Another Easy Path
Now, once you practiced this up for a full week—let’s say from Shabbos to Shabbos you’ve been keeping your mouth closed at every opportunity that comes your way. Every time you felt the urge to say something, you thought beforehand: “Is it really needed? I’m standing in front of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, after all; should I really open my mouth?” And if you didn’t do it every time, also good. Because something you did; you tried. And so now you’re ready for week number two—week number two of shuvu el Hashem.
We’re looking for another easy opportunity, something that is karov eilecha me’od. Now, once you’ve established yourself as a quiet fellow, you’ll see that there’s still so much good you can accomplish even with your mouth closed. And so we’ll take another path to teshuvah that doesn’t require any talking at all. You’ll be able to continue with your first week’s avodah, and at the same time you’ll add something else.
Smiling and Milking
The Gemara (Kesubos 111b) tells us in one place how great is the mitzvah of smiling to a fellow Jew. There’s a passuk in the Chumash, בָלָח≈מ םƒיַּנׁƒ ̆ ן∆ב¿לּו – The whiteness of your teeth is better than milk (Bereishis 49:12). What does that mean? So, our Sages make a play on words and tell us a yesod for life: בָלָחּהו≈ ̃¿ׁ ַּ̆מƒמ ר≈ ֹ̇יו ֹרו≈בֲחַל םƒיַּנƒׁ ̆יןƒּב¿לַּמַה בֹטו – It’s better to show your fellow man a smile with your white teeth than give him a drink of milk. A smile is better for his health than a cup of milk.
In Slabodka, the Alter used to explain it like this: “Suppose a man is sitting on the sidewalk with a big can of milk, and for every passerby he ladles out a cup.” Imagine such a thing; a man is standing outside of the beis hamedrash in the morning with a can of milk and Dixie cups. And everyone who passes by, he ladles out a Dixie cup of milk. “Here, take a free drink of milk.” So everybody would agree that he’s a public benefactor. A drink of milk to every passerby?!
Milk gives a person energy. It gives him nourishment. Milk has calcium in it. It has vitamins. It makes you healthy. Milk goes into you—it changes you.
“But here,” says the Alter, “is a man who does better than that. To every passerby, he offers a friendly smile. That helps a person physically even more than the drink of milk. Tov hamalbin shinayim l’chaveiro yoser mimashkeihu chalav, it’s better than giving him a glass of milk to drink. It’s healthier for that person to see you smile than to get a drink of milk. It builds him up physically more than vitamins because it makes him happy, too.”
Now, is it so hard to smile at others? Not really. It could be that your face is already frozen into a scowl from so many years of not practicing this Gemara. But even so, it’s not that difficult to change.
Smiling Instructions
And to make it even easier, our Sages guided us. I told you before that even the easy things require some study; just to talk in general terms, it’s not enough. And so we’re fortunate that our Sages spoke about this subject.
Shammai says, ֹ̇פוָי יםƒנָּפ ר∆ב≈סּ¿ב םָ„ָ‡ָה לָּכ ̇∆‡ לּ≈בַ ̃¿מ י≈ו¡ה – You should receive all people with a pleasant cast of countenance (Avos 1:15). Shammai said only a few words, less than ten words, but it’s full of information. Now, I’m not capable of understanding the depths of a mishnah, but my regular customers know that this maxim has at least four parts to it.
First of all, it says, “kol ha’adam—all people.” It means not only the person you like, who smiles at you. Kol ha’adam means even a nudnick, even someone you don’t like. Some people are not so pleasant. Sometimes a fellow likes to talk a lot, and you’re in a hurry to get rid of him. But still, a smile you can afford to give him. That’s the command of the Torah—you should greet every man with a pleasant cast of countenance. And so, that’s number one to think about this week: Kol ha’adam. Every person deserves from you a seiver panim yafos.
Show Your Face
Now, seiver panim yafos is three things. It says seiver and panim and yafos. It means three different things. I’ll explain that.
First of all, it includes panim. You must show your face to a person, not your ear. Panim means you show him the front of your face, not your profile. Let’s say you walk into the house tonight and your mother says, “Hello, Chaim. Were there many people at the lecture tonight?” You’re passing by, going to your room, so without turning your head you say, “Yes, Ma. It was crowded.” That’s wrong. It says panim. It means, turn your face around.
