By David Merovitz
It was a cold sad day. The clouds were black and heavy, and the winds howled through the streets of the little shtetl. At the end of the road, in a small, broken house, lay the great Reb Eliezer on his deathbed. The father of the Baal Shem Tov asked his crying students to leave the room so that he could speak to his son alone, one last time.
Reb Eliezer asked his son to come near and gave him profound, lasting advice:
“My son, do not fear anything in this world except G-d. Always remember that G-d is with you and watching over you.”
With these words, his holy soul ascended to the heavens. The Baal Shem tov watched closely as it rose into the dark sky.
Chassidic Stories. Magical Stories of Rabbinical Masters teaching and illuminating the world.
I remember, I would read them over and over again in the loneliness of my room. I was 17 years old and trying to figure it all out.
My teens were not turning out as planned: To no blame, my brother and sister were living life in their twenties, my mother was working all hours and focused on herself, my father getting by.... in a certain way I was very alone...
Fast forward, change creeps up on me and suddenly I’m the freak of the family. I’m not fitting in anymore. The formula is not working, I can’t get the equation right... I stay at home Friday night, they all leave. Stay home Saturday, no one around. What to do? Read. I have my books, my thoughts, the repeat button on Rabbi New’s speech from that Shabbos day. A Jew is a Jew is a Jew, ringing in my ears. Connection, we are not alone, we are one. Breath, I close my eyes and pull the covers over my head and drift away into a deep Shabbos sleep.
“One day in the summer of 1896, I was strolling with my father in a field in the country resort of Bolivke, near Lubavitch. The crops were almost ripe, and the grain and the grass were nodding happily in the gentle breeze.
“Behold G-dliness!” said my father. “Each movement of every single ear of grain and blade of grass was included in the Primal Thought. It is total completion, in Him Who watches and gazes until the end of all generations.”
Fast Forward: It is Shabbos night and it is cold outside, but warm in our house. It is 7:30pm, she is putting the kids to sleep upstairs, as I stroll around our house, 3rd scotch in hand. I flow between the flickering of the candle lights in the dining room to the kitchen table set for two. I see light and peace everywhere. She comes downstairs, and I take her hand. I feel complete, two make one.
As a young boy, The Baal Shem Tov would often venture into the woods, seemingly unafraid of the darkness or the dangers of wild animals. People asked him, “Aren’t you scared of being alone in the forest?”
He replied, “How can I be afraid when G-d is everywhere? In the forest, in the field, and in the village—He is always with me.”
2:30 pm, I’ve mentally prepared for this moment for years. It’s the farthest north I’ve camped and there are no humans around for countless miles. The plan, a long solo hike into the absolute wilderness. I came to find something and I am not turning back.
Show me your face Hashem! No more games. No more pain. Grace and punishment don’t mix. I am here but you can’t been seen. I am following you, stop hiding in the shadows. I want a clear sign that you are with me because I can’t take it anymore!
I hit my planned halfway point, put down my pack, take a load off and collapse on a tree. I’m nervous. I’m really nervous. I know there are bears in these woods and there clear signs on the ground that they could be near. Breathing is quickening, heart is pounding, this was a bad idea, a very bad idea. I remember my safe prayer “Adonai Li, Ve lo era” “Hashem is with me I shall not fear”
I close my eyes and calm myself. Take deep breathes. Relax...
I close my eyes, I feel with my senses. The wind in my air, the moss on my feet and bark on my back...I take in the moment for once in my life. I breath. I am not alone. I have never been alone. I have known it all along.
Slowly, I open my eyes, and to my surprise there is a deer 10 yards away. She’s looking right at me and I at her. Connection. This is my sign.
Fast Forward, I am a father, blessed to witness both son’s attachment to Hashem and to the fire of Chasisdis. They will need it, life is a battle, they will need Chasidis to navigate the rapid waters.
The thunder of water
Rushes to heart
Nerve endings up
Beats stop and start.
Crashing waves
Turns never cease
The pull and the undertone
Drag like a beast.
But Calm yourself now
Feel the intensity end
Rivers turn into streams
Around every bend...
Let go and just flow
Float in your dreams
He Guides me around
The Rocks through the seams.
Well, this is my chasidic story, I’m curious, what is yours?
