Learning Torah Vs. Peru U’Revu
Learning Torah overrides the mitzvah of peru u’revu in two ways. The first way is like what we find with Ben Azai, who we find never got married. The Shulchan Aruch (1:4) writes that this only applies to someone like Ben Azai who loved Torah so much that he attached himself to it his entire life. The second way is pushing it off for a limited amount of time, until one finishes learning, this is based on the din of ‘oisek bemitzvah’ [busy with a mitzvah] and is brought in the Rambam and Shulchan Aruch. However, if ones yetzer horah is winning over him, then the mitzvah of talmud Torah can’t push off the mitzvah of peru u’revu.
The Shevet HaLevi (Vol. 3, siman 173, ois 3) and Birur Halachah (Even HaEzer, siman 1) both write, that it’s obvious that thoughts of sin are included in the words of the Rambam “if ones yetzer horah is winning over him he should marry immediately”, as thoughts of sin are worse than sin itself.
The First Way
The first approach is clear from the Gemara in Yevamos (63b). The Gemara writes that Ben Azai never married. The Gemara relates that Ben Azai’s friends asked him, that he darshened [expounded] all about how not fulfilling the mitzvah of peru u’revu is tantamount to bloodshed, and then he himself doesn’t even get married? Ben Azai answered back: ומה אעשה שנפשי חשקה בתורה, אפשר לעולם שיתקיים על ידי אחרים - “What can I do, my soul desires to learn Torah, the world can stand via others”.
The Second Way
The second manner is clear from the Gemara in Kiddushin (29b). The Gemara says: “First learn Torah, then get married”. The Gemara says that the reason for this is: “If one has a yoke around his neck, is he able to learn Torah?” The Gemara continues: If one can’t manage without a wife, then he should first marry and then learn Torah. The Gemara then asks a contradiction and concludes: הא לן הא להו – “This is for us, and this is for them.” I.e. Whether one should learn and then marry or vice versa, depends on if one will be busy trying to sustain himself or not. Rashi explains: In Bavel they aren’t so busy with parnosah so they can first marry and then learn. In Eretz Yisrael, however, they are busy with parnosah once they get married, therefore, they should learn first and only then get married. According to Tosfos the explanation in the Gemara is the opposite way round.
The Chazon Ish once saw a bochur who had reached the age of shidduchim and he saw that the boy wasn’t looking. The Chazon Ish asked him why he wasn’t busy with it? The bochur said to him: I am like Ben Azai whose soul yearns for Torah. The Chazon Ish replied: Is it not good enough to be like Abaye and Rava...?! (Neimos HaChaim - Shidduchim, pg. 50)
When the Satmar Rebbe zt”l was in a certain yeshiva, he saw many older bochurim who weren’t learning like they should be. He said to them: In the Gemara there is a dispute whether one should first get married and then learn, or learn and then get married, but there is no one who believes that he should neither study Torah nor marry a wife... (Neimos HaChaim - Shidduchim, pg. 23)
