The Shabbos before a chosan gets married is known as the Shabbos Aufruf. Aufruf is a Yiddish word that means “to be called up.” On the Shabbos before the wedding (or the last Shabbos a chosan is in his hometown, if he’s traveling for the wedding), the chosan is called up to the Torah for an aliyah. This week we will take the opportunity to discuss the Aufruf in halachah and minhag, however, before doing so we have to connect it to the parsha.
Towards the end of this week’s parsha the Torah lists the descendants of Eisav. The Torah starts off by mentioning: בשמתעשו לקח את נשיו מבנות כנען את עדה בת אילון החתי ואת אהליבמה בת ענה בת צבעון החוי ואת בת ישמאעל אחות נביות - “Eisav took as a wife from the daughters of Canaan, Odoh the daughter of Eilon HaChiti and Oholivomah the daughter of Anoh who was the daughter of Tzivon HaChivi. He also took Bosmas, daughter of Yishmoel, sister of Nevayos” (Bereishis 36:2-3). Rashi points out, that earlier on in Parshas Toldos we find that she was called Machalas, so what was her name, Machalas or Bosmas? Rashi citing the Medrash explains, her name was not Machalas; her real name was Bosmas. The Torah only calls her Machalas to hint that a chosan receives mechila [pardon] for his aveiros when he gets married. This is one of the sources that the Yom HaChuppah, the day one gets married, is a day of atonement, and this is why many people fast on the day of the chuppah.
The Yerushalmi (Rosh Hashanah 4:8) points out, that by all the Yomim Tovim the Torah mentions the korban chatos [sin offering], however, by Shavuos it doesn’t. The Yerushalmi explains:כ יון שקיבלתם על עצמכם עול תורה מעלה אני עליכם כאילו לא חטאתם מימיכם – “(Hashem says:) Once you accept upon yourself the yoke of Torah, I look at it as if you never sinned in all your days”.
I once heard a peshat, that since the day of the chuppah is a day of atonement, and it’s a time when the chosan does teshuvah and works on correcting his ways, we give him a head start by reminding him that if he accepts upon himself the yoke of Torah it’s like he never sinned, and this is why we give him an aliyah the Shabbos before his chasunah. Now that we have connected the topic of Aufruf to the Parsha, let’s go ahead and talk all about it.
A Deeper Meaning for the Word Aufruf
The Shevet Yehudah offers a deeper meaning for the word aufruf — to be called up. We find two seminal times in Chumash that Moshe Rabbeinu “was called” by Hashem. At the beginning of Sefer Vayikra, the pasuk tells us “Vayikra el Moshe” when Moshe was called to the azarah, a place of purity and sanctity. The other was at Har Sinai, when Moshe Rabbeinu ascended the mountain, and Hashem called to him to prepare the people to receive the Torah.
In referring to this Shabbos as the “Shabbos Aufruf,” we’re reminded of the times Hashem called Moshe Rabbeinu, which were moments infused with kedusha. This is a message to the chosan, exhorting him to build a home of holiness and purity on the foundations of Torah values and thoughts.
Early Sources
The minhag of an aufruf goes back to the days of the Rishonim, and is mentioned by the Rashba. Until not so long ago, people used to get married on Fridays. On Friday night, people anyway made fancy meals in honor of Shabbos. In order to save money, it was very common to get married on Friday and use the Friday night meal as both the chasunah seudah and the Friday night seudah. If a chosan and kallah got married on Friday, it meant that the hefsek tahara and shivah nekiyim started the Friday night before. Consequently, the Shabbos before the chasunah was an exciting Shabbos for the chosan and he would celebrate. The Rashba (Mishmeres Habayis 7:2) writes:ואני אומר כי מנהגן של ישראל בכל מקום ומקום תורה היא וכל מה שעושין במנהגיהן יסודתן בקדושה ובכל מקומותינו הנהיגו להכין סעודה ושמחה שבת לפני שבת של נשואין - “I say, the customs of Klal Yisroel in all places, are based on the Torah, and everything they do has it’s sources in kedusha. In all places, the custom was to prepare a feast and rejoice on the Shabbos before the chasunah”.
The Magen Avraham also mentions the minhag to have an aufruf. In Hilchos Tisha B’Av, the Rema (551:1) writes, that on Shabbos Chazon (the Shabbos before Tisha B’Av) the minhag was that people didn’t change into Shabbos clothes. However, for someone who was getting married in the upcoming week, it was ok for him to wear Shabbos clothes. The Magen Avraham (551:6) cites, that the Maharil made a spinhaltz [another name for aufruf] for his son, and he wore Shabbos clothes in honor of the occasion.
Singing the Chosan to Shul
Some people have the minhag to sing the chosan to shul on his Shabbos Aufruf. The above minhag is based on Maseches Sofrim (20:12): “Shlomah HaMelech saw the power of gemilas chasodim [acts of kindness], and he built for Klal Yisroel two entranceways, one was to provide entry for chasanim and the other was to provide entry for aveilum [mourners]. On Shabbos, the people of Yerusholayim would gather together and go up to Har HaBayis, and would sit by these entranceways to perform gemilas chasodim with each other. When the Beis HaMikdosh was destroyed, it was established that the chasanim and aveilum would come to shul instead, in order that Klal Yisroel could perform gemilas chasodim with each other. The chesed performed with chasanim was that everyone would praise them and accompany them home.”
We see from the above, the minhag to accompany a chosan. However, from the Maseches Sofrim it seems that the minhag was on the way home from shul, not on the way to shul. It’s unclear where the minhag to do the other way round came from.
What’s the Heter to Go to The Chosan’s House Before Davening Shacharis?
The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 89:2) rules, that it’s forbidden to go to a friend’s house before davening, even if one wishes his friend “good morning” instead of saying “shalom”. So why is it that people go to the house of a chosan and pick him up and bring him to shul, surely it should be forbidden?
The Shevet HaKahosi (6:475) suggests, that since one is going to bring the chosan to shul there is no concern. On the contrary, the chosan is picked up to come to shul, and those who pick him up sing praises and songs to Hashem, therefore, there is no concern.
Another answer the poskim say, is that just like a slave is allowed to go to serve his master before davening (see Mishnah Berurah 89:18) similarly, since a chosan is comparable to a king (and some Achronim say, this already starts from the Shabbos before the chasunah), one is allowed to go and serve him before davening (see Shu”t Shevet HaKahosi 6:475 and Shu”t Mishnas Yosef 5:20).
Wishing the Chosan Mazel Tov Before Davening
The Shevet HaLevi (10:15:1) was asked, if one is allowed to wish “mazel tov” to a chosan before davening Shacharis. The Shevet HaLevi responded that the only issue is greeting a friend, if however, one wishes him something else, and not a good morning greeting, then presumably it would be ok.
