There is a concept spoken about in the seforim called tikkun – ‘improvement’ or ‘rectifying’ – which is fundamental to the life of every Jew and therefore deserves our attention. Now, in the language of kabbalah, of the esoteric, tikkun refers to the improvement of the world – not only this world that is apparent to our eyes, but also other worlds that the kabbalah speaks about. It’s a mysterious and valuable study called tikkun olam, the various ways and methods of rectifying the physical and spiritual worlds.
Maybe someday we’ll talk a little, al pi the Nefesh HaChayim, of the big tikkunim, rectifications that are beyond our view, that are accomplished in the spiritual worlds by capable men. But for now, it’s beyond our ken; we don’t have the means of appreciating it enough.
Unmysterious Fixes
But there is another branch of tikkun which is even more fundamental and it’s not as mysterious – wherever you look in the Torah, you find this concept reiterated – and that’s the great function – not of tikkun olam but of tikkun atzmi, the perfection of one’s self. And that’s the subject I wanted to speak about tonight.
Now tikkun atzmi is also not a simple concept because there are various areas of this avodah and each one is a subject of its own; each one deserves its own lecture – or lectures. However, for our purposes right now there’s one form of tikkun of one’s self that we’re going to deal with and that is tikkun of one’s character. And even though it’s not so mysterious if we have time at the end, we’ll see that this tikkun is also connected to the kabbalah; it’s also part of the esoteric studies.
Loading and Unloading
We begin with a mitzvah in this week’s sedrah. Everybody who studied a little bit of Chumash knows that when it comes to helping your fellow Jew with his packages, there are two distinct mitzvos in the Torah: prikah and te’inah – unloading and loading.
Prikah means, let’s say, that your fellowman is trying to unload a heavy bail of hay from his donkey that is weakening under its load, so it’s a mitzvah to help him. You should not allow yourself to pass by and leave him to deal with it on his own, instead, you should forgo your plans and hurry to help him (Shemos 23:5).
By the way, not only to unload donkeys; to unload your fellowman, that’s also a mitzvah. If you find your fellowman is loaded down with a heavy bag of groceries and you see he’s having difficulty, you shouldn’t ignore him. You should stop and offer your services at least part of the way or you offer to hold it while he adjusts himself for a moment until he’s ready to continue. Sometimes you see he’s struggling with the shopping cart; it’s hard for him to negotiate the sidewalk. So if you can lend a hand to raise the shopping wagon, to unload his weight, it’s a mitzvah to help him. It’s like the mitzvah of prikah; if it’s a mitzvah to unload his donkey so to unload him, that surely is a mitzvah.
Now, there’s a second mitzvah called te’inah, to help somebody load a burden. You see a fellow Jew trying to lift a heavy bag onto his donkey – even if he’s down the block and you’re going the other way – you have to run over and help him lift. Of course nobody is mechuyav to risk a hernia, but suppose that’s no problem, so it’s a mitzvah to help. You have to assist him in loading his donkey (Devarim 22:4).
Weighing Mitzvos
Now, the Gemara (Bava Metzia 32b) gives us a scenario, a case where these two mitzvos bump into each other and one of them has to yield. Suppose you’re walking down 13th Avenue in Boro Park – 13th Avenue is my words, my embellishment of the Gemara – and you see a neighbor who’s attempting to put a load on his donkey. But it’s a heavy thing, a washing machine let’s say, and he’s having trouble. So it’s a mitzvah min hatorah to help him load.
Only that as you’re hurrying towards him to help him load up his donkey, down the road you see there’s another man who’s trying to unload his donkey; a different neighbor and he also has a heavy load. He has his own washing machine and he’s trying to unload it but he just can’t do it on his own.
So you have a problem now; whom should you help first? Which mitzvah is bigger, loading or unloading?
Helping The Donkey
And the psak of the Gemara is that it’s more of a mitzvah to unload than to load. Why? Because when you help the one who’s loading, so you’re helping him alone. He wants your help, yes, but his donkey is quite satisfied if you don’t help. But when it comes to unloading however, you’re helping not only the one unloading, but you’re helping his donkey too. The donkey is not happy struggling under that heavy load – and so you’re making the donkey happy too when you unload. And therefore if there’s a question which of the two mitzvos you should do if you could only do one, so you do the mitzvah of prikah, of taking off the load, rather than the mitzvah of te’inah, putting on the load.
But now the Gemara goes on; the same story but now with a twist. Suppose the man who is trying to load his donkey, the one whom you’re not helping first, happens to be unfriendly towards you. He’s your sonei. He blocks your driveway. He steps on your lawn. And so you don’t like him too much. You’re a human being after all; he’s on your nerves. And on the other hand, the man who’s trying to unload his donkey, the one whom you’re supposed to help first, he’s a friend.
