Healing All our Problems by Becoming Humble
What Hubris Does
Finding the Source of the Pain
Suppose a person came to the doctor with pain in his leg. The doctor does various tests, but he cannot find the source of the pain. He does further testing, and he still cannot get to the bottom of things... so he sends his patient to a doctor who deals with cancer, R”l. But the patient doesn’t understand. He says, “I came here with pain in my leg. Why are you sending me to a cancer doctor?!
After checking him out thoroughly, the second doctor turns to him with a severe expression, and explains that he will soon need to undergo a series of treatments. Again, the patient exclaims, “If you can’t find the source of the pain in my leg, you should have the humility to say that you don’t know. Why do you need to invent new illnesses for me?!”
We all understand that this patient is delusional. For if a person will pay attention only to the location of his pain, he may miss the bigger picture... a severe, life-threatening illness, R”l.
Why Tefillos May Be Blocked
Similarly, a person may be experiencing a problem in his life. Something pains him, and he is seeking a solution and a salvation... he attempts to repair the issue, but he is unsuccessful. What does a Yid do in such a quandary? If he is somewhat a yerei Shamayim, he cries out to Hashem. What happens if he is not answered immediately? He does more hishtadlus, he makes further efforts. Then he turns back to his davening, and back again to his efforts... and nothing works. After his unanswered davening he says, “I must not have made enough hishtadlus.” And after his unfruitful hishtadlus, he says, “I must not have davened enough.” And so it goes, round and round.
In all this time, he didn’t bother to open a Rambam, a Tehillim, or a Gemara, to see that when a person is a ba’al ga’avah, his tefillos are not answered. Indeed, hubris is a great impediment to tefillos. His tefillos aren’t accepted, for Hashem says, “He and I cannot live together” (see Sotah 5a).
Hubris Distorts the Normal Course of the World
When the Gemara (Berachos 32a) tells us that one of the impediments to tefillah is תפלה, עיון when a person davens hard and expects to see his desired results... He is practically exclaiming that he “deserves” that his tefillos be answered because, after all, he has davened so hard. The Gemara is referring to a feeling of ga’avah—which ruins the tefillah.
It is possible for a person to wander around aimlessly in this way for many years without realizing that his problem is hubris. Ga’avah?! “That’s something that applies to big people,” he says. “I have problems with big yetzer haras, and you’re coming to talk to me about ga’avah?! You don’t understand. If you would know me, you would never talk to me about something like that. I have bigger problems... shalom bayis, chinuch, parnassah. Who can talk about ga’avah now? Why are you even talking to me about this?”
The Ba’al Ga’avah Doesn’t Listen
Were a person to still his hubris for a moment and listen, he would understand that the reason he doesn’t have siyatta diShmaya is because of his hubris, and 90 percent of his complaints and questions would be answered if he weren’t haughty. His tefillos aren’t answered because of his ga’avah. He can’t attain clarity in Torah because his mind is preoccupied with thoughts of ga’avah which prevent him from properly understanding the truth of Torah; the right things cannot enter his mind. He davens for his eyes to be illuminated in Torah... for his heart to be opened in Torah—but he is not allowing the Torah to penetrate his mind.
He talks to the Ribbono shel Olam, and pleads with Him to teach him Torah. “Teach me the truth,” he demands. Says HaKadosh Baruch Hu: “Okay, I am about to reveal to you a certain chisaron of yours. Are you sitting?!...” But this person keeps on interrupting. He doesn’t want to hear. And thus, there is no way that he will ever get to the truth if he doesn’t listen with humility.
Recognizing the Truth
When a person lives with the recognition that he is filled with errors, he needs Hashem to have rachmanus on him—even though he doesn’t deserve it—and reveal to him at least part of his errors. Such a person is humble and willing to listen. He davens to Hashem, “I don’t think I deserve anything, but You are compassionate, and I am filled with mistakes that impede my success in ruchniyus and in gashmiyus. Thus, I implore You to illuminate for me and guide me where I have erred.” And when HaKadosh Baruch Hu does reveal his mistakes to him, he is overjoyed.
But when a person doesn’t open his heart and his mind to accept mussar—for he feels that he knows everything and he deserves everything—he will be unable to succeed in Torah and tefillah.
Hubris Destroys Relationships
The same applies to the area of ahavas Yisrael. A great part of a person’s chiyus and kirvas Elokim is dependent upon his love for other Yidden, which is the foundation of Yiddishkeit. A person must always be tethered to וישראל ואורייתא הוא בריך קודשא, the Ribbono shel Olam, Torah, and his fellow Yid. And if he isn’t properly connected to other Yidden, he can’t draw chiyus from the Ribbono shel Olam.
And why is he disconnected from fellow Yidden? Again, it is because of ga’avah! He understands better than everyone, everyone else are fools.... His hubris doesn’t allow him to connect with others, and he ends up arguing with many people.
Breaking the News
The question is, how do we break it to this person? How do we broach the topic to the ba’al ga’avah? By the time the shadchan for his children’s shidduchim breaks the issue to him—telling him, “Get off your high horse... you won’t get the shidduchim that you think you deserve”—it is a brutal awakening. A person could be sitting with a number of older singles at home, R”l, and sometimes the impediment to their shidduchim is very clear: He is a ba’al ga’avah.
This person suffers twofold: Many of his problems come because of his ga’avah, and when he davens for his problems, his tefillah isn’t a true tefillah, because it is laced with self-entitlement and hubris—thus preventing the salvation from coming.
Seeking Healing
If we would try to send this person for treatment by an expert in healing people with hubris, he would likely look at you and say, “It seems you didn’t understand. My problem is not ga’avah... my problem is that we can’t find shidduchim for my children. Why are you sending me to a ga’avah doctor?!” Similarly, he will say, “I have an issue: I don’t understand my learning. Why are you talking to me about ga’avah? Everyone has certain things that they don’t feel a taste in... and, unfortunately, Torah learning is something that I can’t connect to! But what does ga’avah have to do with this?”
Were a person to come to the recognition that his lack of success is rooted in his ga’avah, he would look at the matter differently... and he would search mightily for someone who can heal him from it. Indeed, the matter requires a healer. The Rambam writes that a person must seek out a healer of the nefesh, a spiritual healer.
The Rambam is telling us: You must understand that a person has illnesses and ailments that paralyze his inner organs. His heart doesn’t work properly... his mind doesn’t work properly. His inner ratzon could have elevated him to lofty levels, but he is stuck with thoughts and attitudes of ga’avah. When he understands this, he will search for ways to heal himself.
