In certain societies, they lacerate themselves and pull the hair out of their heads when grieving for their dead. The Torah prohibits this type of behavior for a Jew. The Torah tells us that the reason why a Jew is not permitted to express his grief in this manner is because the Jews are a “holy people to Hashem...”
The Seforno in his commentary explains, “It is not appropriate to show extreme worry and pain for any relative who passes away when there is a relative who is of greater importance and value to that person who is the basis of all good (that being Hashem)”. Therefore, Moshe says to the Jewish people, “You are G-d’s Children” to indicate that He is our eternal Father and there is no basis to worry and grieve at an extreme level for any deceased. Regardless of who passes away, a Jew is never abandoned just as a father does not abandon his child. Just as a parent loves his child more than the child could ever love his parent, the Torah is teaching us that Hashem values us as His Children. If a Jew were to lacerate himself or pull the hair out of his head as a result of a person passing away, this behavior would indicate that he believes that he has nowhere to turn and that he is in a hopeless state, which is a denial of Hashem’s special relationship with him.
Secondly, it is a rejection of a basic tenet of Jewish belief that when a person passes away, his spiritual neshama (which is his essence) is eternal. Therefore, a person who grieves in this manner not only denies his special relationship with Hashem, but also denies the existence of an eternal soul. Thus, we are forbidden to express grief in this manner.
The Torah tells us that Sarah, our Matriarch gave her maidservant Hagar (the daughter of Pharaoh) to Avraham (her husband) to beget him children. Many years after Hagar had given birth to Yishmael, Sarah asked Avraham to send Hagar and her son away from their home. Hashem said to Avraham, “You must heed the word of Sarah.” After they were sent away, they got lost in the desert. The Torah tells us that Hagar “went and she strayed in the desert” (Bereishis 21:14). Rashi cites the Midrash which explains that “straying” means that Hagar had returned to the idolatry of her father’s house. The obvious question is, “How is it indicated from the words “Straying on the desert” that Hagar returned to the idolatry of her father’s house?” Seemingly the Torah is simply telling us that Hagar was wandering in the desert after she had lost her way. The answer is that Chazal understood that “Straying” must mean returning to idolatry because a Jew who is connected to Hashem is never lost. A Jew never “strays” aimlessly because he always has Hashem to whom he can turn as a child turns to a father. If the Torah uses the term “stray” this clearly indicates that Hagar returned to idolatry and had severed her relationship with Hashem.
If a Jew understands and internalizes that all that he has is given to him (including his own existence) that regardless of how alone he may be, he is not alone.
When Hashem took the Jewish people as His kingly and priestly and holy Nation, he communicated to us how special we truly are to Him. Therefore, we must always understand and appreciate that we are the Children of Hashem and as a parent loves a child, Hashem loves us. Regardless of what we experience in life, Hashem is always there for us providing us with all of our needs. A Jew is never alone. (Rabbi Yosef Kalatsky)
