Engine Countdown
On an airplane, a stewardess came to the passenger area and announced that one of the four engines of the plane stopped working, and that they'd be in flight for an additional hour.
The passengers complained profusely. A few minutes passed. The stewardess returned to the passenger area and told them that another engine stopped working and the plane was down to two working engines, that would result in yet another hour in flight.
The passengers were very upset and complained loudly. A few minutes later, the stewardess returned to the passenger area with the bad news that the plane was down to just one working engine which would further delay the flight. During the commotion of complaints, one passenger said ‘I hope that the last engine doesn't stop working. We’ll be up here all day.’
American Manufacturer
An American manufacturer was showing his machine factory to a potential customer from a former communist country. At noon, when the lunch whistle blew, two thousand men and women immediately stopped work and left the building.
‘Your workers, they're escaping!’ cried the visitor. ‘You've got to stop them.’
‘Don't worry, they'll be back,’ said the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blew again, and all the workers returned from their break.
When the tour was over, the manufacturer turned to his guest and said, ‘Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?’
‘Forget about the machines,’ the visitor said. ‘How much do you want for that whistle?’
Traveling Light
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the counter, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to his wife, ‘Why didn't you bring the piano, too?’
‘Are you trying to be funny?’ she replied.
‘No, I really wish you had,’ he sighed. ‘I left the tickets on it.’
What’s the difference?
What’s the difference between an Israeli and an Israelite? An Israelite has 30% less fat.
Lot’s wife
The Rebbe was telling his students about the time when Lot’s wife looked back in Sdom, and she turned into a pillar of salt. Yankie interrupted. ‘My mommy looked back once while she was driving,’ he announced, ‘and she turned into a telephone pole.’