham… and I am old.’” End of the words of the Gemara.
From this Rabbi Chaim also explains that even with Avraham Avinu, and even when it is a very remote concern, one must be very careful that there not be, Heaven forbid, the opposite of peace in the home, and the Torah teaches us thereby how important peace in the home is, and peace between a man and his wife.
How Far Peace in the Home Reaches
Rabbi Chaim says, “How far the matter of peace in the home reaches.” That is, if Avraham and Sarah, who were exceedingly righteous and modest and already elderly, still needed strengthening in this matter, all the more so every person. One may not say “for us this is obvious,” nor “we have already passed this stage.” Peace in the home is a matter that must be guarded at all times.
Caution Even from a Remote Concern
Sarah said within herself, “And my lord is old,” and Hashem altered and did not repeat her words as she said them, but said, “And I am old.” The concern here was a very remote one, and nevertheless the Torah teaches that one must be careful that there not be, Heaven forbid, the opposite of peace. If so, with such a remote concern, and between Avraham and Sarah, how much more must one be careful in matters that touch every home.
Honoring the Wife
The matter of modesty and the matter of the tent with Sarah our matriarch is also written in Parshas Lech Lecha (12:8): “And he pitched her tent,” and Rashi writes on this that Avraham first pitched Sarah’s tent, and only afterward pitched his own. The commentators explain two reasons: either because of the instruction of our Sages, “and he honors her more than his own body,” and therefore the wife must be honored first, which is expressed in pitching Sarah’s tent first, and from this Rashi learned that Avraham pitched Sarah’s tent first. Or because a woman is found chiefly in the tent, for she is the mainstay of the home, and it is written, “All the glory of the king’s daughter is within,” and therefore Avraham Avinu had to see first to pitching the tent of Sarah his wife, so that there would be no situation in which Sarah was not in her tent; see the commentators on the Midrash there.
It seems that both reasons are intertwined, because the entire honor of a woman is that she be in a state and place of modesty, and as it is written, “All the glory of the king’s daughter is within,” and so it turns out that by her being in the tent, he honors her more than his own body.
The Order of Honor
From Avraham pitching Sarah’s tent before his own, we learn an order of honor: the wife comes first. And both reasons that were given, that he honors her more than his own body and that she is the mainstay of the home, come together again. The honor of a wife is not only what is given to her from outside, but that we honor her in the place where she sits, in her modest place, and arrange everything so that she be there with honor.