And if you get busy with this program, if you show that you’re serious about it then Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, “You started something good! ָ אּהַ בְעִין לוָֹּהֵר מְסַ יּלִט – I'm going to help you. I’ll help you on Purim and I’ll help you all year long.”
And even if you’re only acting in the beginning, you’re only doing it because you heard me speak about it, but the acting is very important – תּוּהַ חִ י צ וֹ נִ י תּוּמְ ע וֹ רֶ רֶ ת אֶ ת הַ פּ ְ נִ י מִ י. The Mesillas Yesharim says: the outwardliness bestirs the inwardliness. It’s a true and tried rule: you keep doing and you’ll become what you’re trying to be.
Now I'm going to list three different forms of endeavor, of outwardliness, which we can practice; three programs in the area of raising up the kisei Kah. I suggest that we should try to work on them at least on Purim. And then if you’re a gibor, Shushan Purim too, even better. If you’re a chochom you’ll do it afterwards for a whole month. And if you really mean business you’ll keep going; you’ll do it for the rest of your life. If it’s a life program then ashreichem! You can become Purim-people all year long. Ashreichem!
Let’s Get Practical
Number one: To show a fellow Jew that you care about him by means of encouraging him, of saying kind words. If the world is not interested in making the Jew feel good then it’s up to us to fill that void. And therefore it’s a chiyuv; it's your work, your job to encourage your fellow Jews.
Search for ways and means of making your fellow Jew happy. Find the right words to be mesameach them, to be mechabed them, to encourage them and praise them; whatever you can do to make a Jew freilich.
Let's say, your wife. Your wife is also a Jew; is anybody telling your wife how important she is? The world will never appreciate the frum Jewish mother who’s bringing up frum children. Just the opposite; they look down at her. The truth is they despise her. So who’s going to do it if not her fellow Jew?!
Home Improvement
Start on Purim. She made a little something or a big something for the Purim seudah? Let her know how good it is. “Purim wouldn’t be the same without your soup or your hamantaschen,” whatever it is.
Practice up before Purim. She cooked for Shabbos? Tell her, “The chulent is delicious.” Among the things you say at the table, divrei Torah, the first should be, “Oh, how geshmak the challos are that you baked.”
Now, there are many many ways to administer encouragement in the home. Everybody must utilize his own judgment but there’s no question that you can tell her that she’s gaining Olam Haba every second that she’s busy raising the children, keeping a frum house; that Hashem is looking down at her and He’s getting nachas from her. “Chana, my dear, Hashem is watching you in the kitchen and He appreciates you!”
Right Back At You
She can do it too. Her husband comes home from business. All day long he had trouble with competitors and customers. He had tzaros. So he tells his wife and she says “Well, it's your own fault. I always told you that you can't get along with anybody.” She pours salt on his wounds.
That’s before she heard about this Purim lesson. But suppose she says, “You're doing a mitzvah. You'll succeed, don't worry. You'll win out. You're working very well for the family. We all need your money to support us. We're eating from your money, and the children are learning Torah because of your money. It's a big mitzvah you’re doing when you struggle with the customers.” She encourages him. Oh, now she’s doing her part in being mechazeik the kisei Kah!
Encourage Your Children
Encourage your children if they're learning well. Say “Chaim'l, I have hana’ah you're learning well.” Give him a caress. “Keep it up Chaim,” you say. “You'll be a gadol b’Yisroel one day.”
If Sarah'le is behaving, helping out, say, “Sarah'le you'll be a rebbetzin. You'll have a husband a big talmid chochom. You'll have a beautiful family.”
Give More Than Money
Get into the habit of encouraging your fellow Jew with words. Let's say somebody comes to you for tzedakah, somebody from Yerushalayim; on Purim he comes, or anytime. He needs money to marry off his children so you give him some money. Fine, very good. Give him as much money as you can. Absolutely that’s strengthening the throne. That man has thirteen children he has to marry off!
But in addition you should say “It's a pleasure, an honor, to help you. I really should run after you. You're a kavod to our people. It's a pleasure to look at you. As you walk in the street, you're advertising yiddishkeit. People look at you, nice long peyos; ah! a Yerushalmi.”
Tell him that. It’s true anyhow and you’re giving that man life. He walks out with more than the $5 that you gave him. He walks out with happiness.
Raising the Rebbe
Let’s say you're bringing mishloach manos to your rebbe. Don’t just give it to him and leave. Say, “Rebbe, I can’t thank you enough for what you do for me. You’re making me into a mentch, a ben-Torah.” And then find ways to do it in the yeshivah too, after Purim. After the shiur is over go to your rebbi and say, “Rebbi, it was a mechayeh today's shiur. I shteiged so much from it.” Your rebbi, you should know, is not going to be angry at you.
Everybody is waiting for that. You’d be surprised. Everybody wants a little bit of encouragement. On all sides, people are waiting to hear one good word. I’m waiting too; after I finish this lecture I go upstairs and I’m waiting for my wife to tell me, “What a good speech you made tonight.” I don’t need her haskamah because I’ve said this, the same thing, a thousand times already. But I’m waiting.
Now this you should know has to be done at all times but especially on Purim you should have it in mind. “Encourage people with words,” that’s our first objective.
The Facelift
Number two – actually it’s included in encouragement but it deserves its own number: סֵ בֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת ל הָ אָ דָ ם בֵל אֶ ת כ הֱ וֵה מְ קַ ב – Greet every Jew with a friendly and pleasant face (Avos 1:15).
