I recently saw an anecdote involving Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein. Rav Zilberstein walked into the home of a newly married couple and noticed a beautiful gold armchair, almost like a throne, at the head of the dining room table. Rav Zilberstein said to the newly married young man “What are you doing with such a chair in your house?” The young man responded, “Before my wedding, when I was learning about the mitzvah of shalom bayis [family harmony], I was taught the Rambam that a wife should look at her husband like an officer or a king. (Hilchos Ishus 15:20) If my wife is supposed to look at me like a king, I figured I should have all the paraphernalia of a king!”
Of course, Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein was extremely put off by this attitude and he said, “It is clear to me that you never heard the insight of Rav Chaim Soloveitchik on Parshas Balak.”
The parsha begins: “Balak son of Zippor saw all that Yisrael had done to the Emori. Moav was very frightened of the people, because it was formidable; and Moav was disgusted in the face of the Children of Yisrael. Moav said to the elders of Midyan, ‘Now the congregation will chew up our entire surroundings as an ox chews up the greenery of the field.'” And then the narration continues: “and Balak son of Zippor was king of Moav at that time.” (Bamidbar 22:2-4)
This seems a very odd way of writing the narration. The natural way to write this would be to begin, “Balak son of Zippor, King of Moav, saw...” If the Torah is introducing Balak at the beginning of the parsha, it should tell us right then who he is! Why does the Torah wait three pasukim to tell us that he happened to be the king?
Rav Chaim explained. The primary goal of a king is to take care of his people, to protect his subjects and to worry about them. The Torah introduces us to Balak and tells us that Balak was rightfully fearful of what was going to be with the people of Moav. He lost sleep over it. He sought the counsel of Midyan and he came up with a plan to protect his people. He demonstrated the primary responsibility of a king – concern for his subjects. It is only after he demonstrated having concern for his subjects that the Torah confers upon him the title: “Balak son of Zippor was king of Moav at that time”.
Rav Zilberstein then said to the young chosson, “Young man, if you want to be the king in your household, you have plenty of time to get your throne. The first thing you need to do is act like a king. Your domain is your home and your “subjects” are your wife and your family. After you demonstrate your worry, concern, and loss of sleep for their needs and problems, then you can claim the title “King”. This is what the Rambam meant – a husband should EARN the role of being a king in his house, not artificially set up the TRAPPINGS of royalty without demonstrating the CHARACTERISTICS of royalty. (R’ Frand)
