In this week’s Parsha, we find Yaakov Avinu preparing to meet, and perhaps do battle with Eisav. Yaakov says to Hashem, "I have become small from all the kindnesses and from all the truth that You have rendered to Your servant." (Bereishis 32:11)
Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetsky ZT”L (1891-1986) was known for his encyclopedic knowledge of Torah. He was also known for his extraordinary honesty and integrity.
Once, when asked a complex question in Halacha (Jewish law), he responded that he needed to review the relevant Halachic sources before answering the question. The questioner was surprised and said, "But Rabbi, you have been teaching these laws for over 50 years! Surely you know the answer, a review of the sources is not necessary." Rav Yaakov replied, "Yes, but as the Rav of the town, I am being paid to give an answer. Therefore, I must review the sources again to ensure I am giving you the most accurate response possible. Otherwise, I would be taking payment in my position as Rav without providing my congregation with the full value they deserve."
Even though the questioner was right about Rav Yaakov knowing the answer to the question without a review of the sources, since Rav Yaakov was getting paid, he felt he needed to do the very best he could to answer the question, which included a double-check of the sources even though he knew he was right. Anything less, Rav Yaakov felt, would be shortchanging the ones who paid his salary.
Rashi comments on this verse and explains that Yaakov was fearful that Hashem’s promise to protect him and do good for him may have been in jeopardy. Therefore, he was fearful of Eisav. This was due to all of the kindness that Hashem had shown him already which he felt may have “used up” some of his merits. Pair that with the sins that Yaakov felt that he committed, and Yaakov came to the conclusion that there was reason for concern.
The Kochavei Ohr explains that true humility is not the result of misreading a situation and one’s limitations. Rather, it is the result of accurately assessing a situation and one’s shortcomings. In short, Yaakov was right to be concerned.
Yaakov is known as the, “Bechir HaAvos” – the choicest of the forefathers, and a person with lessor Middos would certainly be confident in his many merits and come to the conclusion that he had nothing to fear from Eisav. The fact that Yaakov accurately assessed the concerning situation shows his extraordinary capacity for humility and honest self-reflection.
Yaakov was on the highest of levels and was able to engage in self-reflection that accurately depicted his merits and shortcomings. We, however, must be careful to ensure that when we engage in our own self-reflection, we assess where we stand accurately and do not for example, negate the value of our merits.
The Gerrer Rebbe points out that the Midrash tells us that the Torah was given on Har Sinai, a smaller mountain, rather than the very highest of mountains to teach us humility. That being the case, he asks, “Why was the Torah given on a mountain at all? Let it be given in a lowly valley?” He answers that we must ensure that our humility does not emanate from a place where low self-esteem causes us to negate our merits. To put it succinctly, we must be like Har Sinai - we must be both “small” and a “mountain”. We must be small and humble, and accurately assess our shortcomings, yet be a mountain and strong and have the proper self-esteem to appreciate who we are and to properly value our accomplishments.
