One of the few books written entirely by HaRav Ginsburgh is his masterwork on the relationship between husband and wife in light of Torah and its inner dimension. It is a dense and rich book that has spawned a vast literature on marriage written by many of the Rav's students. Still, this original remains a breakthrough volume that rewards the effort needed to learn it.
History
HaRav Ginsburgh’s output in all areas of Torah as well as in original Chasidic music is extraordinary by any standard. Gal Einai, the non-profit organization founded with the purpose of preparing his teachings for publication and distributing them has to date published over 200 full-length works in Hebrew. Most of his books were transcribed and edited by the Rav’s close students, but a few of them were written by the Rav himself.
The second volume written by the Rav himself, also known as “the brown books” because of their traditional brown cover, was published in 5747 (1987) and is titled, Shechinah Beineihem (שכינה ביניהם) meaning, “the Divine Presence is between them,” making reference to the famous statement by Rabbi Akiva: “When a husband and wife merit, the Divine Presence is between them.”
The book started out as a single article titled Shalom Bayit (שלום בית) that the Rav wrote in 5743 (1983). The article was divided into an introduction and 8 chapters printed by stencil on 22 A4 pages. He taught this article that year to his students at his yeshivah—Shuvah Yisrael—located in the Anshei Ma’amad building on Yoel Street in Jerusalem. As noted in the Rosh Hashanah 5786 issue of Wonders, this was one of the first yeshivot dedicated to ba’alei teshuvah. When the article was published, the Rav added many pages of handwritten footnotes to it, creating the final product with 207 pages.
Overview
HaRav Ginsburgh’s contribution to Torah learning can be divided into two main areas: method and content. Shechinah Beineihem uses his signature method of constructing partzufim or models that organize complex topics, but its main contribution is its content. Over the years, the relationship between husband and wife—from the shidduch/dating process to marriage and raising children—has been at the heart of the Rav’s interest. This volume offers what are perhaps the deepest insights ever written regarding the spiritual meaning of the second most significant relationship each of us strives to develop and sustain throughout our lives (the first being our relationship with the Creator). The depth of the Rav’s writing in this book, as in other “brown books,” can only be fully appreciated when listening to the classes he himself gave on it.
Recordings of these classes (in Hebrew) are available in our repository at www.galeinai.org.il.
The introduction in its final form is based on the verse, “One who has found a wife has found good and has won the goodwill of Havayah.” Its initial focus is on the negative effect of the ego on the connection between husband and wife, by developing what is usually overlooked in the verse describing Adam and Eve’s first encounter. Upon seeing Eve, Adam has three separate reactions, each expressing a different level of spiritual and psychological bond between husband and wife, which themselves correspond to the three archetypes in the Tanya: the tzaddik, the beinoni, and the rasha.
At first glance one might be tempted to argue that the book is written from the male perspective, that would be misleading. Though the Torah usually reads like a masculine-centered text, Rav Ginsburgh applies the important teaching from the Ba’al Shem Tov that every word in the Torah can be interpreted either from the masculine-right perspective or from the feminine-left perspective. In keeping with this principle, almost every idea is analyzed from both the husband’s perspective and responsibilities as well as from the wife’s perspective and responsibilities.
The notion that the relationship between married couples divides into three types is a powerful motif throughout the introduction. Incredibly, wherever the Torah speaks about marital relations, HaRav Ginsburgh reveals a tripartite structure that was hiding beneath the surface (or sometimes, in plain sight). In fact, almost every word in the introduction’s seminal verse is analyzed and revealed to contain three facets. The three-facet motif that repeats is based on the sages’ saying that “there are three partners in a person: the Holy Blessed One, his father, and his mother.”
Impact
Over the years since Shechinah Beineihem was published, there have been numerous offshoots from the book. The most well-known to the English-speaking audience is The Mystery of Marriage, edited by Gal Einai USA’s founder and legendary editor, Rabbi Moshe Wisnefsky. We will cover this work in a future column. In Hebrew, the book spawned a series known as Yayin Mesame’ach. We will go deeper into this series in a future column as well but let us mention that this series has become one of the bestsellers in Hebrew because of its approachable language, style, and format. Each volume contains about 30 short articles, which in simple language expand on one of the concepts already elucidated in terse and difficult language in Shechinah Beineihem. Another successful and popular offshoot is another Hebrew volume titled, Brit HaNissu’in (The Covenant of Marriage), which expands on the spiritual meaning of the laws of marital purity that were covered in Shechinah Beineihem.
