In this week’s parshah, the Torah relates the laws defining which animals are kosher to eat and which are not, and the signs that enable us to distinguish between them. A kosher animal is one that has a cloven hoof—mafreses parsah, and that chews its cud—maaleh geirah. An animal that has only one of the two signs is not kosher; it must have both.
The Rebbe R’ Meir Premishlaner zy”a uses the Torah’s language describing kosher and non-kosher animals to teach us an important lesson.
Welcoming guests into one’s home, the Gemara tells us, is greater than greeting the Shechinah. People have all sorts of ways of welcoming guests, some better than others.
One type of host sits down to a hearty meal and offers his guest only a small portion of food. Clearly that’s not an optimal way of “welcoming” someone, and the guest will be left feeling hungry and unwanted. Another type of host serves his guest a large meal but takes only a small serving for himself. Although this guest technically has enough to eat, he too could be left feeling so uncomfortable eating in the host’s presence that he’ll leave hungry as well. It is far better is to serve a large portion to one’s guest and then take the same for oneself, so that the guest feels perfectly comfortable eating his fill.
Using a play on words, R’ Meir Premishlaner compares the host who eats a large portion but gives his guest only a little, to the animal who is maaleh geirah—fills his stomach, but is not mafreses parsah—does not extend his food to others. Conversely, the host who eats a little while serving a lot is like the animal which is mafreses parsah but not maaleh geirah. In order to fulfill the mitzvah of welcoming guests in the kosher way, a host has to offer a nice portion to his guest and also eat well himself.
This does not only apply to hachnasas orchim. Helping and caring about others is central to Yiddishkeit, and it must be done in a way that is not only about what we offer, but also about how it’s taken. It’s wrong to just want to give on your own terms, not caring about how the other person feels about it. Sometimes, it’s also important to make sure that both of you come out feeling good, ensuring that neither the recipient nor the baal chessed feels abused or taken advantage of. Giving in a way that the needs of both people are satisfied is an essential part of doing it right. Getting the balance right, often demands some creativity, as well as enough imagination. You must put yourself in the other person’s shoes in order to show genuine care and concern and provide people with what they need.
