It states (Mishlei 15:23) פיו במענה לאיש שמחה, "A man has joy with the response of his mouth." This pasuk can be explained in several ways. With proper speech, we will discover how one can be happy and make others happy.
1. The Power of Speech
No one is happier than someone who believes in Hashem. Wouldn't you be happy if the greatest king of the world talked to you, loved you, and desired your good deeds? How would you feel to speak with this king every day? How happy and proud would you be if this great king was your father? Multiply this joy infinite times (because Hashem is infinite), and that is the joy of emunah.
This great joy is the portion of those who have emunah and understand a drop of Hashem's endless greatness. The joy is enormous. Furthermore, when one believes in Hashem, he knows that everything is for the good. Someone who doesn't believe in Hashem doesn't have that comforting thought. The believer also relies on Hashem to provide him with all his needs. The non-believer is full of worry, not having from where to draw hope.
The mazal of Adar is a fish, which teaches us a lesson in bitachon. We would assume that a fish found in a larger fish's belly would have its tail in front and its head towards the back because the larger fish probably swallowed the fish as the small fish tried to swim away. We would assume that they were swallowed tail first. But, actually, fish are found with their heads first. It seems that they were swallowed from their head side.
Rebbe Meir Yechiel of Ostrovtze zy’a explains that this is because the fish’s eyes are always open. Fish aren’t afraid of being caught from the head because they figure that if they detect a big, hungry fish, they will know of the danger and swim away to safety. The fish fears being caught by the tail because a large fish can lurk from behind and quickly snatch the fish. So, the fish trusts in itself for the head side, and for its tail side, it trusts in Hashem. This is the reason fish aren't caught from the tail side. They trust in Hashem, so Hashem protects them. They are caught from the head side because they trust their abilities there and don’t rely on Hashem for protection.
Reb Avraham Genichovsky zt'l said that there is a fish which shoots out black die into the water. This confuses the fish in the vicinity, enabling this fish to consume them. This is also how the yetzer hara operates. He confuses people, makes them worry, and then the yetzer hara can capture them.
It is brought in sefarim that there is a snake that stands under a tree and stares up at a bird perched on a high branch. The snake can't climb the tree, but the bird is afraid. From fright, it falls directly into the snake's mouth. When one is afraid, he can't think clearly. He is liable to fall into his enemies' hands. Haman used this technique to try to destroy the Jewish nation. He wanted ולאבדם להומם, to confuse them, so afterwards, he could destroy them, r'l.
Rebbe Mendel of Vorker zt'l said: Children play high-and-seek. When a child hides, he shouts, "I'm ready!" The sound gives the child away. Now, the one searching for him knows where he is. Hashem does the same. He conceals himself, as it states אסתיר הסתר ואנכי. But when one is in such a situation, Hashem is shouting, "I'm hiding. Find me." And we know exactly where to find Him. He is there in that situation itself.
3. Guarding Emunah
It is written in sefarim that one must be cautious not to speak words of kefirah, not even as a joke. One must also be careful not to read material that can weaken the emunah. Our most precious asset is our emunah, and we must guard it however we can.
Reb Efraim Waxman Shlita told me that when he was a child learning in cheder, his melamed, a holocaust survivor, would mumble something incomprehensible whenever the children in his classroom misbehaved. The children were sure that he was cursing them in Hungarian. At the end of the year, the children asked their melamed forgiveness for causing him such a hard time over the year until he cursed them. The melamed replied, "Chas v'shalom! I didn't curse you. Did you understand what I would say? I said (28:19) פנטרי טרקיא קנכרי, etc. I repeated Unkelos's translation of the precious stones that the kohen gadol wore on the choshen. I was reminding myself that you are all precious stones of Hashem, holy neshamos, and with this thought in mind, I succeeded to control my anger."
This is an example of using speech to attain belief in the greatness of Jewish children. דיבור, which means speech, can also be translated as to lead. For example, the Gemara (Sanhedrin 8.) states, לדור אחד דבר, "One leader for the generation." (This was when Hakadosh Baruch Hu said that Yehoshua would lead alone and not jointly with the elders. לדור אחד דבר, it is better that one person is in charge.)
So, there are two translations to דבר: speech and leadership. This is because with speech, one leads and directs others, and with speech, one can lead and direct how his mind should think. When he speaks words of emunah and words that describe the greatness of Bnei Yisrael, he leads his mind to think in those terms. This is the meaning of לאיש שמחה, a person attains joy from his emunah, פיו במענה, through the words he speaks.
2. Speaking Calmly
The Ramban (Igeres HaRamban) writes תתנהג מן תנצל ובזה ,עת ובכל אדם לכל בנחת דבריך כל לדבר תמיד רעה מדה שהיא הכעס, "Accustom yourself to speak all your words with tranquility to all people and at all times, and this will save you from anger..." The Ramban's concise words express that there should never be exceptions to this rule. Always (תמיד), all your words (דבריך כל), to all people (אדם לכל), in every situation (עת ובכל), should be spoken with nachas, calmly, without anger, without irritation.
