If We Don’t Carry Extra Baggage, We Can Better Serve Hashem
Worry Eats Us Alive
Rabbeinu Yonah (Avos Ch. 2) says these incredible words: The experts in health told us that stress, worry, and heartsickness are the demise of the heart.
This means that when a person is sad and heartsick, it is an illness. If a person lives with worry, it eats his heart bit by bit. Worry causes the heart to die a slow death.
Often, it happens that we can’t even talk to a person who is worried. What is the depth behind this? It is because in order to converse with a person, one gives away part of his heart—but if his heart is sick with worry, he doesn’t have anything to give away....
Tzaddikim Are Able to Give Away Their Whole Heart
For this reason, we see that tzaddikim and ehrliche Yidden are able to lend an ear to a fellow Yid... truly feeling his pain. When a Yid relates his challenges and pain, they are able to hold his hand and cry along with his pain. How are the tzaddikim and ehrliche Yidden enabled to accomplish this? Their hearts are completely attuned to avodas Hashem and to their fellow Yid. Their hearts are pure and open.
For a tzaddik, it is impossible to hear the pain of ten Yidden and then find that it’s too much for him... he can’t listen to any more sorrow. He is never so preoccupied with a difficult sugya that he doesn’t have the capacity to listen to the tzaros of his fellow Yid... because the tzaddik’s heart is always open for avodas Hashem.
If a moment calls for taking out our heart for a fellow Yid, then this is what we must do! If the moment calls for Torah and avodah, controlling our emotions and putting aside all the pain and suffering that we have just heard, then this is what we must do!
Bitachon Gives the Heart a Healthy Balance
This avodah takes incredible emotional fortitude. Ordinary people often become disoriented and off balance by even the slightest challenge... they can’t even hear what you’re trying to say.
Emunah and bitachon calm a person and cause his worry to subside. This gives a person a healthy heart with which to properly serve the Ribbono shel Olam.
When Worried, Distract Yourself
The pasuk in Mishlei tells us, ישחנה, איש בלב דאגה When there is worry in a man’s heart he should suppress it. According to one opinion of Chazal (Yoma 75a), this means to distract one’s mind from his worry. Simply don’t think about it.
One may ask, “I have so many worries... I am dealing with so many problems... I am in debt... how can I distract myself from these issues?!”
Says the Divrei Yisrael of Modzitz (Parashas Vayikra): David HaMelech tells us in Tehillim, נפשי, עלי כגמול אמו עלי כגמול נפשי ודוממתי שויתי לא אם I swear that I stilled and silenced my soul like a suckling child at his mother’s side, like the suckling child is my soul. A young child is completely reliant upon his mother for everything that he needs, and this is the way we need to look at the Ribbono shel Olam. יהבך, ה› על השלך cast upon Hashem your burden. Do you think that you’re helping the situation when you carry around your worries? It doesn’t help at all! If your worries come to mind, take out a Tehillim and daven!
Throwing Our Worries onto Hashem
The problem for most people is that while they’re indeed mouthing the words of Tehillim, their hearts are completely sunken with worry and melancholy. One may be saying words of trust in Hashem, but his mind is focused on his problems, and when he isn’t focused on his problems, he thinks about possible solutions to his problems, rather than simply trusting the Ribbono shel Olam.
The advice of Shlomo HaMelech, ישחנה, איש בלב דאגה means to let go of the entire problem and throw it all on the Ribbono shel Olam. This is the only way you will be able to heal and regain your heart. Without this, you will not be able to serve Hashem—not with Torah, not with tefillah, not with middos tovos, and not in any other aspect. Because if one’s heart is too preoccupied with his problems; he can’t use it for the right things.
Hishtadlus with Calmness
Tzaddikim did everything they could to alleviate the plight of their fellow Yidden, going to great lengths to lighten their load. But after they did their hishtadlus, they said, “The Ribbono shel Olam will surely insert His blessing into my efforts; I don’t need to carry around the pain and the worry.” They were ba’alei bitachon who gave everything over to the Ribbono shel Olam.
Sometimes, there is an askan who truly helps his fellow Yidden, but he feels that he needs to accompany every case from beginning to end. “Ahh... you went to another askan... let him help you.... I can only take on cases that I resolve myself.”
Tzaddikim were askanim of a different sort. One can be an askan and be an ehrliche Yid by working on one’s bitachon until one becomes a healthy person. He can listen to Yiddishe tzaros, he can do hishtadlus for the person... but he doesn’t carry the worry and allow it to interrupt his life. Tzaddikim leave it all to Hashem.
