And Yaakov said to his brothers, ‘Gather stones!’...“ (31:46)
After spending twenty years in Charan, Yaakov flees with his family to Eretz Yisroel. Lavan pursues Yaakov with the intention of killing him. However, Hashem intervenes and warns Lavan not to harm Yaakov. When he confronts Yaakov, Lavan proposes a treaty. Among the terms of the treaty a landmark is designated on the border between Canaan and Aram which both parties agree not to cross with hostile intentions. The verse records “Yaakov said to his brothers ‘Gather stones!’ So they gathered stones for a mound upon which they ate a meal.” The commentaries disagree as to who the “brothers” of Yaakov are and what eating upon this mound signifies The Ramban understands that the brothers are Lavan’s companions and the meal is part of the covenant, signaling mutual acceptance of the pact.
However, Rashi maintains that the brothers are, in fact, Yaakov’s children, and that they are referred to as “brothers” because they stand by Yaakov in battle and times of distress. The meal, therefore, signifies Yaakov staking his claim to the area past the Aramean border.
The bond between children and parents is even closer than that between siblings. How does the Torah’s referring to Yaakov’s children as his “brothers” reflect their commitment to their father in battle? What insight into the parent-child relationship is the Torah offering?
Commensurate to the responsibility a parent expects his child to assume, is the independence which the parent must be willing to allow his child to acquire. Parents must allow their children the freedom to stand on their own. Not given this freedom, a child will perceive himself as completely subordinate in his position vis-à-vis his parents, for they have always been his caretakers and providers. Consequently, he will never be in the proper state of mind to assume the mantle of responsibility required by his parents.
Rashi is explaining that Yaakov does not call his children “brothers” because they go to battle with him, rather, to assure that they would be able to go to battle with him. A child has a greater commitment to his parent than to his sibling. However, this does not ensure that he will be more effective in performing the task required. A child who views his parents as his protectors, will be ineffective in their defense. By Yaakov giving his children a sense of equality, he brings forth from within them a new level of responsibility which would be required in dire straits.
