Shidduchim (and All Matters) Need Tefillah
The Midrash (Bereishis Rabba 60:2) states, "Everyone needs chesed. Even Avraham, who brought chesed to this world, also needed chesed. As [Eliezer prayed] (24:12) א ַבְרָהָם אֲדֹנִי עִם חֶסֶד וַעֲשֵׂה, 'Do kindness with my master, Avraham.'"
Eliezer davened that Hashem perform chesed with Avraham. But why was that necessary? The great Tzaddik Avraham deserved to receive Hashem's kindness also according to דין, law, and rightfulness. Why should he receive goodness solely as a chesed?
Chidushei HaRim (Sifsei Tzaddik, 'ז ואתחנן) answers, "Avraham Avinu was a good teacher. He instilled into the hearts of his students that Hashem doesn't owe anyone anything, that everything is solely chesed!" Whatever we receive is Hashem's chesed, and therefore, we should pray for all our needs.
There is an essential rule regarding tefillah: Even after Hashem has decreed that someone should receive something, it won't happen and he won't receive it without tefillah. We can prove it from this week's parashah (24:66): ֶׁראֲש ה ַדְּב ָרִים כָּל אֵת לְיִצְחָק הָעֶבֶד וַיְסַפ ֵּר עָשָׂה , "The servant told Yitzchak all the things that he had done." Rashi writes, נסים לו גלה בתפלתו רבקה לו ושנזדמנה ,הארץ לו שקפצה ,לו שנעשו , "He told him all the miracles that happened to him, that the earth jumped for him, and that he found Rivkah with his tefillos." The earth jumped for Eliezer (הדרך קפיצת) when he traveled to find a shidduch, but not on the way back.
The Chasam Sofer explains that the earth didn't jump on the return trip because they had to wait until Yitzchak davened. Immediately after Yitzchak davened they arrived, as it states (24:63) בַּשָּׂדֶה ַלָשׂוּח יִצְחָק וַיֵּצֵא בָּא ִים גְמ ַלִּים וְה ִנֵּה וַיַּרְא עֵינָיו וַיִּשָּׂא עָרֶב לִפ ְנוֹת , "Yitzchak went out to daven in the field towards evening, and he raised his eyes and saw, and behold camels were coming." His shidduch arrived immediately after he said this tefillah. Had the earth jumped for him, they would have returned too early, before Yitzchak prayed for it.
Once again, Rashi writes: שנעשו נסים לו גלה בתפלתו רבקה לו ושנזדמנה ,הארץ לו שקפצה ,לו , "[Eliezer] told [Yitzchak] all the miracles that happened to him, that the earth jumped for him, and that he found Rivkah with his tefillos." Eliezer was telling Avraham that he had הארץ קפיצת, that the earth jumped for him to help him make this shidduch. So, if you ask why the earth didn't jump for him upon his return? The answer is בתפלתו רבקה נזדמנה כי, Rivkah had to come through tefillah. Their return trip took longer. It was delayed until Yitzchak davened, and then the shidduch could occur.
Now we get to our point. Rivkah was the shidduch that was bashert and destined for Yitzchak. Nevertheless, the shidduch wouldn't occur without tefillah.
Another indication is from last week's parashah. Hashem promised Avraham that he will bear a child, as it states (Bereishis 17:19), יִצְחָק שְׁמוֹ אֶת וְקָר ָאתָ בֵּן ָלְך יֹלֶדֶת ָאִשְׁתְּך שָׂרָה אֲבָל, "Your wife Sarah will bear you a son and you will call his name Yitzchak..." The malach set a time for the child to be born, as it states (Bereishis 18:10) בֵן וְה ִנֵּה ח ַיָּה כָּעֵת אֵל ֶיךָ אָשׁוּב שׁוֹב וַיֹּאמֶר ָאִשְׁתֶּך לְשָׂרָה , "I shall return to you at this time next year and behold Sarah your wife will have a son." The birth of the child was decreed, and the time was set. Nevertheless, Avraham needed tefillos for this to occur. Avraham davened for Avimelech, and Chazal (Bava Kama 92a) say, "Whoever davens for his fellow man, and he needs this matter, he is answered first." The miracle occurred, and Avraham bore a son, because of tefillah. It was destined to be, a time was set, but this is how Hashem made the world, that all salvations occur solely through tefillah.
Also, it states (Bereishis 30:22), רָחֵל אֶת א ֱלֹק ִים וַיִּזְכֹּר ּרַחְמָה אֶת וַיִּפְת ַּח א ֱלֹק ִים אֵל ֶיהָ וַיִּשְׁמַע , "Hashem remembered Rachel, and Hashem listened to her, and he opened her womb." The Or HaChaim writes, "The pasuk is saying that although Hashem remembered Rachel, tefillah was still needed, as it states וַיִּשְׁמַע אֵל ֶיהָ , 'He listened to her.'" It was decreed for her to bear a child, but tefillah was needed for it to occur.
