Beis Adam L’Chaveiro
30. Yom Kippur does not atone for bein adam l’chaveiro aveiros until the person appeases his friend. Even if he only upset his friend with words, he must appease him (שו"ע סי' תר"ו ס"א ). This includes one’s parents, Rebbeim, wife, husband, brother and sister, friends, neighbors, people one hates.
31. Rest of the year. One must appease someone he sinned against the rest of the year too, and it is always worthwhile to appease the person right away so that he does not forget to ask forgiveness. Nevertheless, if one did not have time or forgot, he can wait until another day to appease him (מ"ב שם סק"י ) or until before Yom Kippur.
32. Erev Yom Kippur. However, one is obligated on Erev Yom Kippur to rectify everything so that he can become purified from all his aveiros, as the posuk says, “כי ביום הזה יכפר עליכם מכל חטאתיכם.” This also includes bein adam l’chaveiro issues, e.g., disputes and fights, telling and believing lashon hara, sinas chinam, etc.
33. Many make sure to ask mechilah from friends which were almost not harmed, but people who with one has real arguments and hatred, are generally forgotten about. In these days one should focus on the people who really need to be asked mechilah.
34. Seek peace and pursue it. Every person should do some inner reflection to see if there is anyone who he knowingly ignores and refrains from speaking to due to argument or hate. If there is, then now on Erev Yom-Kippur, one should try and eradicate that hate, pick up a phone and make that call to wish one another a good year. The harder it is for the person to do, the quicker Hashem will mochel us for our sins.
35. Monetary claims. If one has some money he stole from someone else or anything else monetary-related, he should make sure to rectify it before Yom Kippur, as that is the biggest accusation against a person. As Chazal say, “A sa’ah of aveiros – which accuses at the head? Gezel accuses at the head.” Thus, one who has a monetary claim against his friend should inform him. As a general rule, whenever it comes to money, one should not rely on his own rationalization, as the yetzer hara has lots of heteirim (חיי אדם מ"ב שם סק"א ).
36. Many bein adam l’chaveiro matters, e.g., theft or the like, also have an issur bein adam l’Makom. One must also do teshuvah on them to Hashem and do vidui before Hashem (מ"ב סי' תר"ז סקי"ג ). As long as one has not appeased his friend, thereby rectifying the bein adam l’chaveiro aspect, the bein adam l’Makom aspect of the aveirah is also not atoned for (מנחת חינוך מצוה שס"ד אות ל"ב, פר"ח סי' תר"ו סק"א ד"ה ומ"ש, פמ"ג משב"ז סק"א, חיי אדם ). The order is essential: one must specifically appease his friend first and only after that can he do teshuvah bein adam l’Makom (מנ"ח שם ); otherwise it is like going to the mikveh while holding something tamei (חיי אדם ).
37. Litigants. Also, people who have disputes about money or positions should resolve to go before a Jewish beis din; accept the beis din’s psak as the Torah’s halachah; appease each other; and create peace and harmony between the parties like brothers, friends, and people who love each other. That is Hashem’s desire: to see His children loved down in this world, and then they will also be loved Above. They certainly should not go to secular court, ח"ו , in violation of our holy Torah (see Issue 168 at length), as if one does so, it is like he curses and blasphemes Hashem; he makes a chillul Hashem; and he lifts his hand against the Torah of Moshe Rabbeinu (שו"ע חו"מ סי' כ"ו ס"א ). One who wrongfully goes to court should not be a shliach tzibur for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (מ"ב סי' נ"ג סקכ"ב ).
