And now you know why there was a Lavan! It wasn’t an accident. You know, Lavan could have been a man like Yisro who was hospitable and pleasant; a philosopher, a man who was practicing all the mitzvos of the seichel, of the Chovos Halevavos. Why not?
No! Hashem placed Lavan there intentionally so that when Yaakov should come to Padan Aram, he’d find a Lavan who would cheat him at every step. It’s wrong to think that Lavan happened to be there, and despite such an obstacle still Yaakov rose to the occasion and became great. No! Lavan was an obstacle put there originally to make Yaakov great.
Attaining Taryag
And Yaakov succeeded because he understood that! He understood that Hakadosh Baruch Hu was putting opportunities before him and because of that awareness, that’s why he was able to become great. He was prepared for it and he achieved all the perfection that would benefit him and his posterity forever.
Now you know the real meaning of the Chazal that Rashi brings יּƒ̇¿רַמָֹׁ̆̇ו¿ˆƒמ‚ַי¿רַּ̇¿ו יּƒ̇¿רַּ‚ ןָבָל םƒע – “I dwelt with Lavan and I kept the Torah.” So people say a pshat, “I lived with a wicked man and despite that I kept the taryag mitzvos.” But learn now the real pshat: Yaakov was saying, “I lived with a wicked man and because of that, because of the way I lived with him, that’s how I became what I became.” That’s how we became the nation of Hashem that still keeps the taryag mitzvos. And it was due to the greatness of Yaakov, because he understood the principle of יםƒֹ̃ל¡‡ָה הָָׂ̆ﬠ ה∆זַּ̇מֻﬠ¿ל ה∆ז̇∆‡ םַּ‚.
Part III. The Wicked World
Getting Practical
Now, it was spoken here at length more than once about the famous statement, ma’aseh avos siman labonim – it means that the lives of our forefathers, Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov were prophecies for the future. And therefore we study the incidents of their lives as related in the Torah and how they reacted to them with the understanding that they are models for what will happen to their posterity.
And so we understand that this process of ̇∆‡ םַּ‚ יםƒֹ̃ל¡‡ָה הָָׂ̆ﬠ ה∆זַּ̇מֻﬠ¿ל ה∆ז – Hashem made one opposite the other is a process that Hakadosh Baruch Hu made for the Jewish nation. Avraham and Nimrod, Yaakov and Lavan, Yosef and eishes Potiphar, those are only examples. Actually it’s us. That’s what we’re learning now, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu plans our careers in the same way.
It means that just like our forefathers, we are constantly being given opportunities to attain greatness by means of the situations Hakadosh Baruch Hu purposefully places us in.
Only that what happens? We’re not prepared for it at all because we don’t understand the ways of Hashem in this world! That’s why so many people allow themselves to be overwhelmed by the opposition and they go lost. So many Avrahams are going lost constantly. How many Yosefs finally did yield? We only know the successes; the failures are not known to us. So many Yaakovs failed with their fathers-in-law. So many could have chosen success and greatness; Hakadosh Baruch Hu set the stage for them by giving them difficult people, difficult situations as opportunities to become great. But they didn’t understand what was going on.
Life Of Elevators
Now, this has to be explained and so we will quote from the Mesillas Yesharim. At the beginning of the first chapter of his great work he makes an important statement and we have to make our ears k’afarcheses, like funnels, to catch the following information: םָ„ָ‡ָל ם≈הֹ̇נוֹיו¿סƒנ םָלֹעוָה י≈נָי¿נƒע לָּכ – All the matters of this world are tests for man, everything is a test.
That’s a very important statement but first we should understand the word nisyonos. הָּסƒנ יםƒֹ̃ל¡‡ָה¿ו םָהָר¿בַ‡̇∆‡ (Bereishis 22:1) means Elokim uplifted Avraham. הָּסƒנ is a cousin of ‡ָּׂ̆ƒנ which means to raise up. It means that when Hakadosh Baruch Hu sends a nisayon, it’s intended as an opportunity to elevate one’s self to become more perfect; to achieve that for which we were created. That’s why we’re in this world. We’re not here to remain in one place; we’re here to make progress, to become better. And all of the things that come across our path in this life are for that purpose.
No matter what happens, no matter what event transpires, no matter whose path you cross, it’s for one purpose: to test you. That’s included in hashgachah pratis. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is concentrating on every one of the Am Yisroel day and night forever – that’s all He does – and everything that He’s doing is planned for your perfection. And the way you react to that test, that’s your success in life.
It means that every person that is sent to you is a test. Let’s say the person is bothersome, he is arrogant, he is a bore, he is not too smart, and nevertheless you utilize the opportunity to treat him properly, you have consideration for him. And at the end when he goes away he has a good opinion of you – he walks away thinking, “That’s a great guy” – so you have passed the test. He was placed there purposefully and by choosing properly you acquire a shleimus, a perfection, that will stay with you forever.
Life on The Rotisserie
Now there are all kinds of improvement, all forms of shleimus. We need improvement in patience. Yes, we have to learn patience. We need improvement in how we treat others. We need improvement in zerizus. We have to learn alacrity, to overcome indolence and lethargy. We need improvement in kindliness, in generosity. We need improvement in learning how to keep our mouths closed. A man has so many facets to his character and each one has to be smooth and solid. And that’s why Hashem is on the job. He’s sending you all types of people, all types of situations, that are capable of perfecting you.
