The Funny Parsha Questions for Parshas Balak

1. What did Balak ask Bilam to do to the Jews?

• A) Make fun of them.
• B) Bless them.
• C) Curse them.
• D) Beat them at basketball.

2. Why did Bilam not go with Balak’s messengers the first time?

• A) Because Hashem wouldn’t let him curse the Jews.
• B) They didn’t bring enough bubble gum.
• C) He was too busy taking his bath.
• D) His mommy told him not to talk to strangers.

3. Why did Bilam’s donkey try to leave the path and then refuse to go?

• A) Because it found some delicious grass and then some crunchy potato chips to eat.
• B) It was as stubborn as Bilam!
• C) The road was littered with legos and stepping on them gave it an ouchy boo-boo.
• D) There was a Malach in the path with a sword in his hand that only the donkey could see.

4. What did the Malach tell Bilam?

• A) This week’s lottery numbers are: 12345678.
• B) You can go with Balak’s officers but you will only say what Hashem lets you say.
• C) “You look like a pirate because you have an eye patch”.
• D) “Pickles are crunchy!”

5. Balak built 7 altars for Bilam and offered a bull and ram on each. Then Hashem put words in Bilam’s mouth to say. What mashal did Bilam sing about the Jewish people?

• A) “The jewish people are like mountains and hills because they live separate from the other nations.”
• B) “A donkey, a bull and a ram walk into a bar. Ouch.”
• C) “The Jewish people are like a sheep surrounded by 70 wolves. Except it’s like a ninja sheep with a sword and the wolves all have their shoelaces tied together.”
• D) “The Jewish people are compared to the Moon because just as the Moon causes tides, the Jews control the weather with a giant laser.”

6. Balak was furious that Bilam gave a bracha to the Jews instead of cursing them. What excuse did Bilam give him for what he did?

• A) He said his donkey ate his homework.
• B) He said his bus got stuck on a piece of gum
• C) He said he can’t say anything except what Hashem wants him to say
• D) “My bunk had swimming but I don’t like to swim so I wandered away from the lake.”

7. What did Bilam tell the Jewish people the second time he tried to curse them?

• A) Let’s be frenemies.
• B) “Thus shall be done to the man whom the king wishes to honor”
• C) He didn’t say anything because he still couldn’t get over the fact that his donkey spoke back to him.
• D) He praised the Jews for rushing like lions to put on teffilin in the morning and for destroying their fears each night like a lion by entrusting Hashem with their neshama when they say Shma at bedtime.

8. How did Bilam praise the Jews the third time he blessed them?

• A) The Jews have a tznius practice of facing their tents’ door away from other tents.
• B) The Jews always finish their veggies.
• C) The Jews know how to color in the lines.
• D) The Jews are decent Rummikub players.

9. What parting piece of advice did Bliam tell Balak about the Jews?

• A) Send the daughters of Moav to convince the Jews to turn away from Hashem.
• B) Ban all Gefilte Fish. Without their secret weapon the Jews will be powerless!
• C) “We want Shmayonkee!”
• D) Never sell your birthright to them. No matter how good their lentil soup is.