by Rabbi Shmuel Kraines
“Study improves the quality of the act and completes it, and a mitzvah is more beautiful when it emerges from someone who understands its significance.” (Meiri, Bava Kama 17a)
Excessive Mourning
(Vayikra 19:28 and Devarim 14:1-2; Mitzvos #467-468 in Sefer HaChinuch)
At the beginning of Parashas Chayei Sarah, the Torah relates that Avraham came “to eulogize Sarah and to cry over her" (Bereishis 23:2) In this verse, the word livkosah, “to cry,” is written with a small kaf. Most commentators interpret it to mean that Avraham cried only a small amount over his wife's passing (see Sefer Katan V’Gadol). Let us explore the Torah's outlook on the proper measure of mourning as it is reflected in two Mitzvos: the prohibitions against cutting oneself and making a bald spot as an expression of mourning. Then we will return to examine Avraham’s conduct.
The Torah states in Parashas Re’eh (Devarim 14:1-2): You are children of Hashem, your God! Do not cut yourselves and do not make a bald spot between your eyes over a dead person. For you are a holy nation to Hashem, your God, and Hashem chose you for Himself as a treasured nation, out of all the nations on the face of the earth.
What does the fact that the Jewish people are Hashem's children have to do with these two prohibitions? Rashi explains that as Hashem's children, we ought to appear beautiful, and we therefore cannot mar ourselves with cuts and bald spots. The next verse adds that we are a holy nation, and it is not fitting for holy people to ruin their features (Chizkuni).
Ibn Ezra has a different approach to the above verses: You are children of Hashem, your God! Know that He loves you more than a father loves his son, and therefore: Do not cut yourselves and do not make a bald spot between your eyes over a dead person. This because whatever your Father in Heaven does to you is for your good. Focusing on the word "children," Ibn Ezra adds that we should realize that with respect to Hashem's conduct, we should be like little "children" who do not understand their father's conduct and yet trust him unquestionably.
Taking a third approach, Rav Yosef Kara explains the Torah is addressing mourners as follows: “Even if your father has passed away, do not grieve excessively by making cuts and bald spots, for you are not orphans. You still have a Father [in Heaven] — Who is great, living, and enduring! The next verse (v. 2) points out that we are Hashem’s holy nation whom He selected from all the nations. The Torah means to say that an idolater has good reason to mourn the loss of his relatives, but a Jew can never be separated from his closest and most significant relative: Hashem.