Teaches the Chovos HaLevavos in the introduction to Sha’ar HaBitachon: the main reason that one needs a healthy nefesh is to serve Hashem with a complete heart.
Turning to the Healers of the Souls
The Importance of Tending to the Health of Our Nefesh
The Rambam, at the beginning of Hilchos Dei’os, discusses the importance of tending to the health of the nefesh. “Those who are aware of their ailments of the nefesh and do not make their way to Chachamim in order to heal them; about them Shlomo HaMelech says, Foolish ones scorn wisdom and discipline (Mishlei 1:7).
The problem is that often we don’t realize our own illnesses of the nefesh. We have become accustomed to think that only people who have been diagnosed with a mental or emotional illness are considered cholei nefesh.... But the truth is that illness of the nefesh is far more prevalent.
We All Suffer from It
The Rambam teaches us that very few people can say that they don’t suffer from illness of the nefesh. If someone is successful in gashmiyus, this doesn’t mean that he is healthy in his nefesh. The true definition of a person who is healthy in his nefesh is when a Yid elevates himself, getting closer to the mission for which he has descended to This World.
So long as we still suffer from the pursuit of kinah, ta’avah, and kavod, we still have much work cut out for us so that we will attain a healthy nefesh, extricating ourselves from that quest. Perhaps it will be more palatable for people to accept if we will give it a nicer name... not cholei nefesh...but the bottom line is that we must do something about it.
We must know that we have this problem, and that the remedy is to strengthen our bitachon.
The Heart Fools Us
There is another concept related to bitachon and the wellness of our nefesh that we must remember well: The Navi tells us, ואנוש מכל הלב עקב ידענו, מי הוא the heart is the most deceitful of all, and it is fragile—who can know it? (Yirmiyahu 17:9). The most complicated organ is the heart. It is convoluted and fools itself often.
The Radak explains that this pasuk is a continuation of the earlier verses which criticize those who rely upon themselves; the Navi urges us to have bitachon in HaKadosh Baruch Hu instead:
Thus said Hashem: Accursed is the man who trusts in people and makes flesh his strength, and turns his heart away from Hashem. He will be like a lone tree in the desert and will not see when goodness comes; it dwells in parched lands in the wilderness, in a salty, uninhabited land. Blessed is the man who trusts in Hashem, then Hashem will be his security. He will be like a tree planted near water, which spreads out its roots along a brook and does not see when heat comes, whose foliage is ever fresh; it will not worry in a year of drought and will not stop producing fruit.
Now comes the Navi and says, “the heart is the most deceitful of all.” I have just told you that the ba’al bitachon is strong and assured, and nothing can affect him—but don’t think that bitachon comes easily... that you’re already at that level. The heart can deceive us. It is difficult to gauge our own state of bitachon.
Mistaking Laziness for Bitachon
The Radak teaches (ibid), “Sometimes a person may put on a front, with his mouth and his actions, that he is a ba’al bitachon, but his heart is no good... and no one knows this but Hashem.”
Often, a person fools himself. He thinks that he has attained bitachon—but, in truth, he is just lazy and complacent, unwilling to do what he must do. Therefore, if you don’t see that the berachah has arrived and the assurances of the pasuk have yet to materialize, remember that the heart is most deceitful of all... it can fool us into thinking that we have already attained bitachon.
The heart may tell us that we are healed.... But bitachon is hard work, and we don’t always understand that we haven’t attained the right level yet.
The Solution: Going to the Chachamim and Healers of the Soul
Because it is so complex, and because the heart is deceitful, the Rambam advises us to seek out the Chachamim and healers of the soul, who will heal us and guide us on the proper path. Why did the Rambam say to seek out these people? Is it not sufficient to learn Torah on our own?!
A person can say, “I will learn Chovos HaLevavos. Why do I need to go to a chacham?”
The answer is that the Rambam knew us well. The Rambam himself was a physician, a healer of both the body and soul (when we learn Hilchos Dei’os, we see clearly how well he understood the nefesh of the person), and the Rambam knew that the heart deceives us. Therefore, the only way to the proper path is to seek guidance from the healers of the soul.
True Bitachon Transforms a Person Entirely
The upright healers of souls will guide a person on the intricacies of his bitachon; they will point out when he is using bitachon as a crutch for his laziness... when he is simply using the word bitachon to cover his not wanting to do what he should do, and saying so makes him feel better. But this is wrong. For, if he would have true bitachon, he would merit the שרשיו, ישלח יובל על to be sustained like a tree that spreads its roots along a brook... that things will work out for him. If his nefesh is still not calm, it means that he hasn’t yet entered the Gan Eden of bitachon. He may sniff the scent of its beauty, but he hasn’t yet attained it.
