There’s a Passuk that the Aruch HaShulchan brings down: גָרֵש לֵץ וְיֵצֵא מָדוֹן משלי כב י Get rid of her, and now you're a lucky guy. Nuuuu? THAT Passuk is for you. Good riddens! So happy; happily divorced! Best thing I ever did. Spend your lifetime NOT getting caught in a Chazal that doesn’t fit for you. There's: ע' פָ נִ ים לַ תוֹרָ ה 70 facets to the Torah. In every move that’s going on in your life, I can have 100 Chazal's that say this is the best thing, and another 100 that say it’s the worst. You're getting involved in nitty-gritties that are not for you. Oh, you want to know the intellectual meaning of it? I'm not getting involved in that. I can have different answers for you. But you don’t need to get Pshat in that. You don’t need to spend a lifetime with guilt because you got divorced. NO WAY! R' Baruch Ber got divorced! Nuuuu? Moshe Rabeinu got divorced. Nuuuu? Come on! You have a lot of company. The son-in-law of R' Ahron Kotler got divorced. What are you talking about? What's wrong with getting divorced? Nothing wrong! It’s good news! I know a lot of happily divorced people. You’d be a MESS if you stayed in that marriage. You're so lucky!
And from time to time, maybe you should send your ex a box of chocolates, and say “I’m so thankful that I got rid of you!” I'm just joking. I don’t think you should actually do that. But in your mind, that’s what you have to think. “Good ridden’s lady! It’s so good without you! In fact, you did wonders for me!” Or if you are a lady, write to your husband (don’t actually write this. But in your mind, you say) “I want to thank you so much! Not having you is a bonus in my life. It’s so pleasant. Thank you so much! Now I appreciate, because I got rid of you. You showed me ... you taught me so much in my life. Getting divorced from you is a major milestone in my life. You did wonders for me. I'm so grateful to you. Now I can breathe easily, and I'm rid of all that stuff”. That’s what I recommend. I mean, you don’t have to actually do it, don’t look for trouble. But in your mind...
“Maybe I did wrong??” Don’t get involved in: מִזְבֵחַ מוֹרִ יד עָלָיו דְ מָעוֹת the Mizbeach that weeps. I guarantee you; you have nothing to worry about. You are a successfully divorced person. There's no reason in the world to look back. It’s a Yetzer Hara! You're getting tied into stuff that’s not for you. You did it; it worked. Even if Chas V'shalom you'd be single now, I would still speak like this to you. But especially since you are remarried, and it’s working, you PROVED that it was a mistake! GOODBY! That’s the way you need to think.
Now look. I may not speak like this to other people. They may need to hear other things. But this is not for YOU, i.e., a happily remarried person; get away from that Chazal! Every Chazal is Kodesh Kodoshim. And many Chazal's contradict each other. Stick to the Chazal's that make you feel good. It’s a Yetzer Hara to look back, and start looking for trouble. You're fine, it worked, and just forget about it. Don’t even think about it for a second. That Chazal is made for other people. And don’t get involved in Gemara. Ladies are not supposed to get involved in Gemara. That’s my advice for you. Keep away from Gemara’s. It looks like you are a good wife; you did well on your second time. Enjoy your second husband, and have a good life together. Don’t ever look back, and don’t ever look for trouble (“I did something wrong”) You did something right! Happily divorced. Keep up the good work. And I wish you continued Hatzlacha. Kol Tuv!
You can submit your questions to Rabbi Mandel by emailing them to [email protected]