We can compare it, let’s say, to when you buy a duck and you want it well done. So you hang it up on the rotisserie and the spit turns above the fire so that the duck should be well roasted in every cranny, every corner. That’s why it spins; it turns constantly so that no raw spots should remain.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu puts us through life on the rotisserie. He’s turning us this way and that way, giving us every opportunity, all types of “reshaim” to deal with so that we should be well done. But not only reshaim in the sense of Lavan. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re contending with evil men. If you hear this, don’t apply it in the wrong way. Bara tzadikim u’bara reshaim is only an example – that’s when you see it more clearly. But “He created one opposite the other” means everybody! People are different from one another – sometimes a righteous man has to contend with another righteous man too – and those differences were all planned.
Your ‘Wicked’ Siblings
That’s why you start out life as a boy, as a girl, because first you’re being tested, how do you behave towards your brothers and sisters? That’s an opportunity to sand down a lot of rough edges you have. You shouldn’t pass up that nisayon; you won’t forever be in one house with them. When you leave your parents’ house, the opportunity is gone forever.
So if you’re still young, still unmarried, you’re still in a house full of siblings, do your best to be successful with them. If you can get along with them, you gain the perfection for which that opportunity was created. Your brothers and sisters were placed there just for that. Hakadosh Baruch Hu chose just the right ones, with all those idiosyncrasies and quirks of nature, to give you opportunities to no end.
And also a father and mother. A father and mother are great tests. Not only so that you should fetch a glass of water for your father. Of course you should always say, “Ma, I want to serve tonight. You sit at the table. Let me have the mitzvah.” A yeshivah boy too. No harm if the son volunteers sometimes to wash the dishes. But more than kibbud av v’eim, it’s how you deal with your parents every day. It’s not always easy but the wise son and the wise daughter rise up to the occasion. And that’s why these parents were given to you.
The Perfect Wife
And one day you’ll be married and another opportunity comes. A wife is an opportunity and a husband is too. Marriage is given in order for a person to gain shleimus. That’s what eizer kenegdo means. He has the help of someone who is against him and she has the help of someone who is against her. Because a wife and a husband are two different kinds of people, two different natures.
A wife is not always honey. There’s sometimes a sting too. It’s only the Torah that’s compared to the perfect wife. The Torah is יהּ∆יַח י≈מ¿י לֹּכ עָר ‡ֹל¿ו בֹטו (Mishlei 31:12); only the Torah does good and no harm all the days of her life. But a flesh and blood wife is human. So the foolish husband says, “With this wife, I can’t make it. I just can’t with her.” But Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, “Look, I know what I’m doing. I’ve been in this business for a long time and you can trust Me – that’s the one made especially for you. She’ll test you, she’ll nag you, she’ll burn the supper sometimes, she’ll burn your feelings too, but that’s your success in life. That’s the great opportunity of life.”
When you become a mother-in-law or you become a daughter-in-law and you’re being tested; so what does the thoughtless daughter-in-law say? “If I had a different mother-in-law then things would be different but with this woman I can’t get along.” Oh no! This woman is the perfect one for you. Hashem chose her especially for you! What does the mother-in-law say? “That’s what my son had to choose?! Of all the fish in the sea, this is the one?!” And so both of them fail the test. It’s a test!
A daughter-in-law, she may have a difficult mother-in-law but she bears it. She tolerates the burden and always smiles; she’s always speaking with diplomacy, with kindness. And so she is going to gain the full measure of shleimus, that perfection for which the situation was created.
Landlords and Neighbors
So let’s say you have a landlord and it seems to you that he’s the meanest fellow in the world. He wants to raise the rent. Now had you been a landlord, what you would have done is a different question; but you imagine he’s not being fair with you. And therefore the question is what do you do about it. So the first thing is and the most important thing is to know he’s put there for you.
In some cases a man has a neighbor or neighbors who are there for the purpose of affording him opportunities; all types of opportunities. Opportunities to resist influence. Opportunities to be kind. Opportunities to be a mevater, to overlook things.
So here’s a man who has trouble with his neighbor but he doesn’t understand what’s doing. He say, “If only I had a different neighbor. If only I could move someplace else, a different block.”
No, no; that’s dodging your responsibility. Because all these people who cause you trouble are put there for your benefit. Hakadosh Baruch Hu has foreseen what’s going to happen in your life and He’s making use of His great principle of zeh le’umas zeh.
Living Emunah
Now, the examples and opportunities are endless; I’d like to talk to you more about the subject, but my time is up. I have work to do and I’m working overtime now. But we must not leave out one important point. All of our talk tonight won’t mean much unless we add a certain ingredient into the recipe; there is a certain something which is essential in this matter, and that is the ingredient of emunah.
Emunah! The great men understood that nothing happens by itself. They understood that every phenomenon is occasioned by Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and that’s why instead of being angry at what happened to them, instead of complaining, they understood that it was a gift to be utilized; and they rose to the occasion and made full use of it. And that’s why they succeeded. Not in spite of the other person but because of them. They understood that it was all planned, and that it was planned on the principle of gam es zeh leumas zeh asah Elokim.
Whenever we are confronted by difficult people and difficult situations, we have to realize they’re put there for our benefit. Emunah means awareness that we’re being put through these tests in order to have us well done. We’re in the rotisserie and we’re turning exactly where Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us to turn, turning to face exactly who He wants us to face. And if we utilize our lives properly, we become perfect in every facet of our character. We rise to the occasion by using our free will choice in the best possible way.
Have A Wonderful Shabbos
