Question: Dear Rabbi Mandel. I am looking for your guidance regarding a challenge I am facing at home. My wife frequently expresses frustration, claiming that I lack financial knowledge, and that I am not earning enough money. Despite her concerns, we are currently living very comfortably. I would appreciate your advice on how to best handle this situation and address these recurring conversations. Thank you in advance.
Answer: I have seen Yungerleit, especially Europeans from prewar Europe, where the wife could scream all day long, and they will never answer. It all goes over their head (I've seen Americans who can do this also, Gedolei Torah). I've seen a lady let her husband ‘have it’ (a famous Gadol in all the Gedolim pictures) she lets him have it! And he doesn’t care! He just laughs it off. You have to learn to do that. Laugh it off, and who cares. But don’t answer her.
Follow-up Question: Dear Rabbi Mandel, I am writing to follow up on my previous message regarding the challenges I am experiencing at home. While I appreciate your time, I was hoping to receive a more detailed or perhaps a different perspective on the situation. As I mentioned, I am looking for further guidance on how to best address my wife's concerns regarding our financial situation, especially given that we are currently living comfortably. If possible, could you please provide a more comprehensive response or additional advice on how to navigate these recurring conversations? Thank you again for your guidance and support.
Answer: How to deal with a wife like this? I don’t even know. I'm not good at this. You need to ask someone else. What I know is, keep away, don’t talk so much. The כָּל הַמַּרְבֶּה דְבָרְים, מֵבִיא חֵטְא (Pirkei Avos 1:17). The more you speak, the more likelihood for sin. The Mashgiach of Lakewood, R' Nosson Zatzal said, the more you talk with your wife, the less healthy it is. Don’t talk all day. Talking is not healthy.
Do your thing, and don’t get so involved with her. That much I know. It’s very healthy. And don’t be so ‘nice’. So you're not so ‘perfect’; who cares?
But if your wife is going to dominate things, and do things that are not Tsum Zach (appropriate), you'll run into trouble, Chas V'shalom. I give a Bracha that everything is going to straighten out.
