Yaakov tells the messengers to say to Eisav, “With Lavan I dwelt (garti), and I stayed there until now.” (Bereshis 32:5). Rashi famously comments that the Hebrew word garti (I dwelt) equals 613 in gematria, as if to tell Eisav, “even though I lived with the wicked Lavan, I kept the 613 commandments there and did not learn from his evil ways.” Yaakov telegraphs a message to his brother, “You should know, I was living with uncle Lavan. He is a wicked person. I had to put up with all of his shenanigans all this time. I was away from any support system. Who knows what could happen to a person spiritually under those circumstances? But you should understand that I lived with him all this time and it did not affect me. I remained an Erliche Yid (honest Jew), despite the fact that no one was watching. I learned nothing from him!”
The question that must be asked is the following: When you want to impress someone, you must speak that person’s language. If you want to impress someone who is wealthy you need to indicate to him how wealthy you are. When you are speaking to a sports hero, don’t tell him that you know the Talmud by heart. “You play football at MetLife Stadium. I finished Shas at MetLife Stadium.” That will have no credibility to someone who is a linebacker for the New York Giants or Jets!
Eisav is the prototypical Rasha. He violated the three cardinal sins in a single day. If Yaakov wants to impress his brother, why is he telling him “I kept the 613 mitzvos?” Eisav will be totally unimpressed by such a statement. Let Yaakov tell him that he is rich or that he cheated somebody. Spiritual accomplishments have no value to Eisav.
I saw an interesting approach to dealing with this question in the sefer Darash Mordechai from Rav Mordechai Druk. Yaakov had an agenda over here. His agenda was first and foremost to try to mollify Eisav so that he should not hate him. Yaakov tries many tactics. He calls Eisav “my master”. He says about himself “your servant”. He is trying to convey that in his own eyes, Eisav is still the bechor. But he is also trying to make another point. Eisav was thinking to himself “Yaakov deserves the bechora less than I do. He is also a Rasha.”
Ay, Yaakov sat the whole day in the Beis Medrash? Eisav is thinking: “We both know that that was fake. I am also a faker. I ask my father queries like ‘How does someone tithe salt? How does someone tithe straw?’ I can also put on an act and I did put on an act. I know that all of Yaakov’s ‘frum shtick‘—sitting in the Beis Medrash the whole day—is all an act. There is really no difference between him and me.” Eisav’s attitude is: “You are a Rasha and I am a Rasha. I am a faker and you are a faker. I can put on a good show and you can put on a good show.”
Yaakov Avinu is saying to Eisav, “No. For you it may be a façade, but for me it is not a façade.”
Rav Druk gives an example. He says that he used to say a shiur in a certain Yeshiva for twenty or thirty years. One day, he was running late and was about to walk into the Yeshiva. Across the street was a shul. The Shamash of the shul came out looking for a tenth man for their Mincha minyan. He approached Rav Mordechai Druk and asked him to come inside and make the minyan. Rav Druk apologized, “I am sorry. I say a regular shiur here. I am late for the shiur as it is, I can’t come in. People are waiting for me.” The Shamash said to him, “Ach! Have you ever done anything in your life for free? You are going to say the shiur because you get paid for it. Come to daven Mincha and nobody is going to pay you. That is why you are passing up Mincha and going to say your shiur.”
Rav Mordechai Druk responded to the Shamash: “I never took a dime for saying this shiur.” What was the Shamash thinking? He was thinking in his mind that the only reason anyone does anything in this world is for a buck. Therefore, he thinks to himself “What I do, I always do for a buck, therefore what you do, you also likely only do for a buck.” The first thing that comes to the mind of the Shamash is “You must be doing this for money, therefore do something once in your life not for money.”
The world has a well-known expression that sums up this idea: What Peter says about Paul says more about Peter than it does about Paul.” Here too—what the Shamash (Peter) says about Rav Mordechai Druk (Paul) says more about the Shamash than it says about Rav Mordechai Druk.
This is exactly what happened here with Eisav. Yaakov says to Eisav, “I lived with the wicked Lavan for twenty years and kept the 613 mitzvos without learning from his evil ways. You think a person cannot really be a Shomer Mitzvos (someone who observes mitzvos). You think it is all a fake. That is because in your mind, sincerity in being a Servant of Hashem does not exist. So, in your mind, I am not better than you.” You are thinking “Why should Yaakov get the bechora? He is a faker and I am a faker. He is no better than me.”
Yaakov tells his brother: “Eisav, you may be a faker and may just be putting on an act, but not me. I was with Lavan for twenty years. There was not another Jew within hundreds of miles. I could have acted like a heathen. Lavan would not have cared if I did not study Torah. None of the neighbors would have cared if I did not daven Maariv. Nevertheless, I kept the 613 commandments because I am in truth an Erliche Yid.”
“That is why I rightfully deserve the bechora and not you, and therefore don’t hate me!”