Rashi (on Mishlei) explains that this lesson is found in the words פיו במענה לאיש שמחה. Rashi writes, "When a person speaks calmly with people (בנחת), people will love him." This is undoubtedly true. No one enjoys being barked at. And when they are, it isn't uncommon for them to answer back with harsh words of their own. But everyone enjoys being spoken to with respect, patience, and kindness. And as the Ramban tells us, this manner of speech can be practiced and acquired. One can train himself to constantly speak with nachas, calmly, without irritation.
3. Speak About the Good You Have and Not What You Lack
This is an important lesson. We begin the subject by focusing on one’s thoughts; then, we will go to speech. Be aware: You can control your thoughts. You don't need to concentrate on your problems. You don't need to harp on your faults, either. At any moment, a person can remove his mind from everything negative in his life and think about something else.
Sometimes, we meet people who struggle with sorrow and hardships, yet they appear to be the happiest people in the world. How do they do it? One way is that they train themselves to tune out from their problems. They don't allow themselves to think about their troubles, and they are happy. This idea can be compared to a car constantly sputtering and stalling on the road. A mechanic checked it and declared that everything was in order. He asked the car owner, "What gas do you use?" The owner told him that he uses the cheapest brand. "That's the problem," the mechanic said. "Use better gas, and your car will work fine." The same applies to life. If you feed your thoughts with negativity, always rehashing life's problems, it will be a struggle for you to be happy. Feed your mind with good, positive thoughts, and you will be able to be happy.
There are times one should think and talk about his problems to find solutions. But as a rule, one is better off keeping his mind on happy matters. A young woman served in the Israeli army – not an ideal place for a religious woman, to say the least. When she finished her service, she enrolled in a religious school but couldn't focus on her studies. Her thoughts kept returning to the aveiros she committed in the army. She was depressed and was having suicidal thoughts. The Chazon Ish, who was involved in the case, told the principal of the school, "Tell her that Chazal say מעבירה קשין עבירה הרהורי, and this means thinking and rehashing aveiros of the past is a worse sin than the aveiros, themselves. Tell her not to allow herself to think about her past aveiros." She followed this counsel, and with time, she healed and succeeded in marrying and building a Jewish home.
A person must train himself also to talk positively. If he speaks constantly about his troubles, he will be sad. If he can talk about other matters, it will help him keep his mind off his problems.
This is another explanation for the pasuk פיו במענה לאיש שמחה. A person becomes happy if he is cautious with what he says. Let's take this a tiny step further: במענה is referring to a response to a question. So, the pasuk hints that when someone asks you, "How are things?" your response should be, "Baruch Hashem, everything is wonderful." This response will help you be happy. Also, your response will make the listener happy. Your positive attitude to life will teach your fellow man that he can also focus on the good in his life and can be happy with his portion, as well. So, לאיש in the pasuk can be referring to the speaker or the listener. שמחה לאיש, they will be happy, פיו במענה, due to the positive response.
There was a person who always complained. He focused on the half-cup that was empty. His mentor gave him a cup of water and threw in a handful of salt. "Drink it," he commanded. "I can't," the student replied. "It's bitter." The mentor brought the student to a river, threw in a handful of salt, filled a cup with water from the river, and said, "Drink it," this time, the student drank the water. "I don't understand," the mentor said. "I put in the same amount of salt as before. You didn't want to drink the water earlier, but now you do. What's the difference?" The student answered that a handful of salt in a cup of water makes the water bitter. A handful of salt in a river is insignificant." Having proven this critical point, the mentor advised him to focus on all the good he has in life, and then the bitter experiences won't bother him so much. The bitterness will be batel and almost unrecognizable among all the good.
The Baal Shem Tov zt'l asked a watercarrier, "How are things?" The water carrier put down the buckets and told the Baal Shem Tov about his many problems. "My shoulders hurt from the daily exertion of carrying water. If I were paid as much as I deserve for this job, it wouldn't be so bad, but people pay me pennies, and no one respects me. Lately, competitors began taking away my clients by offering even lower prices..." He went on and on with his complaints. Another day, the Baal Shem Tov asked the same watercarrier, "How are things?" This time, the watercarrier told him that baruch Hashem things were good. He enjoys the job, he earns a salary, and he can put food on his table at home. The students of the Baal Shem Tov asked their holy rebbe how this watercarrier changed his view on life. The Baal Shem Tov replied that Chazal say that a person is judged on Rosh Hashanah, and another Chazal says that a person is judged each day. How do we reconcile these two Chazals? A person is judged on Rosh Hashanah on what will occur that year. And each day, a person is judged on how he will accept it, with joy or complaints.
