When a person has lusts, he thinks that there is something wrong with him, & that he is a bum without Yiras Shamayim. He envies all those Tzaddikim who appear to have a “smoother ride” than him. But this is not Daas Torah! It’s Daas Baalei Battim (i.e., the opposite of Daas Torah), and as “frum” and “well-meaning they may be, they are still dead-wrong and are Kofer have no faith in Chazal who respect struggles more than those pure giants!
The Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva was aware of this crooked way of thinking (that we are all guilty of!). We cannot get past it unless we work hard to once-and-for-all appreciate the Tza'ar that we go through, in worrying about conquering our low-life lusts. The Rambam keeps emphasizing our holy Chazal who say that: בְמָּקוֹם שֶבַעֲלֵי תְּשוּבָּה עוֹמְדִ ים אֵין צַדִ יקִים גְמוּרִ ים יְכוֹלִין לַעֲמוֹד ברכות לד ב Baalei Teshuva are even GREATER than pure Tzaddikim! Those Tzaddikim can’t even stand near you!
The “strugglers” are always falling, and are always: בִבְחִינַת בַעֲלֵי תְּשוּבָּה a type of Baalei Teshuva, and their reward is incredible and almost impossible to believe! Shlomo HaMelech in Mishlei has a beautiful Passuk: לֵב יוֹדֵעַ מָּרַֹת נַפְשוֹ וּבְשִׂמְחָּתוֹ לֹא יִתְעָּרַב זָּר משלי יד י No one else can feel the pain of your struggle, but the joy of your triumph will be felt by you alone. You may be full of bitterness with the pain & embarrassment of your struggles, but if you keep trying, then you are in a constant ongoing state of Teshuva.
And in the end, when you have shown that you didn’t give up despite your unending perpetual weaknesses, you will be Zoche to such Simcha and reward, that all those: קָּדוֹש מֵרֶחֶם born Tzaddikim will have no Shaychus with you, and they may not even be Zoche to even SEE your place in Gan Eden.
רמב"ם הלכות תשובה (ז ד )
ואל ידמה אדם בעל תשובה שהוא מרוחק ממעלת הצדיקים מפני העונות והחטאות שעשה, אין הדבר כן אלא אהוב ונחמד הוא לפני הבורא כאילו לא חטא מעולם, ולא עוד אלא ששכרו הרבה שהרי טעם טעם החטא ופרש ממנו וכבש יצרו, אמרו חכמים מקום שבעלי תשובה עומדין אין צדיקים גמורין יכולין לעמוד בו, כלומר מעלתן גדולה ממעלת אלו שלא חטאו מעולם מפני שהן כובשים יצרם יותר מהם.
