On the Shabbos of parashas Vayetzei, Rebbe Mordechai of Lechovitz zy ’a informed his chassidim, “This Shabbos, I will not teach you Torah. I know that you are waiting to hear about shalom bayis, but this week, I don't have to teach you because whatever you need to know, you can find in the parasha." Those weren't his exact words, but this was his intention. He wouldn't teach Torah on Shabbos Parashas Vayetzei because any lesson his chassidim needed to hear would be found in the parasha. Therefore, we begin this week with practical ideas gleaned from the parasha that each person can utilize in his home.
In many relationships, there is a stronger figure and a weaker one. For example, parents and children, a teacher and a student, a boss with his workers, and often a husband with his wife or visa-versa. The stronger figure might have the ability to enforce his way and opinion over the other, and the weaker party is forced to oblige, but as we will see, it isn't wise to do anything with force. Instead, the stronger one should convince the weaker party to see things as he does. We learn this concept from this week's parasha.
Hashem told Yaakov Avinu that he must leave Lavan's house and return to Eretz Canaan, as it states (31:3), “Hashem said to Yaakov, 'Return to the land of your forefathers and your birthplace, and I will be with you.'" Yaakov could have forced Rachel and Leah to return with him, or he could have simply told Rachel and Leah what Hashem said, and then for sure, they would have nothing to say. But in ten pesukim, Yaakov explained to Rachel and Leah that it was in their best interest to leave their father's home. He told them that their father hates him and wants to harm him and that he has tricked him one hundred times. Then, when Yaakov told them what Hashem commanded him, they wholeheartedly left their father's home. They said (31:14, 15) "Do we still have a share or an inheritance in our father's house? Are we not considered by him as strangers, for he sold us and also consumed our money?"
Rashi explains that they said, "Even at a time when people usually give a dowry to their daughters, viz. at the time of marriage, he behaved toward us as [one behaves toward] strangers, for he sold us to you (for you served him fourteen years for us, and he gave us to you only) as wages for labor... He also ate our money because he would withhold your wages." They agreed to leave with Yaakov and go to Eretz Canaan.
The Shlah HaKadosh (Vayetzei 44) explains, “When one wants something from his family, it isn’t proper to force them – even when he rules over them. Instead, he should persuade them – as best as he can – until they agree with him and want the same as he wants. It’s better when they are encouraged to see things as he does rather than to force them to obey. See how many words Yaakov Avinu used to convince Rachel and Leah to agree to his request with a happy heart, even after HaKadosh Baruch Hu commanded him to do so.
