“We have to send him away, he is a terrible influence and danger to our son.” So said Sarah to her husband Avraham, referring to his son Yishmael.
The Torah tells us Sarah’s cause for concern. She wanted Avraham to send Yishmael away because she saw him “Metzachek”. Rashi, quotes our sages that this word refers to each of the three most serious of Aveiros; idolatry, immorality and also bloodshed. Yishmael engaged in all three Aveiros and would ’jokingly’ shoot arrows at Yitzchak.
Yishmael did not reflect or live up to the values of his father’s home and upbringing. Sarah did not want Yishmael to stay in the house where he may be a negative influence on her own son Yitzchak. In her eyes, Yishmael’s presence in the home posed a spiritual and physical danger.
Avraham was no fool. He knew who Yishmael was and how he was behaving. But he did not want to send him away. This was the same Yishmael that Avraham davened for when Hashem promised him another child, saying Lu Yishmael Yichye Lefanecha - “if only Yishmael will live before you”.
Avraham believed in Yishmael and davened that Hashem would help him to do Teshuvah. Avraham loved Yishmael and wanted to keep him close. He could not agree to Sarah’s request.
Only after Hashem explicitly told Avraham to listen to Sarah’s voice, did he relent.
Recently, someone asked me a question about this episode. Surely we would not do this now, to “throw-out” a child who is rebellious. Why would Hashem issue such a directive? And what lesson are we supposed to take from it?
Perhaps that is the very lesson itself! Only Hashem, who is all-knowing and is absolute truth and goodness, could command such a thing. And only if Hashem Himself said to do so, would we be able to take such a drastic step.
At the end of the Parsha we read about the Akeidah. Hashem tells Avraham to take Yitzchak and offer him as a sacrifice - effectively a command to kill his son. As Avraham was ready to bring down the knife to fulfil this command, an angel calls out, telling him ”do not send for your hand against the child.”
Many commentaries question how the instruction to not go through with the Akeidah could come from an angel, when the command to bring Yitzchak as an offering had been given by Hashem.
The Baalei Derush learn that when it comes to issuing a “death-sentence”, only Hashem alone can give the command. But to save a soul, we listen to even a far-lesser voice of authority.
We live in times where sadly many Jewish parents and families face the challenge of children who have gone away from the values of their upbringing. In some cases they may be caught up in very harmful and negative behaviours.
Parents struggle with worry about these children being a negative influence on their other children. Sadly, in the past there was a belief that such children should be sent away from home.
Throwing a child out of the house is like pronouncing a death sentence; taking a tremendous emotional and psychological toll with terrible risks ר“ל. These children desperately need the love, support and protection of their parents, their home and their family.
Yishmael was in a different category entirely. None of the extreme behaviours we see in our homes today are anything like Yishmael! And even for him, Avraham went out to bat, to try at all costs to keep him home. Only Hashem could make that call.
Today we hear voices of reason from Daas Torah, Rabbis and therapists telling us “do not send your hand forth against the child”. Like Avraham at the Akeidah, this is the voice that we need to heed. The same authorities give us guidance on how to navigate the challenges involved in having a struggling child at home, and how to explain things to the other children.
In the merit of our unconditional love and dedication to every child, may Hashem shower us with His love and bring us back home, to Yerushalaim with Moshiach Tzidkeinu.