If a person hasn’t yet worked out his interpersonal matters and his shalom bayis matters... it means that he has much work yet to do in the area of bitachon. And therefore, the Rambam tells us, he must seek out a Chacham who will guide him. He can’t say that he will learn on his own and manage on his own. One must seek out an expert who is a yorei Shamayim who will help him in healing his nefesh. One can always ask ehrliche Yidden who are in the know where he can find an upstanding, Torah’dige healer of the nefesh.
The Definition of Menuchas HaNefesh
The Chovos HaLevavos teaches us that Torah and avodah cannot thrive in a place where there is no menuchas hanefesh. What does menuchas hanefesh mean?
When a person’s leg is healthy, he doesn’t feel that he has a leg. Everything is fine. But when his leg ails him, R”l—he bumped it or bruised it—then he feels that he has this body part.
So, too, it is with the nefesh. When a person has a healthy nefesh, he will generally feel it only when he wants to—for example, when he wants to become emotive during a Shabbos or a Yom Tov or a fervent, emotional davening; or when he recites Modim with warmth, giving thanks to Hashem for all that he has; or when he hears an inspiring peshat in Torah—then he calls upon his nefesh to move him. At other times, he doesn’t constantly feel his nefesh. This is the definition of menuchas hanefesh; the nefesh is at rest. He is calm and serene. The nefesh is aroused only when he learns or davens—then he becomes emotional—otherwise, the nefesh is calm.
Banishing Worry Lengthens Life
One who feels his nefesh every time he talks on the telephone—and not only does he feel it, but all his neighbors also know of his nefesh and everything that it is burdened with—then something is wrong, and he must heal his nefesh.
The Kotzker Rebbe said an incredible vort on the words והאמונה האדרת עולמים: לחי If a person is adir, strong, in his emunah, then עולמים, לחי he will live a long life. And if on the contrary, the person feels his nefesh on a constant basis, because he lacks the serenity that comes with emunah and bitachon in Hashem, it takes a toll on his health. His worries literally shorten his days, R”l; it is simply unhealthy, and a person can’t live this way.
Illuminating Every Corner of the Nefesh
Even if a person enjoys learning Torah, and even if one who has a feel for bitachon, this doesn’t mean that all aspects of his nefesh are now in order simply because he studied a bit of bitachon. We must remember that מכל, הלב עקוב the heart is the most deceitful of all, and there will always be corners of his nefesh that a person will prefer to avoid... he doesn’t want to think about them... but we must heal them.
This is how the Ribbono shel Olam created the world: The heart is very big, and it contains many deep and obscure places.
The Heart Is Big Enough for Us Not to Fall into the Hole
I once spoke with a Yid who lost a child in a sudden manner R”l. He was in incredible pain, and he refused to be consoled. We must never judge anyone, and no one should ever be tested with such a nisayon.
The reason he refused to be consoled, he said, is because he heard from other parents who have lost children that no matter how much time passes, a painful void always remains in the heart... it never leaves.
In his pain, he said, “Please don’t tell me about chizuk and emunah and bitachon. Don’t tell me stories. I spoke with parents fifteen years after losing a child, and they still have a hole in their hearts!”
I answered this Yid, “You’re right, but the Ribbono shel Olam never told anyone to hang around near the place of that hole. It’s true that there will always be an area of the heart that will have a painful hole. But the heart is big enough. A person can hang around in other places, not falling into the hole—and then he can live a life of joy, emunah, and bitachon.”
There is no contradiction to what you’ve heard, stating that a void will always remain in the heart. Both are true.
The Humility in Recognizing: I Still Need Help
We bring up this painful issue to illustrate that the heart is a very big place, and therefore, even when a person feels that there are areas of his heart that are already at peace, there may be parts of the heart where he doesn’t like to go...places that have not yet been ironed out. But he will need to go there someday; for example, when it will come to making shidduchim for his children... and then, he will chas v’shalom fall into the hole, because he hasn’t fortified himself with the proper bitachon in that area of his nefesh. Therefore, a person must seek out the healers of the souls so he can become entirely healed in his nefesh.
