In this week’s parshah, we are enjoined to give tzedakah to the poor: “Nason titein lo ve’al yeira levovcha besitcha lo — You shall surely give him and your heart should not feel bad when giving him.”
The Machzeh Avrohom teaches an important lesson from the double-command, “Nason titein.” We are obligated to tithe our income and to give that portion to tzedakah, and the actual setting aside of the maaser or tzedakah money is actually a mitzvah in itself. The Machzeh Avrohom adds that when we first set aside the money we’re planning to give, it’s much easier to hand it over when requested. Conversely, if someone asks us for money and we haven’t set anything aside and have to decide how much money to give, it’s that much harder to hand it over. One of the reasons for the double command is to remind us to set the money aside and then to actually give it over. If we do things that way, our hearts won’t feel bad when we give the money. Moreover, Hashem will repay us for both actions.
In fact, this is a valuable lesson for anything we need to give, not just money. If someone wants your time, attention, or good words, it’s that much easier to comply if you’ve decided in advance when and how you’re going to give. That way, you won’t feel that others are intruding on your time or space.
Furthermore, if you let the other person know in advance that you’re planning to give, they’ll feel reassured and won’t keep pestering you. If you tell a poor man that you’ve already set aside money for him and that he’ll receive it at a certain time, he’ll feel calmer. The same applies to providing time and attention. People beg for it because they don’t know if they’ll get it. Then they think they’re only getting it because they nudged. But if you let them know it’s coming, they don’t need to beg. “Today, at five o’clock, I have a half hour to spend with you, and I’m really looking forward to it.”
As an added benefit, if you schedule it in advance without waiting to be asked, a half hour might just be enough. When the person has to keep begging for your time, everyone ends up feeling resentful and even after half an hour they don’t feel like they got anything from you.
This applies of course to “quality time” but it’s just as applicable to any mundane request.