Rebbe Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin zt'l (Tzikdas HaTzaddik 66) proves this concept from Eliyahu HaNavi. Hakadosh Baruch Hu told Eliyahu to tell Achav that it will begin to rain once again, after a three-year drought, as it states (Malachim 1, 18:1) בַּשָּׁנָה א ֵלִ יָּהוּ אֶל ה ָיָה 'ה וּדְבַר פ ְּנֵי עַל מָטָר וְאֶת ְּנָה אַחְאָב אֶל הֵרָאֵה לֵ ךְ לֵאמֹר הַש ְּׁלִישִׁית הָאֲדָמָה , "The word of Hashem came to Eliyahu in the third year saying, 'Go to Achav, and I shall send rain upon the face of the earth." But regardless of this promise, the rain only came with tefillah, as it states (Malachim 1, 18:42) בֵּין פָּנָיו וַיָּשֶׂם א ַרְצָה וַיִּגְהַר ה ַכַּרְמֶל רֹאשׁ אֶל עָלָה וְא ֵלִ יָּהוּ בִּרְכָּיו , "Eliyahu went up to the summit of the Carmel, bend down to the ground and put his face between his knees." Rashi writes that this means he davened for rain. Reb Tzaddok proves from this that even after Hashem gives His word, the salvation will only come when there is tefillah.
Also, Rebbe Tzaddolk proves this from the fact that we daven all year long for all our needs, such as for parnassah, for health, etc. Although we believe that the decree was established on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we continue to daven. This is because good comes after we daven. The decree is in place, but the bounty comes down with tefillah.
Yitzchak Avinu was perfect in all ways. He is even called תמימה עולה, a perfect korban for Hashem. He had no faults. In addition, it states (24:10) וַיֵּלֶ ךְ אֲדֹנָיו מ ִגְּמ ַלֵּי גְמ ַלִּים עֲשָׂרָה הָעֶבֶד וַיִּק ַּח בְּיָדוֹ אֲדֹנָיו טוּב וְכ ָל , "The servant took ten camels of his master's camels and set out with all the bounty of his master in his hand." Rashi explains that בְּיָדוֹ אֲדֹנָיו טוּב וְכָל, "all the bounty of his master in his hand," means that Avraham gave Eliezer a document stating that all his wealth goes to his son, Yitzchak. He did this to encourage parents of potential shidduchim to send their daughters to marry Yitzchak.
Nevertheless, Yitzchak davened. Eliezer also davened, as he said in his tefillah (24:12) א ַבְרָהָם אֲדֹנִי עִם חֶסֶד וַעֲשֵׂה, 'Do kindness with my master, Avraham.'" They davened with the feeling that without tefillah, there is no shidduch. Rav Shach zt'l repeated in the name of the Chofetz Chaim zt'l that when one has a perfect son, a masmid, with good middos, parents don't feel that they must daven so much for him. They feel that many people will run after them to offer shidduchim, so why should they daven so well? Especially if they have money, they feel that they don't have to daven. But we see that for Yitzchak Avinu, who was perfect with all qualities, and who had wealth, as well, it was understood that salvations come solely with tefillah.
Chazal say (see Rashi 24:42) עבדי של שיחתן יפה בנים של מתורתן המקום לפני אבות , "The speech of the servants of the avos are more beautiful to Hashem than the Torah of their children." We can explain that שיחתן refers to the tefillos. The tefillos of the אבות עבדי are very precious to Hashem, because they understand how essential tefillah is. This awareness is a very high level of emunah.
שיחתן means conversation. The tefillos of the אבות עבדי are called שיחתן, conversation, because when one davens, he should know that he is having a conversation with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It states (Tehillim 102:1) שִׂיחוֹ יִשְׁפ ּ ֹךְ 'ה וְלִפ ְנֵי יַע ֲטֹף כִי לְע ָנִי תְּפ ִלָּה, "A prayer of the afflicted man when he wraps himself and pours forth his conversation before Hashem." The pasuk is teaching a person who is wrapped in his tzaros that he should pour out his heart before Hashem. He should tell Hashem everything that is in his heart. The Alshich Hakadosh (Tehillim) writes, "Like someone who is pouring out a vessel with water, so should he pour out all the tzaros of his heart, as it states (Iyov 32:20) לִי וְיִרְוַח אֲד ַבְּרָה, "Let me speak, and I will feel relieved."
Story of Tefillah at Kever Rachel
Two years ago, Purim Kattan, year (5784), some yungerleit from Ashdod traveled to daven at kever Rachel. One of their friends, Reb Chananyah Gross z"l, was sick with the renowned disease, and they went to daven for his recovery. Unfortunately, the gezeira in shomayim was sealed, and he was r'l niftar that year, erev Tisha b'Av. However, their tefillos were effective in other ways. Nine months afterwards, on the yahrtzeit of Rachel Imeinu (5785), two of the people who had gone to daven at kever Rachel had a salvation. One of them was married for four years and didn't yet have children. The other one had children, but seven years had passed since his last child. Their wives both gave birth on the yahrtzeit of Rachel Imeinu. This is because tefillos are never in vain. They davened for Reb Chananyah Gross, and unfortunately, those tefillos weren't answered, but their tefillos were used for their own salvations. They understood that the births occurred specifically on Rachel Imeinu's yahrtzeit to show them that it was their tefillos at kever Rachel which led to their salvations.