When you come home from the Bais Yankev, and your mother is standing in the kitchen, are you going to walk by the kitchen and just show your mother your ear? Show your face to your mother, not the back of your head. You have neck muscles. That’s what they’re for, so you should show your mother your face.
Not only in the house. When you’re passing by a frum Jew on the street or someone in the hall of the yeshivah, in the hall of the Bais Yankev and the person greets you, don’t greet that person with your profile. Turn your face. That’s number one—panim. Greet people with your face.
Friendly and Pleasant
The second thing is, it says seiver. Seiver is from the word sevara. Sevara means thought, intention. Showing your face sometimes can be as full of expression as turning the bottom of a pan toward them. You might turn your face to your mother, your sibling, your fellow Jew, but your face is deadpan. Oh, no; the face is only part of the story. There must be some expression, some interest in your face. Show you’re interested.
There must be some seiver, some thought in the face. Show that you’re thinking of that person when you look at him, that you’re interested in him. Not merely a look, a stare, a meaningless expression—put some sevara into it. Think about what you’re about to do when you smile at him. You want to make his day, his life, more pleasant by looking at him in a friendly way.
And the third part of your smile is yafos—a pleasant face! You show your face, and it’s a thoughtful face, but there’s a scowl? No. No! ירƒ‡ָי יוָנָּפ! Shine your smile on him. Show him a thoughtful smile.
Selichos Smiles
Now, the Gemara says you should show white teeth. Of course, if you brush your teeth every day and you’re able to flash a white smile, that’s the best thing; but any kind of teeth are good. Even a yellow smile, a brown smile. It’s still a very great thing because any type of smile gives another person life. The warmth of friendship gives your fellow man such energy, such happiness. It makes him feel that he’s somebody. You give him a friendly smile, and the whole world becomes illuminated with sunlight. You have no idea what you have done.
And there are no excuses. It doesn’t matter if you have your own thoughts on your head, your own worries. Your face is a reshus harabbim; it’s affecting other people, so it’s your responsibility. Rav Yisroel Salanter related when he was a boy in the town of Salant, he once met a man on Selichos morning. Selichos in the olden days was serious business. So this man was coming from Selichos, and his face was still wet with tears. And so, when Rav Yisroel greeted him, the man barely noticed him; he was intent on his own teshuvah thoughts. He had just finished weeping through his tefillos and he barely noticed Rav Yisroel.
Many years later, Rav Yisroel wrote in his writings like this: “Is it my fault that you’re a yerei Shamayim?” That means, do I have to suffer because you’re a yerei Shamayim? You hear that? It means that whatever you have in your heart should remain there. Could be that it’s evlo b’libo, that there are worries on your mind, but as far as your fellow Jew, it should be tzahalaso b’fanav — on your face you must show interest, and happiness.
More Than a Minhag
I’ve seen this. I’ve been in the company of very great men who practiced this. I remember one of my rebbeim; he was an old man and in his heart he was mourning because he felt that his time was coming to an end and he hadn’t accomplished enough. He looked back, and he saw his misdeeds. He was considering that soon would be the Day of Judgement, and he was thinking about how to make amends. It was evlo b’libo, in his mind there was mourning. But even if you barged in on him while he was busy with his own thoughts, his own cheshbon hanefesh, he didn’t show it! He was an oved Hashem, and therefore, to those around him he always displayed a happy face.
And so, make it a principle of yours this week that ya’ir panav, your face should shine on people. It’s an obligation! It’s not merely some minhag that you’ll find in Kitzur Shulchan Aruch or a bit of mussar that somebody wrote in the last generation. It’s a mishnah said by the roshei Tanna’im: Greet people with a pleasant cast of countenance.
When you meet people on the street, don’t pass them by with your head down, with a hangdog look, with just the corner of your eye. You must make it your business to raise up your face and shine your countenance upon them. Practice it tonight when you get home. Practice it on your wife, or on somebody you’ll meet here in the hall outside. Practice it all week long.
