Momentous Mountain Manifesto

The CEO of the Universe, a.k.a. HaShem, has designated two mountains in the Holy Land. Six of the 12 Tribes are to stand on Mount Gerizim, and the remaining tribes on Mount Eival.

Standing between the two mountains, the elders of the Kohanim and Levi’im are to face Mount Gerizim while pronouncing blessings for those who follow HaShem’s command and face Mount Eival when promising curses for those who disobey.

“This is sure to be a momentous occasion,” said Shimmy Shimoni, of the tribe of Shimon, who has already reserved his spot on Mount Gerizim. “When the elders do their part, I am going to say ‘Amein’ loud and clear, declaring that I agree with every word they say.”