Question: In college I became closer to Judaism and decided to spend the summer in yeshiva. That summer turned into five years—I loved the learning. However, after getting married, I had to make a living. Now, I am 45 and work 12 hours a day to grow my business. I make good money and am driven. But, what happened to my love of learning Torah. Even if I have time to learn, I usually choose to do something else. How can I want to learn again?
Answer: The good news is that you are on the right track. The awareness that something is not right is the first step to correcting the issue. In other words, recognizing the darkness as darkness, as opposed to seeing the darkness as light.
Its written in the text The Duties of the Heart (Chovot HaLevavot, introduction to Shaar Ahavat Hashem): “Desires for worldly pleasures are unable to dwell in the heart together with a love of G-d.” The more we are immersed in materiality, the less we are drawn to spirituality. Thus, it is understandable that your intense focus on work will cool your desire to learn Torah.
The Alter Rebbe teaches: the material [concerns] of a Jew are spiritual. G‑d gives us material things in order that we transform them into spirituality. It is common to hear that we have an obligation to learn Torah lishma (for the sake of Hashem). However, work must also be performed lishma. In other words, working for the purpose of having time to learn Torah.
Work is not an end in itself; it is a means to receive our livelihood, providing the material necessities to live a life devoted to Torah.
The Rebbe explains that when one approaches work with a healthy motivation (lishma) there will be the following outcomes: 1. work will not have a negative effect on one’s spiritual state; 2. one will see G-dliness, Divine Providence in his work. In addition, he will only want to work the necessary amount; devoting his additional time to Torah learning.
On another note, the implication from the end of your letter is that your choices tend to be emotionally driven. If you “love” something you choose it; if not, you don’t. Yet, whether we want or don’t want, we have many obligations that need to be filled. Therefore, find ways to be inspired by the things you must do. As the Jews said upon receiving the Torah, “we will do and [then] we will hear [understand].” The beauty of Torah is that simply opening a book and learning is a catalyst which arouses our desire to learn more. As we are taught in Ethics of the Fathers, one mitzvah leads to another mitzvah.
Aharon Schmidt - For counseling appointments and questions for this column: [email protected]