4. Good Counsel
There is nothing more crucial and satisfying than attaining good advice. The Metzudas Dovid says that the pasuk שמחה פיו במענה לאיש refers to the joy of receiving good counsel. The final words of the pasuk are בעתו דבר טוב מה, "How good is a word in time!" The Metzudas Dovid writes, "Even if he had succeeded with a certain counsel, nevertheless, not all times are the same. His advisors will explain that this isn't a good time to do so." A piece of advice that was right in the past might be wrong in the present.
The Chazon Ish zt'l would invest many hours counseling others. Someone asked him, "Wouldn't it be better if you used this time learning Torah?" Few people attained the hasmadah that the Chazon Ish had, and this person thought that it would be better for the Chazon Ish if he had more time to study Torah. The Chazon Ish replied, "If I had a lot of money, I would spend a lot of time with people, discussing the needs of the community and struggling individuals and distributing tzedakah. But I don't have much money, and this is my way of doing chesed."
Rabbeinu Yonah (3:54) writes, "A person should come up with good counsel to help his fellow man. This is one of the main ways to do chesed."
5. Simchah when Your Tefillos are Answered
The Gemara (Brachos 34:) says that the Tana, Reb Chanina ben Dosa, knew when his tefillos would be answered and when they wouldn’t. After his tefilla, he would predict whether the person for whom he davened would live or not. People asked him how he knew. He replied, תפילתי שגורה אם מקובל שהוא אני יודע בפי, "If the tefillah flows easily from my mouth, I know that the tefillah was accepted..."
Rashi explains, ואיני במרוצה בפי תפלתי סדורה אם להאריך חפץ שאני מה כל פי אל מלבי נובעת ותחנתי נכשל בתחנונים, "If my tefillah flows and I don't stumble on the words, and my requests go up from my heart to my mouth to express everything I want to say and at length [this is my sign that my tefillah was accepted]." Sometimes, we daven in our own words, and we have trouble saying the words. There is a large gap between the passionate thoughts brewing in the heart and the words that come forth. We just can't express ourselves adequately, so we ask our requests in short. This is also a very powerful tefillah. Every tefillah accomplishes so much, but this isn't the tefillah that Reb Chanina ben Dosa was referring to. There are times when the heart opens up, and one can express everything that is there. These are extraordinary times, and at these times, there is a greater likelihood that his tefillos will be answered. We aren't on the level of Reb Chanina ben Dosa to know for certain that at these times our tefillah will certainly be answered, but his lesson is an indication of the type of tefillah we should strive to attain. Continue davening; perhaps this time your heart will open, the words will come out with beautiful tefillos, and it will be an eis ratzon, an indication that your tefillos are being answered.
On this topic, the Noam Elimelech (Likutei Shoshanah, משלי ה"ד) explains the pasuk שמחה פיו במענה לאיש, which we are discussing. איש is a tzaddik. לאיש שמחה, a tzaddik is happy, פיו במענה, when he sees himself davening easily and smoothly. He is happy because he knows that this means his tefillos are desired and accepted by Hashem. The tzaddik is extremely happy because he knows that the person for whom he davened will have his yeshuah. (And if he is davening for his own needs, he is happy because he knows that he will soon have his salvation.) His proof is פיו במענה, the words of tefillah are coming so well and easily from his mouth.
6. The Joy of Being Connected to Kedushah
We now write another explanation from the Noam Elimelech on פיו במענה לאיש שמחה. It is a great privilege and joy to live in Eretz Yisrael, a place where a Yid can reside in holiness. When one invests in Torah and tefillah, he has created Eretz Yisrael in his mouth. His mouth becomes an abode for holiness, and he lives with the kedushah of Hashem no matter where he actually is. במענה can be translated as an abode, שמחה .מעון לאיש, a tzaddik is happy because פיו במענה, he created an abode of kedushah in his mouth because he speaks Torah and tefillah.
The Noam Elimelech writes, "It is known that the main chiyus of the Jewish nation is in Eretz Yisrael. May Hashem quickly gather us there... However, a tzaddik can receive chiyus wherever he is... It states לאיש שמחה, the simchah for a tzaddik, is פיו במענה, when his mouth is his dwelling place. The tzaddik, with his Torah study and pure tefillos, is connected to Hashem. His mouth is his dwelling place, no matter where he is. And this is his joy."
The Joy of Loving Hashem
The Noam Elimelech adds another explanation to the words פיו במענה לאיש שמחה. He explains that לאיש שמחה refers to the wonderful joy of loving Hashem. One attains love for Hashem פיו במענה, when he refrains from speaking what he shouldn’t. The Noam Elimelech writes, "A person shouldn’t speak much about matters of this world...and he should always focus on Hashem's greatness...and then he will attain love of Hashem. This is implied from the pasuk לאיש שמחה... How can a person attain the joy of loving Hashem? פיו במענה, by afflicting his mouth (because מענה is from the word סיגוף ,עינוי, affliction). When a person afflicts his mouth by refraining from speaking matters that aren't related to avodas Hashem...and when he thinks pure thoughts."
