The minhag is that the chosan a week before his chasunah gets an aliyah. There is an interesting Biur Halachah (136) which lists the hierarchy of aliyas. A chosan the week before his chasunah is second on the list.
Why Does He Get an Aliyah
The Pnei Menachem explains that Yaakov Avinu learned Torah for 14 years prior to his marriage. Torah is the foundation upon which a Jewish person builds his or her future home. In receiving an aliyah to the Torah, the chosan is reminded that the Torah needs to be the bedrock of his future home.
The Chiddushei HaRim adds that when a chosan is infused with the kedusha [sanctity] of Shabbos, coupled with the kedusha of Torah, it’s a protection for him not to become subsumed in a world of physical pleasure, as well as encouragement to live a life of spiritual elevation.
The Medrash Talpiyos (Anaf Chosan V’kallah) says that the reason a chosan gets an aliyah on the Shabbos before his wedding is because chosan domeh l’melech – a chosan is compared to a king and a king must have two sifrei Torah on him, similarly a chosan gets one aliyah before and one aliyah after his wedding.
Rav Schorr adds that the power of a king comes from the Torah, and the chosan needs to take that lesson with him as he enters into marriage.
Rav Shlomah Zalman Auerbach in Halichos Shlomo (Moadim 2:251-252) offers an idea based on the Gemara Nedorim, which says that the reason that the Beis HaMikdosh was destroyed is because we did not have proper kavod haTorah. The greatest way to give proper kavod haTorah is to learn right before an important time in our lives. Therefore, prior to his wedding the chosan gets an aliyah and starts his simcha off with Torah.
Sifrei Chabad say that it is siman tov to raising children who will learn Torah and lift up the world.
Finally, the Sefer HaMatamim quoted in Nitei Gavriel (Hilchos Nisuin) writes that the reason that a chosan gets one aliyah before and after his wedding is in order that he appreciates the difference between the Torah learned before and after his wedding. The Gemara in Yevamos (62b) teaches, that a man who lacks a wife is “without happiness, without blessing, and without Torah.” The maturity that comes with marriage forces a fresh outlook to both the quality and application of one’s Torah studies.
Which Aliyah?
The minhag nowadays, is that the chosan gets maftir. However, a number of poskim bring that the chosan should actually try and get one of the seven main aliyas.
The reason brought down, is that for maftir anyone can be called up - even a kotan [young child], whereas for the seven main aliyas only a gadol [adult] may be called up. To demonstrate that the chosan is a gadol and that his kiddushin is binding, there was a minhag to specifically give him one of the seven main aliyos.
[This reminds me of a joke: One Shabbos in Satmar there was a bar mitzvah boy and a chosan in shul, and a fight broke out as to which one should get called up first. They went to the Rebbe to ask him who wins and he said, “whichever one is older”.]
However, the widespread minhag is that the chosan gets maftir. In explaining why the minhag changed the Tzitz Eliezer (21:20) writes, the minhag is that we sing, throw pekelach [packages] etc. and the situation in shul gets slightly out of control, and it gets people confused with krias haTorah. Consequently, the minhag became that we give the chosan maftir to save people getting confused in the middle of krias haTorah.
The Father Should Also Get Aliyah
The Shaarey Ephraim (2:3) says that the father of the chosan also has a chiyuv to get an aliyah but he doesn’t take precedence over any other chiyuv.
A Traveling Chosan
We mentioned above “On the Shabbos before the wedding (or the last Shabbos a chosan is in his hometown, if he’s traveling for the wedding), the chosan is called up to the Torah for an aliyah”. The above is actually a machlokes, the Magen Avraham (282) maintains, that if the chosan is traveling he should get called up the week before traveling. However, the Sha’ar Ephraim argues, and is of the opinion that there is only a chiyuv to call up chosan if he is getting married in the coming week, and not the week of when he leaves for his chasunah.
Seemingly, we can bring a rayah to the opinion of the Sha’ar Ephraim. We mentioned above, that if the Shabbos before the chasunah is Shabbos Chazon, the chosan and even his father may wear Shabbos clothes. The question is, why not just make the Aufruf a week earlier, and avoid any shailos? We see that the Aufruf is supposed to be on the Shabbos immediately preceding the chasunah.