It calls for much humility to recognize and agree that one still needs help. He may still feel that he already has some emunah and bitachon—but because he has already tasted the light of bitachon, he will agree to go to the Chacham, who will guide him in illuminating the other aspects of his nefesh that are not yet straightened out.
It’s Painful but It’s Worthwhile
It’s true that when one digs down into the deepest places of his nefesh, it can cause short-term pain and yissurim. But this pain will later bring one to such menuchas hanefesh.
This is likened to a glass of water that is mixed with dirt. After a while, the dirt settles, and the water above seems to be clear and clean. If the person doesn’t deal with the dirt, it will remain there forever. Every time he wants to drink, he will need to fill it to the brim so as not to drink the sand. If he is wise, he will make the effort to clean out the glass once and for all, and henceforth he will have both a clean glass and clean water.
The same is true of the nefesh. If we don’t make the effort to clean out the hidden grime, we will remain with these problems for all our lives. A person shouldn’t escape the pain that comes up in the process of cleaning and illuminating his nefesh—because it is the ratzon Hashem that we should work it out, and if it is the ratzon Hashem, we must not avoid it.
Running Away Is Not an Option
The Rashbam (Parashas Vayishlach) says that because he was running away, Yaakov Avinu was punished by being injured by the Sar of Eisav. He was avoiding the confrontation instead of taking it on. As he was on the madreigah of Yaakov Avinu, he was held accountable for this avoidance. HaKadosh Baruch Hu wanted him to remain there so he would see that Hashem’s assurance would be fulfilled. Don’t run anywhere. Stay right there. Let Eisav come to you, and you will see that what I have promised you will come to fruition. Everything will work out as I decreed.
The same happened to Moshe Rabbeinu, says the Rashbam, when he sought to avoid going to Pharaoh from Midyan. For this, he was punished in that the Kehunah was given to his brother. Yonah HaNavi was similarly punished when he avoided going to Nineveh.
Every Yid receives an assurance from Hashem that when he seeks to heal his nefesh according to the ways of Torah, no harm will come to him! To the contrary, he will merit menuchas hanefesh and peace of mind. By going to the rofei nefashos, the healers of souls, he will be able to remove the grime and smut that lie buried in the deepest recesses of his heart.
Without a Heart, We Cannot Know Hashem
Ibn Ezra in Parashas Ki Sisa (Shemos 31:18) says: One cannot know Hashem if he doesn’t know his body, his nefesh, and his neshamah, for if one who doesn’t know the identity of his soul, what is the point of his wisdom?
If a Yid is afraid of uncovering the hidden aspects of his nefesh, he will not be able to properly absorb the wisdom of Torah. One word of Torah that penetrates to the depths of the heart is worth so much more, because it brings G-dliness to the deepest places that it has never penetrated before.
The Rules of Healing Apply Just as Much to the Soul
Healing Is Not a Choice
In Shulchan Aruch Hilchos Bikur Cholim (Yoreh De’ah Ch. 336), it is ruled, “The Torah gave permission for the physician to heal, and it is a mitzvah. It is a matter of life and death, and if one withholds healing, it is akin to spilling blood.”
In his commentary, the Taz asks that there is seemingly a contradiction here. At first it is implied that healing is a reshus, an optional endeavor. But later, it says clearly that not healing oneself is akin to spilling blood!
Once It Has Been Permitted, Healing Is Obligatory
Answers the Taz: In truth, healing comes directly from Hashem. When a Yid davens, he can bring down all the healing that he needs, as it says in the pasuk, ארפא, ואני מחצתי I struck down and I will heal (Devarim 32:39). However, not everyone merits this, and therefore it is necessary to create healing according to the rules of This World. The Ribbono shel Olam ordained that humans should have the ability to heal.
This is the meaning of “the Torah gave permission for the physician to heal.” There are messengers whose work it is to deliver the Heavenly healing. Now that Hashem has ordained it this way, it is an obligation for a person to heal himself.
On Our Level, We Are Obligated to Invest in Healing Ourselves
The Taz is teaching us a yesod. True, if a person is on a high level of bitachon, he wouldn’t need any medical intervention; he would go straight to the Ribbono shel Olam Who would help him. However, since most of us are not on this level of bitachon, we must invest in healing ourselves physically and emotionally—and this is the way that the Torah wants us to be helped. This is what is meant by “permission was granted to a physician to heal.”
This very principle applies to the nefesh just as it applies to the guf. This is what the Rambam (above) taught us. When a person has an illness of the nefesh, he must seek out a Chacham who will guide him. But, one will say, why do I need to seek out an expert? Hashem can...
