In Parshas Ki Seitzei we learn about the yefas to’ar, then we learn “If a man has two wives – one he loves and one he hates...” he is not allowed to switch the first-born status (for inheritance purposes) from his true first born, the son of the “hated wife” to the younger brother, the first-born son of the “beloved wife.” The true first born is the one who must receive the “double portion” of inheritance.
Following this, the third set of laws we learn in Parshas Ki Seitzei is that of the ben sorer u’moreh [the wayward and rebellious son]. Already at a very young age (right after bar mitzvah), he begins acting in a way that will lead to a life of corruption and aggression. The Torah decrees that it is preferable to put him to death “when he is still innocent” (of the future crimes he is destined to commit) rather than execute him later when he will already be deserving of the death penalty.
Rashi says the sequence of these three sets of laws – the beautiful captive woman, the beloved and hated wives, and the wayward and rebellious son – teach a homiletic lesson: If someone marries the yefas to’ar because he became infatuated with her, he will eventually have two wives (his original wife and the one he found in the battlefield). Eventually, he will come to hate the second wife. Furthermore, once he has such a wife (that he should not have taken in the first place) he will have a child from her and the child will be a troublemaker. He will become a ben sorer u’moreh.
The Shem Mi’Shmuel makes a very interesting observation. Why does the Torah put the halachah that the first born gets a double portion here? Even if the Torah wants to tell us that one who marries a yefas to’ar will eventually hate her, why should the Torah insert the unrelated rule that a bechor gets pi-shnayim [a double portion of inheritance] here? There is an entire section in the Torah at the end of Sefer Bamidbar describing all the laws of inheritance. The law that a first born gets a double portion should be placed there. It seems incongruous to mention it here between the laws of yefas to’ar and that of ben sorer u’moreh. It does not relate to the flow of the narrative.
The Shem Mi’Shmuel writes that the Torah is trying to tell us a very important lesson – beginnings are very very important. Beginnings set the tone. He asks – why is it that the first-born gets double? Being a first born, after all, is merely an accident of birth. What did he do?
Why should he get double the portion of his father’s estate over and above the rest of his brothers? The Shem Mi’Shmuel answers that it is because the bechor casts an influence over the entire family. The children that come after the first-born are influenced by him. Therefore, the bechor gets double because he set the tone for the entire family.
For example, R’ Frand relates that R’ Ruderman married a woman named Feiga Kramer. Her father, Rav Sheftel Kramer, had five daughters. One of them was Rebbetzen Ruderman, one was Rebbetzen Neuberger, one was Rebbetzen Heiman, one was Rebbetzen Skaist, and one was Mrs. Lewin. There were five daughters, no sons. But the bechora, the first-born was Rebbetzen Ruderman. Family legend has it that her father told her – you need to marry a talmid chochom, because the type of person you marry will set the standard for your other sisters as well. Admittedly she married a very big talmid chochom and all the other sisters – perhaps they did not marry talmiday chachomim of R’ Ruderman’s calibre, but they were all very distinguished individuals, all talmiday chachomim.
How did that happen? The oldest sister set the standard. She set the bar, which the other sisters measured against. She did it because she was the first born. Firstborns have this effect. Thus, the Shem Mi’Shmuel points out that the Torah is trying to tell us over here that the bechor gets pi shnayim because beginnings have an effect on all that comes later.
The Gemara in Sanhedrin says that the entire period of time when it is possible for a boy to become a ben sorer u’moreh is only three months. (That – among other reasons — is why it is so hard to meet the conditions under which such a punishment could ever be carried out.) The whole chapter addresses a 13-year-old child for only the first 3 months after his bar mitzvah. Yet, the Torah is already concerned that the child is acting out, he is stealing, he shows gluttonous behavior, etc. Why is this so serious? It is because when a child is that age – bar mitzvah – how he acts in that beginning stage of his life as a mature adult sets the pattern and has a tremendous influence on what the rest of his life will be like as well. That is why it is very important that the tone be set in this “bar mitzvah year.” Like any structure, the foundation is critical. Any building is only as strong as its yesod [foundation]. The first months after bar mitzvah are critically important.
And – m’inyan l’inyan b’oso inyan – the first year of marriage is very important as well because how a family begins, how it starts out and where it starts out and how it is built can have an effect for years and years to come. That is why the Torah provides a draft deferment to a newlywed and sends him home to his wife, free of communal duties, during the first year of his marriage – to gladden the heart of his wife. The first year is the foundation of the marriage.
The seforim say “All beginnings are difficult” (kol hascholos kashos). Simply, this means that it is hard to start a new project. But on a deeper level, it means beginnings are “kashos” because it is essential that they be executed correctly. You need to do it right at the beginning of any endeavor. How things are done initially sets the tone for all that follows.
That is why Rosh Hashanah and Aseres Yemei Teshuvah are such critical periods. It is the beginning. Beginnings have a lasting effect on that which comes after them. For this reason, the Torah writes the parsha of bechor and right after that the parsha of ben sorer u’moreh. The Torah is telegraphing to us the importance of the beginnings at every stage of life. (R’ Frand)