Now if it was up to us we would think; what's even the question? Help your friend unload! After all, we established already that unloading goes first because you’re accomplishing two things; you’re helping your fellow Jew and you’re helping the donkey too. And so if this fellow Jew happens to be your friend too, even better.
Enemies First
That’s what we would say but it’s not what the Torah says. The Gemara says, it’s a mitzvah to help your sonei load the donkey. That’s why the possuk goes out of its way to say, “If you see a donkey of your enemy on the road under a heavy load, you have to help take off the load.” Why mention ‘your enemy’? So we see right away that the Torah is saying, if he’s your friend, then no question you have to go help a friend unload his donkey. But an enemy, that’s even more important.
Now, the question is why this anomaly? What happened to the rule that unloading goes first, that we’re concerned about the donkey’s pain? And the Gemara tells us an important idea; this is the idea we’re going to talk about tonight. It’s true that concern for the animal is important but there’s something more important: “To force your evil inclination is a bigger achievement” (Bava Metzia 32b). To break the wickedness in the heart, to go against your inclination, that’s a bigger achievement than to take the load off the poor suffering beast.
So even though your enemy’s donkey will suffer under the load of the big washing machine that you’re going to put on its back, and meanwhile your friend’s poor donkey over there is waiting to be unloaded, forget about your friend and go instead to help your enemy load the donkey. It’s a mitzvah for you to help your enemy load because you’re doing a much more important unloading – you’re unloading yourself of your hostility that you feel towards your enemy. By going and helping your enemy you’re bending your will; you’re making a change in your character and that’s more important.
Who’s An Enemy?
Now, one thing we have to make clear. It doesn’t mean an enemy who’s an enemy of the Torah. No; an enemy of the Torah is an enemy of Hashem and him you shouldn’t bother with.
An enemy means someone who gets on your nerves. Maybe he sins too but he’s a frum Jew. An enemy means he’s your competitor. He has a grocery store like you have a grocery store; he’s a frum Jew but he opened a grocery store on the same street where you had your store for years. And you see now that his truck breaks down so you’re thinking, “Why should I help him? He uses his truck to deliver goods to his customers. I want his customers.”
That’s why you should help him. Because if you help him, you know what you’re doing? You’re bending your yetzer hara, that’s better than anything else. So if it was your friend and he has a shoe store, not a grocery store like you, and you run to help him, very good. Very good! It’s a big mitzvah too. But if it’s your competitor, that’s adif; that’s the real success because you’re changing yourself!
Wasting Your Time
So imagine now that you heard this talk tonight and you’re interested in this idea of lakuf es yitzro: “If I can force myself to be especially nice to people maybe I’ll actually fulfill this ideal of tikkun hamiddos that Rav Miller was talking about.” So you walk out on Kings Highway, let’s say, and you see a rosh yeshiva taking a little walk after the seder. So you think, “Here’s my chance,” and you come over to him and you want to say some kind words. It’s not your nature to say kind words to people, but you want to force yourself to be nice to him.
What does he do? He says kind words to you. You try to encourage him, but right away he’s encouraging you. It’s a no-go. It’s a waste of time with him. It’s a mitzvah, of course, to be nice to tzaddikim, but you’re not accomplishing anything. You’re not changing yourself. You’ll get sechar for encouraging tzaddikim, absolutely, but you’re not changing yourself.
So suppose now you’re walking on the street after that encounter and you feel frustrated – “Ach! It was a bust with the rosh yeshiva” – but all of a sudden there comes somebody who is a follower of a different chassidishe rebbe than yours. And he’s not friendly towards you at all; he always ignores you as you pass by. And you’re not so interested in him; he’s too much of a grouch for your taste.
Striking Gold
Ah! Now you struck a gusher! You met a mean fellow! So you walk over and you say shalom aleichem to him. You’re not interested? You’d rather ignore him? That’s exactly why you should bend your will and do it. Say good morning. Smile at him. Whatever you can do, you do. That’s the success of life! A difficult person, that’s your opportunity!
You know there are people like that; we call them in Yiddish shvere passenjirin, difficult passengers. The old-time wagon driver, the ba'al agalah who used to take passengers on his wagon for a trip from one town to another, so some of his passengers always complained, they always made impractical demands on him. So he had a list of the difficult passengers, the shvere passenjirin, the ones to be especially prepared for. And those are the ones we have to be prepared for because it’s the shvere passenjirin, those are the ones who will make you successful in the program of tikkun atzmo.
