You think if your husband says something to you that’s when you should be a lion?! No, that’s when you slink away quietly like a sheep. You look like a sheep; you’re slinking away quietly like a sheep. But actually you’re the lion here. That’s called an eishes chayil. That’s called strength.
Fight With Your Yetzer
Everybody knows what it states in Pirkei Avos: רֹוּבƒּ‚ּהו∆יז≈‡ – Who is called ‘mighty’? ֹרו¿ˆƒי ̇∆‡ ׁ̆≈בֹוּכַה – A person who can overcome his inclination (4:1). So we see that that’s called mightiness. You need strength to overcome the natural inclinations, the instinctive reactions.
Not only to keep your mouth closed. There are many yetzers that must be fought against: men and women, there’s a tremendous yetzer hara there. The desire for wealth, the desire for kavod, the desire for jealousy, the desire for revenge. And of course there’s anger and gaavah. There are many forms of yetzer and all of them are given to us for one purpose – so that we should fight back against them.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants of us strength! Strength of character! That’s what Hashem expects of a Jew! And if that’s what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants then we must learn the art, how to acquire this strength.
Part III. Strong Muscles
Muscle Building
Now, before we go on with this subject, I’m going to tell you something in elementary psychology. Those who know more about the subject I think will agree, but even if they don’t I’ll say it anyway because it’s true.
You know, your muscles must be exercised in order to develop them. With this, everybody agrees. People who play tennis have one arm that is very much developed; a blacksmith or a man who works all day with one arm you see that his hands are very uneven. This one is big and muscular, and the other one is smaller. It’s well-known. Muscles atrophy because of disuse, and they develop exceedingly because of practice.
Now the same is true of the muscles of the character. If a person is always showing weakness, always giving in to himself, so the ‘muscles’ of self-control and strength of character begin to become flabby. And conversely, if you use the muscles, if you use them again and again, so they become firm; they grow tough.
And therefore one method of gaining strength of character is to employ strength of character; to find various ways of exercising the character muscles. And it’s something that we can do all the time if we put our minds to it.
Silent Strength
One form of exercise that is very available and it’s very effective too, is to practice not talking. If a person practices keeping his mouth closed – he wants to shoot off his mouth, to say a wisecrack or retort but he doesn’t – he becomes a gibor in character after a while.
It’s not very difficult to practice. Anytime you have to talk, think beforehand. Whatever you have to say, try to say it briefly. Don’t sit down and talk and talk and talk and talk. You know, when people talk at length, they are showing their weakness; they have to talk out what’s inside of them. A strong person does not say what is inside – he keeps it to himself.
Especially if somebody says something to you, let’s say, a husband or wife, and you right away want to answer back. Oh no! That’s a weakling. If you’re a gibor you keep quiet! You don’t have to answer. You don’t have to be right. You don’t have to have the last word. It’s nothing. It will pass by.
And therefore, if both the husband and wife can be strong and keep quiet, that’s the very best thing. And Hashem loves you for that. He loves a man who keeps quiet. He loves a woman who keeps quiet. You know why? Because to be quiet, you have to be strong. It takes the character of a lion to keep quiet and Hashem loves Jewish lions.
Unwanted Invitations
Another exercise: Avoid going to places where you don’t have to go! People run around to every kind of simchah. Some people never miss an invitation; every chasunah and every kiddush and every bris, every pidyon haben, they are always there. Of course, there is a mitzvah to go, no question about it. But if a person is always running around, always going to places where he can eat something, a place where he can enjoy company, so he is a weak man. He can’t control himself.
Don’t run around always to everything. Be strong and say no. Just because everybody is going, so you have to go too?! That’s not a lion; that’s a little shepseleh being pulled along with the flock.
Anyone who wants to become a lamdan has to put in work into learning in his spare time, absolutely! And he has to be strong for that. He doesn’t care about the fact that he could go someplace else and have a ‘good time.’ It could be he does care; his friends are going to the pizza shop, to the amusement park, and he likes pizza too. But no, he won’t be a weakling. Just because his chaveirim are going, so what? He’s a lion; he’ll spend time doing chazarah, reviewing the shiur, making sure he understands what he learns.