Purim is a good day to start out. Some people wear masks on Purim so you do that too. Put on this mask. (The Rav made a big smile). This is a mask, a pleasant face. You don't really mean it, but do it anyhow. Purim is an especially good time to smile at people. It’s Purim after all, and so, make Purim a day of smiling.
But it’s a good mask to wear after Purim too. Don’t let go! It’s motzei Purim and a man is let’s say coming towards you on the street; so you’re not thinking too much and you look at him like this (the Rav made a gloomy face). No, that’s not the way.
Three Things
“I'm so glad I met you.” Say it. “It’s good to see you again.” And put on that mask of סֵ בֶ ר פָּ נִים יָפוֹת. Pay attention to those words. It means three things, that mask: seiver, panim and yafos.
Seiver means show that you have sevara, that you're thinking about him. You're interested in your fellow Jew; he’s important to you.
Panim; show him your panim, your face. A man passes me in the street and never turns his face to me. He shows me his ear! Show your face.
And yafos, a pleasant face. It should be a face that brings him pleasure. Not a face like the bottom of a pan; a smile!
You were successful?! Excellent. Now try it again with another Jew. Take a break for a few minutes and do it again. And keep in mind – try to be mekayeim the three aspects: seiver, panim and yafos.
Required Training
The same, you should now, applies in the home. You come home from the yeshivah; as you pass by the kitchen, look into the kitchen where your mother is cooking supper for you. Show your face. And show seiver, you're thinking about your mother. And yafos, it should be a pleasant face.
Did you ever think about that? Don't think it's a small thing. סֵ בֶ ר פָּ נִים יָפוֹת is one of the big ikrim in our lives. It’s not l’fnim m’shuras hadin. It's a hevei; a tzivuy, a mitzvah. הֱ וֵ ה means ‘train yourself.’
And so on Purim, at least, think about that. Instead of merely getting drunk – I'm not saying you shouldn't get drunk, but while you’re drunk think about this: “I want to make my fellow Jews happy.” And even if you imbibe a little wine it can’t be too much because you have to still be able to count: One, beseiver, two, panim, and three, yafos.
Purim Blessings
One more idea. Now this one, I’d like one day to dedicate a full lecture to it but for now, just to help prepare for Purim, we’ll say it very short. And that's the habit of trying to learn how to bless a Jew, to become a mevarech es Yisroel.
Purim, when you take a drink, turn to your friend and shake hands and say “L’chaim!” But not like you do during the year, not merely to be yotzei the word lechaim. Be mechaven the peirush hamilim. L’chaim – “You should live long. You should have nachas and arichus yamim and good health.” Say l’chaim tovim ul’shalom! Be mechaven the words. You should have a life of shalom. No goyim should bother you. You shouldn’t get a cold. You should have good parnassah and good shidduchim for your children.
Bless and Repeat
I'll tell you something else, a little secret. After he goes away, say it again. You hear that? Say it again. This time he doesn't hear you. That shows you mean it though. If somebody says to you “Ah freilichen Purim” so you respond but then after he goes away, say it again, “Hashem should give you a freilichin Purim. And a freilichen Shushan Purim. And a freilichen long life.” He doesn’t have to hear. Hakadosh Baruch Hu hears.
I learned that from a very big man. The Alter of Slabodka once passed by a house and he said ‘Gut morgen’ to the house.
So somebody said “Who is listening? Who is hearing it?”
He said “Men darf heren? You have to hear it? Nobody has to hear it. ‘Gut morgen’ means they should have a good breakfast. There shouldn't be any fighting in the house. There should be shalom bayis. All good things he wanted them to have. They should hear you? It's not important.
Purim Excursions
And so when you go outside on Purim – some people are outside for many hours – so when you pass by a frum house, you see a big mezuzah on the door, say “These people there should all live long.” Say that. Aloud, b’kol ram. They don't have to hear it. Hashem hears it. “They should all live long. They should have nachas from their children. They should have good health, parnassah b’revach.”
Say it! Say it again at the next house! Don't be stingy. Once you get that habit you should know – ashrecha. Ashrecha! You're a fortunate person if you learn how to bless Jews. You see a Jew on the other side of the street. You don't even know who he is but you see he's a frum Jew; he’s carrying mishloach manos. Say “Ribono Shel Olam, guard that Jew. Make him successful. Keep him well and healthy.”
Now this is practical. It's not merely a theoretical idea. It is a great accomplishment to acquire such a hergel, a habit, of giving brachos to Jews. Getting into the habit of being a mevarech es Yisroel, you should know, is paramount in avodas Hashem and Purim is an excellent opportunity to make a good beginning.
If you do it even once, you should know you have accomplished something important. Even once. And if you can do it on Purim a number of times, you've started out on a career. And if you keep on doing it, you should know that you have gained a shleimus, a great perfection. Because part of avodas Hashem, a very big part, is the avodah of serving Hakadosh Baruch Hu by elevating His people, by honoring His people, by loving His people.
Have a Wonderful Shabbos
Let’s Get Practical
Learning to Love
On Purim we aim to counter Amalek by strengthening the “Throne” of Hashem, the place where He rests His Glory; the Am Yisroel. The Rov discussed three practical ways of doing this. 1. Encouraging frum Jews. 2. Greeting frum Jews with a pleasant countenance. 3. Blessing frum Jews. This week, I will bli neder spend thirty seconds at the end of my day to review how I LGPdid in these three areas and I will resolve to keep increasing my ahavas Yisroel.
This week’s booklet is based on tapes: 499 - In The Way You Wish To Go | E-225 - I Love Your People Yisroel E-3 - Purim: A World Upside Down
