Appreciating Yourself Even at Your Lowest Situation, Is A Big Segula for All Kinds of Goodness
Purim is definitely a great time to do Teshuva, and to daven for a Teshuva Shleima. It was the Yidden’s Teshuva for: ש נ הֱ נוַַּ מִּ סְּ עוּדָ תוַֹ ש לַ אוֹתוַֹ רָ שָ עַ מגילהַ יבַ א participating in Achashverosh’s party that caused the Ness of Purim. So it’s an: תַַעַֽׁ רַָצוֹן favorable time for Teshuva. You may have some serious sins, and Teshuva is long overdue, Rachmana Litzlan. However, I advise to first spend time thanking for the present Matzav, despite its Tum’ah, and all kinds of Gashmiyus failures, like Parnasa, relationships, and even for lack of Torah and Chesed, etc. **
Even in your lowest state, there may be lots of Kedusha and Zechusim. Like the Chovos Halvavos says that sometimes doing Aveiros is a Ma'ala over being a Tzaddik, since it makes you a: רב ַשְַּבַנִַּלַֽׁ broken heart. If you spend lots of time appreciating yourself even at your lowest situation, it is a big Segula for all kinds of goodness. ***
Imagine! The Ganav who stole a sheep and shechted it (or sold it) pays back only 4 sheep (instead of 5, like someone who stole an ox) since he had the pain of embarrassment carrying a sheep on his shoulder! (Gemara). And this is a pain that he himself caused, when he was engaged in a low-life sin! How much Chashivus a Yid must give to all kinds of pain in his life, and how it will save him from all kinds of evil. ****
Certainly, you must keep trying to do Teshuva. And your difficulties and frustrations in trying to do Teshuva can be your biggest Zechusim.
GOOD NEWS
All those Yidden who were Moser Nefesh for Mishloach Manos, and were caught in traffic with all kinds of nerve-wracking pressures, are Zoche to Gevaldige Zechusim and Yeshuos, millions of times more than if it went easy, since we Jews believe in Chazal who say: טוֹב פַ עַ ם אַ חַ ת ב צַ עַ ר מִּ מֽׁ א ה שֶֹּ ל ֹא ב צַ עַ ר It’s worth way more when it’s harder.