Save Your Character
Another form of weakness is if a person is always ready to spend money on unnecessary things. Frugality, saving your money, is a strength of character. Men and women, instead of buying what you don’t need, put your money in the bank. Yes, you can give tzedakah too, but saving money is a very good thing. It is a strength of character to save money. You shouldn’t always buy whatever your eyes see. It’s a weakness. If you see a neighbor has certain expensive things, you also have to buy expensive things?
All of these things are signs of weakness, yielding to the environment, to your desire. The luxuries that people have today are all unnecessary things. Many things people can avoid spending money on if they would be willing to flex their muscles of character.
A Snake for a Father
Boys who see that there is a bar mitzvah where parents waste so much money – it’s a bar mitzvah like a chasunah. Poor people have to suffer from that, because their sons say, “I want a bar mitzvah like the other boys have.” But if the boy would have a little chochmah, he would build up his strength of character muscles, he would say, “No, I’ll get along with a little bar mitzvah. I don’t need this expensive bar mitzvah.” That little boy is becoming the lion that Yaakov wanted to see in his children.
And who needs a wedding in the biggest fancy hall with everything there, all kinds of expensive things? You can make weddings cheaper too. People should learn self-control. Be a gibor and not waste money.
Sometimes you have to be a snake, and tell your daughter or your son, “Nothing doing! We’re not spending that money!” There are good places to put your money. You don’t have to give it to caterers and to other people who are wasting your money. And so saving money is also a form of strength of character.
Holy Dieting
I’ll tell you one more exercise before our time runs out. Another way to strengthen your character is by not eating unnecessary things. Absolutely you should eat; and you should enjoy it too. But it should be with strength of character. You eat what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants you to eat for your health. But the things that spoil your health, you have to practice being a gibor and you say, “No, I’m not touching it.”
Nosherai?! Who needs it? And some people indulge even in liquor and in smoking. Chas v’shalom! Smoking is a weakness of character! Drinking is a weakness of character. Here is a man smoking – he is a weakling! He is a chalash! A strong man doesn’t smoke.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu likes giborim; He likes people of character, people who can say, “No, I’m not going to do that.” And יןƒיכƒלֹמו ̇∆כ∆לָל ה∆ˆֹרו םָ„ָ‡∆ׁ̆¿ך∆ר∆„¿ּבֹוֹ̇ו‡, it’s the people who want to be strong and they labor to become lions, those are the ones whom Hashem will help succeed.
Seeking Help
Now, as much as we practice up, you have to know that you can’t do it on your own. ֹׁ̆ו„ַָּ̃ה ‡≈לָמ¿לƒ‡ֹלו לֹכוָי ֹינו≈‡ ֹרו¿זֹעו ‡ּהו¿ךּרוָּב – Without Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s help you can’t do it (Kiddushin 30b). And therefore, no matter what, we have to always be asking Hashem for His help; He should make us strong. Your tefillos have to be full of asking Hashem to help you with strength of character, for energy and vigor to stand up to everything.
That’s what Dovid Hamelech says, ן≈ּ̇ƒי ֹוּמַﬠ¿ל זֹע 'ה – Hashem gives strength to His people (Tehillim 29:11). It means that a person is able to gain more fortitude, more strength of character, if he has a connection to Hashem. If he thinks about Hakadosh Baruch Hu, if he prays to Him, “Hashem please help me; please help me be strong to overcome all the obstacles.” If you are always thinking about Hashem, so He says, “I’m going to help you.” That’s what it means, ן≈ּ̇ƒי ֹוּמַﬠ¿ל זֹע 'ה.
And therefore, one of the great forces in gaining strength of character is a person’s emunah and bitachon in Hashem. When a person doesn’t think about Hashem – he’s just a frum Jew, but his mind is empty of the emunah, that person is able to yield many times, chas v’sholom. If Hashem is not on your mind, if you’re not constantly thinking about the strength that Hashem wants from you, then you can't be a fountain of energy.
