Why did Yosef not tell his father where he was?
The Ohr Hachaim asks, why did Yosef not care for his father’s pain? Once he was freed from the dungeons, and he was no longer a slave, why would he allow his father to suffer so terribly? He knew how much his father loved him, he must have known how much his father suffered when Yosef was sold, and how much he mourned about him. Additionally, when the years of hunger began, why did he not care about his father’s sustenance? And when his brothers arrived, how was he permitted to lengthen his father’s suffering? Why did he not at least send a letter to him telling him that he was still alive?
We do know that Hashem decreed that Yosef would be apart from his father for twenty-two years. This was a punishment for Yaakov’s keeping apart from his father for twenty-two years. Additionally, these years lessened the two hundred and ten years that Klal Yisroel had to suffer in Mitzrayim. Also, Yaakov got to travel to Mitzrayim with great honor precisely because Yosef waited until his father was invited to Mitzrayim to show him the great honor that he received. But Yosef could not rely on any of this, he was obligated to honor his father and lessen his pain. Why did he not do so?
The Ohr Hachaim gives a reason for Yosef’s activities. Since Yosef arrived in Mitzrayim until Hashem freed him from jail, he did not have a single chance to contact his father.
Even if he would have had a chance to contact his father, he was worried that when his father would hear about it, his brothers would intervene and cause him real damage, and perhaps even kill him. They would be too embarrassed in front of their father to allow Yosef to survive. Alternatively, Yaakov would end up cursing the brothers and that would kill them.
After Yosef was released from jail and promoted to his job as minister for Par’oh, he still could not contact his father. He knew that by contacting his father, he would cause extreme embarrassment to his brothers in front of their father and grandfather, and Chazal tell us that it is best for a person to place himself in a fiery inferno rather than embarrass his friend in public.
Additionally, he was still scared of his brothers. Even after he had reached the pinnacle of success, he was scared that his brothers would find a way to make him suffer. The Medrash says that they tried to uproot him from the world, but the angel Gavriel prevented them. They had no problem redeeming him with their money, when he would be in their debt and would have to recognize them as brothers. But if they hadn’t redeemed him, he would stay angry with them and they would come first to kill him.
When the hunger began, he did not wish to reveal himself to his father or brothers. He was still in danger until he had been the one to feed them and support them. By serving them food, he showed them that he did not hate them and that they had nothing to fear from him. He also showed them how everything came from Hashem and that they could not take credit for anything.
Now they also did not have to be embarrassed in front of their father. Yaakov was no longer upset at his children for selling Yosef, because he too saw it as only good.