Another interesting expansion is a series of mid-sized pamphlets titled BeOhalei Tzaddikim. Each installment was written in honor of notable weddings, usually as a gift to the participants, and covers the ideas regarding marriage and its covenant in some of the central works of Chasidut outside of Chabad. So far, the series has delved into the teachings of the No’am Elimelech, Rebbe Chaim of Amdur, the Bat Ayin, and Rebbe Menachem Mendel of Riminov. A fifth pamphlet focuses on marriage and matrimony in the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s Hayom Yom.
Contents
Returning to Shechinah Beineihem, here is a summary of its eight chapters and their main topic:
Chapter 1: If They Merit—the Shechinah Resides Between Them
The first chapter focuses on the fire between a husband and wife, being that the letters of “fire” are shared by the words “husband” and “wife” in Hebrew. Though in the context of Rabbi Akiva’s famous saying, the fire is viewed negatively, Rav Ginsburgh reveals that since it is shared, it also has a positive dimension to it, which he ties to God’s Name, Kel Shakai—the Name with which the Patriarchs and Matriarchs knew God. He then ties it to the light of the mind, whose initials also spell “fire.” After analyzing each part of this Name (Kel and Shakai) separately, the chapter continues with a deep dive into their connection with the seed of life. The chapter then ends with a long excursion into the two letters that are not shared by husband and wife, yud and hei, which are one of the most important allusions to the marital relationship known as “a whole and a half ” (yud is equal to 10, which is a “whole” relative to the hei that equals 5).
Chapter 2: Words of Love and Kindness
This chapter starts out with a seminal gematria—the value of “love” (אהבה) and “kindness” (חסד) is “mouth” (פה)—arguing that this is the true purpose of our speech. The Rav then goes on to enumerate and explore five types of speech between a couple that must be spoken with love and kindness.
Chapter 3: I will Be Lowly in My Own Eyes
The title is one of the central verses in HaRav Ginsburgh’s approach to the psyche, specifically, to the ego. He writes that the only true way to guard against anger and frustration, which more than anything else derails and destroys relationships, is to feel that one does not deserve anything in life and that all that one receives (especially through one’s spouse) is a gift from God.
Chapter 4: Trusted Friends
This chapter is based on the idiom, “a good wife is a good friend,” and like good friends, couples should be able to share everything with one another, including their faults. However, they need to be aware that a woman cannot share all that she feels because of her inner modesty. They must also be careful not to complain about their faults, always cognizant that all that God does is for the best.
Chapter 5: Patience
Husband and wife need to demand change from themselves, not from their spouse. When it comes to one’s spouse, one should strive to mimic God, “Just as He is patient, you shall be patient.” Patience goes together with humility, the two qualities of Moses, and they are the keys to domestic peace and harmony. Patience towards others is the key to the rectification of all our character traits.
Chapter 6: His Home is His Wife
This chapter focuses on beautifying the home with mitzvot, particularly the mitzvah of “a house full of books.” It also stresses the need to rid the home of any books that challenge faith and conceal Godliness in life. The most beautiful aspect of a home is hachnasat orchim, i.e., hospitality, which takes precedence over privacy, so long as one’s wife feels capable of having guests.
Chapter 7: The Israelites Will Safeguard the Shabbat
The initials of the words, “Israelites... the Shabbat” (בני ישראל את השבת) spell the word for intimacy in Hebrew, thus this chapter deals with issues of procreative intimacy between the couple.
Chapter 8: The Beauty of a Mitzvah is Modesty
Perhaps the most comprehensive chapter in the whole volume, this final chapter brings everything together. The focus is on how natural modesty between the couple is what holds a relationship together. Parts of this chapter were greatly expanded and improved upon in the English volume, The Mystery of Marriage, mentioned earlier.