Gird Yourself With Strength
If you haven’t developed Torah attitudes for how to deal with all the tests of life, and you’re not turning to Hashem constantly for His help in being strong, then you’re fighting a losing battle. Because of all the things that the yetzer hara would like to accomplish – and he wants to accomplish a lot of things with us – the most important to him is that we should be weak of courage, that we should capitulate easily. Strength is the yetzer hara’s enemy! When he sees strength, that’s his enemy. When strength comes in, the yetzer hara has to go out.
And that’s why we mention it every morning as soon as we get out of bed. הָרּבו¿‚ƒּב ל≈‡ָר¿ׂ̆ƒי ר≈זֹו‡ – Hashem, thank You for girding me with strength, with the belt of gevurah. Isn’t that a pity, that you say these words and you don’t utilize the tremendous opportunity which it affords us? Right away in the morning, you put on a belt, you put on a gartel, whatever it is, it’s a sign of gevurah; you’re girding yourself for battle. It’s a reminder that you’re heading out in the world to be a gibor.
It’s a good thing to think about when you make this brachah. הָרּבו¿‚ƒּב ל≈‡ָר¿ׂ̆ƒי ר≈זֹו‡ ... 'ה הַָּ̇‡¿ךּרוָּב – Hashem, You have girded us with the strength of the lion, of the wolf and the snake, to overcome it all! The belt is only a symbol – if you forgot your belt at home or maybe you wear suspenders, no matter – you still have to know that you’re putting on the koach of gevurah that is going to help you live successfully despite everything that you face in this world.
People of Verve
That’s what Hashem looks most of all – the quality of energy, those who act with gevurah in the service of Hashem. Hakadosh Baruch Hu loves giborim. He loves people of character, people who can say “No, I’m not impressed by the umos haolam. I’m not going to follow what the crowd does. I’m not going to waste money. I won’t waste time and I won’t waste words. I won’t be a milquetoast and let my inclinations run roughshod over me. No! I’m going to be strong! I’ll keep on thinking about my duty in this world, mah chovoso b’olomo, and not yield to every wind that blows.” That is what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants. He wants a gibor, like a lion, like a wolf, like a serpent.
And that’s the special strength that Yaakov wished to see in his children – the verve and fortitude and boldness to overcome everything; all the sheker of the outside world, all the foolishness that has seeped into our people, and all of the middos ra’os and inclinations that are inside of us.
And it’s these people, the ones who are capable of applying the middah of gevurah in their lives, they’re the ones who will live most successfully. Because they know that even though יƒנ‡ֹˆ ן≈ַּ̇‡¿ו, we are His flock (Yechezkel 34:31), we are also His lions and wolves and serpents. It means that even though we are kind-hearted and soft and submissive, but when it’s required we are capable of bringing forth the energy of these creatures that Yaakov identified us with. Those are the ones whom Hashem loves most and they are the ones who are singled out to stand before Him forever in this world and the next.
Have A Wonderful Shabbos
Let’s Get Practical
Awake With Strength
Yaakov blessed his children with the quality of energetic animals, because it’s people with energy who are successful in life. Every morning this week before I say the brachah of הָרּבו¿‚ƒּב ל≈‡ָר¿ׂ̆ƒי ר≈זֹו‡, I will bli neder stop for ten seconds and think about the gevurah that Hashem wants me to gird myself with before I go out to face the world. There are so many temptations, so many tests and obstacles, that I face every day, and it’s only because I’m willing to tighten my ‘strength of character belt’ that I’ll have the vigor and courage and boldness to overcome it all.
This week's booklet is based on tapes: 81 - Valor | 279 - Judah the Lion 857 - Lion of Yehuda | E-63 - Strength of Character Listen: 718.289.0899 Press 1 for English and 2 for Thursday Night Lectures
