In Parshas Chayei Sorah we learn all about Eliezer’s search to find a wife for Yitzchak. In his search for a wife for Yitzchak Avinu, he focuses on finding a girl that excels in the trait of kindness. On a simple level, this teaches us the importance of such a trait in a spouse, yet the commentaries suggest that Eliezer understood that the wife of Yitzchak in particular had to stand out in the trait of kindness.
The Chasam Sofer explains this based on the idea that a wife is an ‘eizer kenegdo’ for her husband. He writes that some commentaries explain that a wife can help her husband by being different to him in character, and that it is not ideal if they are too similar. For example, if both of them are vatranim then they would not balance each other out. He then cites the examples of Avraham and Sarah and Yitzchak and Rivka: Avraham excelled in the trait of chessed whereas Sarah was characterized by the trait of din. Yitzchak also excelled in din, whereas Rivka shone in the trait of chessed. This is why Eliezer davke [specifically] looked for the trait of chessed in a wife of Yitzchak, in order to complement and at times, temper, his trait of din.
In what way do we see from the Torah that these wives complement their spouses? One glaring example with regard to Sarah is when there was a risk that Yishmael would negatively influence Yitzchak. Sarah told Avraham to throw Yishmael out of their home, but Avraham was very reluctant to do so. Hashem then told Avraham that Sarah was correct and that Avraham should listen to her. In this episode, Avraham’s trait of chessed was tempered by Sarah’s din.
It is more difficult to find an application of the ‘eizer kenegdo’ aspect of the relationship between Yitzchak and Rivka, largely because there are very few instances of their communication in the Torah. Nevertheless, the Tiferes Shlomah does find an example. As a introduction to understanding his point, the middah of din implies boundaries and a fear of sin that causes a person to avoid unnecessary nisyonos. In contrast, the middah of chessed implies overflowing, and the desire to use everything for the good.
Rav Dessler zt”l writes that Yitzchak’s middah of din meant that he had a natural internal focus and fear of sin, and this caused him to refrain for a long time from coming out into the world to teach the world about Hashem. It also meant that he feared that material wealth would pose a great test to a person and therefore should be avoided. Based on this idea, the Tiferes Shlomah explains why Yitzchak did not initially want to bestow the berachos on Yaakov Avinu. Those blessings are primarily materialistic, and Yitzchak feared that such involvement in the physical world would adversely affect Yaakov spiritually. Therefore, he wanted to protect Yaakov from such a nisayon by not blessing him with physical abundance.
However, Rivka who had the middah of chessed, recognized that physical bounty could be used to enhance one’s avodas Hashem in various ways. Consequently, she recognized that Yaakov
