Step by Step
The proper mehalech is for a person to go step by step. The first thing is to employ the wisdom of life—working on oneself to be calm, not to fight reality... simply not to get a heart attack from everything in life that deviates from what he had planned.
The second step is emunah and bitachon—to understand that we weren’t sent down to This World simply to accept the situation, but rather to embrace it because this is what Hashem wants, and this is what is good for us. Not because this is a vehicle through which to attain what we want, but because we want to have bittul to the Ribbono shel Olam.
Emunah for Its Own Sake
Sometimes, a person says: “I heard or read that when a person has emunah and he accepts his situation, the Ribbono shel Olam will give him what he needs.” If so, he says, “I accept it... now can I have what I want?!” This is not what we’re talking about.
This is like a yeshivah bachur who was expelled from yeshivah, and his parents are told that in order for him to be readmitted, it is important for him to come back expressing humility and remorse. The boy hears this, and he comes with a script, saying, “I was wrong... now can I come back?” It’s obvious that this boy is completely insincere... such “remorse” will have no effect. It’s not at all what was asked of him.
Only a Yid is Capable of Pure Bitachon
The right way of bitachon is for a Yid to rely on Hashem solely because he believes that Hashem does what is best for him. This is a great avodah, to have bitachon on Hashem without wanting anything to change in his situation—pure trust and reliance that this is good. This is a secret that has only be revealed to Yiddishe kinder. ליראיו ה' סוד. This secret works only when a person is completely connected with the Ribbono shel Olam, for its own sake. If we would tell this secret to a non-Jew, he will attempt to use it solely for the purpose of attaining his desires....
To tell whether something is true bitachon or not, we must turn to the words of Dovid HaMelech, who says בך בוטח אדם אשרי, fortunate is one who trusts in You: If you feel fortunate and blessed—even if nothing changed—it is a sign that your trust and reliance are real, that you have completely accepted the ratzon Hashem. If you have no complaints, and you’re completely at peace, this means that you’re truly בוטח in Hashem.
Accepting Pain Creates the Remedy
When a Yid engages in this avodah: he has no complaints about his situation; he always tells the Ribbono shel Olam do to what is right in His eyes; he understands that he’s only human, and thus limited in his grasp and understanding... I may have dreamed that things should be different, but Hashem surely knows what He’s doing, and I thank Him for this. I don’t need or expect the situation to change immediately.
And if a person does accept wholeheartedly what the Ribbono shel Olam sends his way, he will merit what the Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh says: קבולי דיסורי סמא, the remedy for pain comes when we accept it with love. Because when we have truly relied upon the Ribbono shel Olam, we have connected with the Ribbono shel Olam, and if so, we have tapped into a new reservoir of shefa—as the pasuk says יסובבנו חסד בה' והבוטח, one who trusts in Hashem attains new shefa.
A Non-Jew Cannot Grasp This
This ability to change reality through our wholehearted bitachon is a secret revealed only to us in the Torah, and this is what is meant by חכמה תאמין אל בגויים תורה תאמין בגויים, you may believe that there’s wisdom among the gentiles, but they have no access to the Torah. This is why it is acceptable to see even secular professionals for help with our dilemmas, because we believe that they have access to life wisdom—and this, too, is rooted in Torah, as all wisdom is. But they cannot attain the deeper secrets of the Torah because they haven’t proclaimed ונשמע נעשה. Why didn’t they do so? Because at his root, a non-Jew is incapable of complete reliance on the Ribbono shel Olam (which is the essence of ונשמע נעשה).
One who doesn’t rely completely on Hashem will receive his shefa from the דקדושה אחוריים, the lower, peripheral sources. He may know about the eitzos and tactics (distraction, acceptance, etc.), but these won’t help him extricate himself from his situation. Wisdom can’t change reality—emunah, bitachon, and deveikus can change reality. For deveikus enables us to tap into a new reservoir of shefa that previously didn’t exist.
A Proper Prayer
Now, after a Yid has completely submitted himself to the will of the Ribbono shel Olam with complete bitachon, then his tefillah is considered a proper tefillah that will open doors to a new flow of shefa.
When the ba’al bitachon davens to Hashem, he says to himself: “I don’t know what is good for me; I daven because Hashem wants me to connect with Him. I want You to do what is good in Your eyes.” He truly feels this, and he doesn’t expect his situation to change the moment he’s finished davening. He lives with great bittul, and he davens in order to fulfill Hashem’s desire for us to daven.
Reality Can Only Change with New Shefa
A tefillah that originates from a place of bittul and deveikus can change realities. Acts such as giving tzedakah and visiting kivrei tzaddikim that come from a mindset of bittul to ratzon Hashem can change realities—and this is the only way that a Yid can truly change his situation. It won’t change simply because he wants it to change...
If we see that our situation has changed, it is for one of two reasons: Either this was the Divine plan all along and it would have happened regardless of what we did or thought, or it is because the person truly connected to Hashem with utter bittul to His will. He had complete bittul, and thus merited a new flow of shefa.
It is truly a lifelong avodah to submit ourselves with complete bittul in all situations and allow ourselves to be led by the Ribbono shel Olam, with complete faith that everything He does is for our good.