Throwing Peklech [Bags of Candy]
Finally, we come to perhaps the most popular aspect of the Aufruf, the throwing of peklech at the chosan. The Gemara in Berachos (50b) discusses the practice of throwing various foodstuffs, such as wheat kernels and seeds, at the chosan and kallah at the wedding as a sign of good luck and blessing. The fact that this custom appears nowadays at the Aufruf seems to be an outgrowth of the original minhag mentioned in the Gemara.
The minhag used to be to throw nuts. The Nitei Gavriel (Nisuin 2:3 footnote 4) says that the reason is because nuts have a shell, and it symbolizes the tznius of kallah. He offers a second reason, namely, that egoz represents chet (because in gematria they both equal 18) and the chosan is forgiven for his sins, so it is symbolic of throwing away his sins. The Shem Mishmuel (Ki Seitzei, page 134) writes that just like when a nut falls in the mud, the inside is still protected because of the shell, so too, when one gets married, it comes with responsibility and dealing with the world of gashmiyus [physicality] as a husband must begin to work so as to ensure he can support his family. Thus, we ensure to give the chosan chizuk by sending him a message that even though he now will enter the world of the physical as he goes to work, he needs to ensure that his inside remains pure and connected to Hashem’s will.
It is customary to throw almonds. Almonds ripen quickly, and it’s a propitious sign that the couple should be blessed quickly with children.
It is also customary to throw raisins. One reason given, is that they are dried grapes that lack too much moisture. There is a machlokes in the Gemara as to what the forbidden fruit that Chavah gave to Adam in Gan Eden was, and one opinion is that it was grapes. Thus, we throw raisins to signify that a man's wife will not lead him into sin as Chavah led Adam, as the object of the sin is represented as being dried out and inferior.
The Mishnah Berurah (171:21) mentions the minhag of throwing raisins and he says that it’s not a good minhag as they can get gross and mushy. Nowadays, it’s a bit easier as we normally throw the food in a bag, and it’s less likely to get ruined.
Rav Schorr notes that there is another message found in the candy thrown at the chosan. From the vantage point of the chosan, he feels like he’s is being pelted with stones. But really, the pekelach are full of sweets and good things. The message is clear: All challenges that will be thrown at the young couple have to be seen as coming from a place of Divine Hashgachah and love. This is the bedrock emunah the chosan and kallah need to integrate into their life and into their future home and offspring.
Oops! The Gabbai’s Glasses Got Broken, Who Has to Pay?
There was a story, where a chosan got called up for his aliyah, and the women through sweets down from the ezras noshim at the chosan, and one of the sweets went straight towards the gabbah’s glasses and broke them. The gabbah argued, that the woman who through the sweet must pay, and she argued that it was done unintentionally and through simcha, therefore, she is exempt.
R’ Yitzchok Zilberstein (Chasukai Chemed, Yevamos 62) discusses the above shailah, and he writes, that even though we say: אדם מועד לעולם – “a person is always liable for his damage”, whether it is done intentionally or accidently, in this case the woman is exempt, due to a number of reasons:
- The glasses were broken due to an act of simchas chosan v’kallah and just like we find in Choshen Mishpot (378:9) that if bochurim were riding on animals for simchas chosan v’kallah and they caused damage they are exempt, since they were doing it for reasons of simcha, the same thing is in our case. Certainly, one should be careful not to cause damage, however, if bedieved damage was caused one is exempt.
- There is a similar halachah in Hilchos Purim (Orach Chaim 695:2) that if one damages due to simchas Purim he is exempt. The Mishnah Berurah writes, specifically if the damage is caused due to simchas Purim. On that halachah the Aruch HaShulchan (695:10) writes: ועכשיו בעוונותינו הרבים ערבה כל שמחה ואין אנו נוהגים לשמוח כל כך עד שיבוא להיזק ולכן עכשיו כשהזיק חייב לשלם – “Nowadays, we don’t rejoice as much, and we don’t rejoice to the extent that one causes damage, therefore, if one does cause damage he must pay”. However, presumably, he is talking about acts of simcha which we no longer do, however, on things we still do, such as throwing sweets, presumably one is still exempt.
- A second argument can be made to exempt the woman from paying, which is why was the gabbah looking towards the ezras noshim, especially when sweets were being thrown. He shouldn’t have turned around, and the sweets wouldn’t have broken the glasses. Since he turned around, it’s his fault and therefore he has to cover the cost himself.
