Let’s talk about a way of speaking that has become the norm in our crowd. Obviously, it makes a huge difference who is using this expression. If you see another person succeeding, and you say “b’li ayin hara,” you’re saying it because it’s important to you to safeguard him from harm. We know that there is something called “harm via sight,” and that is why one should not gaze intently at someone else’s field where a beautiful crop of wheat is growing, as we are taught in maseches Bava Metzia. Nor should one look into another person’s home, chalilah. Even someone who is working on himself is liable to discover that his heart is not pure enough, not completely clear of jealousy and competitiveness. In order not to cause the other person harm, he says “b’li ayin hara.”
On the other hand, when someone who is succeeding says “b’li ayin hara,” this shows that he is afraid that others will harm him. Here the question arises: What is he afraid of? We’ve learned and reviewed again and again the words of Rabbenu Bachyai: There is no power in the world that can cause one benefit or harm if it is not the Will of the Creator! Why should we be afraid of other people?!
In the fifth chapter of Shaar Habitachon Rabbenu Bachyai explains that someone who has not yet strengthened himself in working on bitachon will relate with great seriousness to what others think of him, and if he experiences some evil or financial loss, he will think this happened because of others, and that they have the ability to remove the evil from him as well.
In the commentary Pas Lechem it is explained: How can a logical person think that another human being caused him to become sick? The answer is that he is sure that someone specific gave him an ayin hara, and that is why he became sick. Or, the neighbor saw his laundry hanging on the line and said: What a good smell this laundry has, and how nice and shiny the clothing are! It happened because of her, and only because of her: She gave an ayin hara, and afterward, when the girl wore the dress, it tore...
This mode of thought afflicts people who never invested in learning bitachon. They walk through the streets afraid – who knows what the other person is thinking and what he’s looking at? And all the neighbors are liable to cause him harm... These people’s lives are very difficult. It’s not simple at all to live among enemies who hate us. It’s an impossible challenge! Moreover, these thoughts don’t remain only in one’s heart. At some point they will burst out. As Rabbenu Bachyai says, because these thoughts first entered his mind and soul, he will eventually come to be disgusted by these people, to speak badly of them, to curse and to hate them.
And why did all this happen? Because of the fact that a person blames others for what happened to him, and the vicious cycle continues. A thin wisp of dislike grows thicker until it becomes a thick rope of distance and hatred, and thus his life becomes ever more complicated. His brothers are confusing to him, his loved ones are his enemies, his neighbors are a source of conflict, and his list of blacklisted people grows longer and longer.
Is this ayin hara a configuration of those who lack emunah? We know that ayin hara exists. So let us understand it. The fact that there exists in the world a power that can cause harm to someone is not news to us. Ayin hara is indeed a type of curse, and therefore we must be careful not to give someone else an ayin hara. Rather, we should be happy for the other person’s sake. However, when it comes to ourselves, we have nothing to fear. A person should not show off what he has or do anything to arouse jealousy in others. However, there are people who, when someone praises them, immediately respond with “b’li ayin hara.” In the course of a single conversation one can catch them saying this dozens of times. This is not the proper way! In the entire sefer Chovos Halevavos, Rabbenu Bachyai does not mention the term “b’li ayin hara” even once.
How should we react when someone praises our child, our happy occasion, or our family? We should say, with feeling, “Baruch Hashem.” “Hodu laHashem!” “Chasdei Hashem!” When we remember that everything is heavenly ordained, then we attribute all our successes and yeshuos – the beauty, the chein, the expansiveness, and the pleasantness – to the Ribbono shel Olam. Then we surround all the bounty from the Creator of all worlds with the great protection of bitachon. “I will say about Hashem, He is my Protection... my G-d in Whom I trust” (Tehillim 91:2). In His great mercy He will safeguard for us the gifts He has given us, and we will try as hard as we can to use them in ways that will bring Him nachas. This is the correct way for those who are learning and strengthening themselves in Shaar Habitachon.
May we be zocheh always to take joy in the free gifts that the good King gives us at all times; amen.
(Excerpt from shiur 241 in Shaar Habitachon. To listen to the shiur, press 4 after selecting a language, or dial directly: 02-301-1904)
