Low and warm tone: “I hope you have no Hakpados for this or for that that I may have done to you”.
I knew a person who was quite rebellious as a teen, and he told me that the warmth of this person brought him back. Before Yom Kippur, he can make a trip to ask someone Mechila. Not having Hakpados and being M'vater is a major issue in his life. He told me that if a person doesn’t work on his Middos, then as he gets older, he becomes an “old Baal Ga'ava’nik” worse and worse, Chas V'shalom. He said that a person can carry around Hakpados on people for years and years, Rachmana Litzlan.
To erase a Hakpada, you need to talk to the other person and melt the ice again and again without end. To make telephone calls just to have a conversation with the person you dislike. I know of a Chashuva Novardoker who used to make believe he needed to know certain telephone numbers in order to make conversation with a person who rubbed him wrong. When you don’t talk and make assumptions, then it only gets worse.
This person learns Mussar for hours and hours, and he told me that whenever he has a spare moment, he opens up a Mussar Sefer. Mussar to him is like life itself. He told me that not learning Mussar is a major Nisayon in a person’s life. This person has loads of respect for everybody. He is a very calm person, and he looks like he’s always thinking how to go against his Ratzon. He grabs every opportunity.
