Dressing His Son/Asking to Speak to Hashem/Asking for Chasadim Not to be Cloaked in Din/Yehuda Taught Us Not to Despair/Thanking for the Past and Asking for the Future/Asking for Tefillos to go Straight to Hashem/Good Hashpa’os Through the Power of Tefillah/Davening for One’s Friend/Chesed Every Day/One Who Helps Others, Helps Himself/Never Embarrassing Someone/He Wouldn’t Embarrass the Shevatim/Why Yosef Wouldn’t Visit his Father/The Redeemer Almost Wasn’t Born so as Not to Cause Shame to Others/Moshe Would Not Redeem the Nation if it Hurt Someone Else/It Is Better to Delay the Geulah Than to Insult Someone/The Time of Revelation Had Arrived/One’s Sustenance is Prepared for Him/Eyes Lifted to Hashem/Salvation in its Time
Dressing His Son:
Sefer Tiferes Uziel (written by Rav Uziel Meislish zy”a, a student of the Magid of Mezheritch zy”a) writes that the word “Yehuda” indicates “hodaya”, praising and thanking Hashem. Furthermore, the word “vayomer” indicates “amira”, which can mean “levush”, clothing. Accordingly, the pasuk can be read as saying that when Klal Yisroel approach Hashem with words of praise, the Master – i.e., Hashem Yisborach - “dresses His sons in the clothes of His holiness,
גַּשׁ אֵלָיו יְהוּדָה וַיֹּאמֶר בִּי אֲדֹנִי יְדַבֶּר נָא עַבְדְּ ךָ דָבָר בְּאָזְנֵי אֲדֹנִי וגו' (44:18)
And Yehuda approached him and said, “Please, my master, let now your servant speak words into my master’s ears...” (44:18)
which allows us to draw ever closer to Him.
Asking to Speak to Hashem:
Sefer Yashrish Yaakov (written by Rav Yaakov Yehuda of Nordzin zy”a, a son-in-law of Rav Menachem Mendel of Vorka zy”a) explains the words “vayigash eilav Yehuda” to mean that every Yehudi (Jew) must approach Hashem and say “bi adoni”, please my Master... let Your servant speak words into the Master’s ear. In other words, one should pray that he be able to say things that are heard by Hashem.
One should continue: “Let my Master not become angry towards His servant.” One should pray that his actions should not cause Hashem to become angry.
“Because you are like Pharaoh.” The word “Pharaoh” indicates something that is revealed (as in Shemos 32:25). Thus, this means that one should acknowledge that everything is revealed to Hashem, and He knows that we want to serve Him properly even if we sometimes fail. Therefore, we ask Him not to look at our improper actions, but rather to see the true desire of our hearts.
Asking for Chasadim Not to be Cloaked in Din:
The Admor of Maglanetzia zy”a (Sefer Tiferes Chaim) quotes “a certain tzadik” who said as follows: Hashem always derives pleasure from Klal Yisroel because we bless Him for everything, both for the good and for the bad. We do this because we believe that everything He does is for the good, even if He treats us with His middah of strictness, as we know that even that is part of His Divine kindness.
However, we still ask Hashem to provide us with chasadim that are not cloaked in the middah of din. Rather, we ask for His kindness to look good to us. We ask that His goodness should be revealed to us, and that everyone should be able to recognize how good it is.
This is hinted to in this verse. Chazal say (Bereishis Rabbah 49:8) that the word “vayigash” indicates approaching Hashem in prayer. Thus, the pasuk can be understood to mean that we approach Hashem in prayer as “Yehuda”, which indicates thanking Him for whatever He does and blessing Him both for what appears good and what appears bad. Still, we say: “Please my Master... Let Your servant speak words into the Master’s ear and do not become angry at Your servant.” We ask Him to show us His kindness so that everyone can see, so that it does not appear in an angry way.
We continue to say: “For you are like Pharaoh.” As previously mentioned, “Pharaoh” indicates something that is revealed. Accordingly, this means that we daven to Hashem that His goodness should be revealed and clear for all to witness.
Yehuda Taught Us Not to Despair:
Sefer Likutei Yehuda relates the following explanation in the name of his grandfather, the Chidushei Harim zy”a:
The pasuk in the blessing of Yehuda states (49:9): “A roaring lion is Yehudah... He crouched, rested like a lion, and like a lion, who will rouse him?” The comparison of Yehuda to a crouching and resting lion is saying that Yehuda’s strength was so great that even when he was resting, he was able to arise with the strength of a lion. This was seen in the story of how he overcame embarrassment and admitted the truth in the story of Tamar, and this is what will be seen when Moshiach, the descendant of Yehuda, arrives.
This strength is also seen in this pasuk. It previously was stated (ibid:16) that Yehuda said that he didn’t have anything to say to the king, meaning that his heart was broken. Still and all, he strengthened himself to approach and start again.
The Imrei Emes zy”a adds that we see from the Gemara (Brachos 10A) that Hashem caused Chizkiyahu to become sick. Yeshaya Hanavi came to visit him with a message from Hashem that he would die, and he would not live in the world to come because he had chosen not to fulfill the mitzva of having children. Chizkiyahu defended himself by saying that he foresaw that he would have bad children, but Yeshaya said that the decree had already been sealed.
Chizkiyahu then said, “Son of Amotz, stop prophesizing and leave. I have a tradition from my grandfather’s house that even if a sharp sword is upon your throat, you should not desist from praying for Divine compassion.”
Rashi explains that this tradition came from his forefather, Dovid Hamelech, who said that one should never despair from receiving Hashem’s mercy. However, according to what we just stated, we can explain that the ancestor Chizkiyahu was referring to was actually Yehuda. He taught the world never to give up hope, even in difficult situation, but rather to strengthen oneself and try again.
Thanking for the Past and Asking for the Future:
The Sefas Emes zy”a quotes the Chidushei Harim zy”a as explaining the words “and Yehuda approached” by saying that the reason Jews are called Yehudim is because we bear the name of Yehuda. The reason we all bear his name is because this name symbolizes “hodaah”, praise. This alludes to the fact that Jews constantly praise Hashem for everything large and small that He does for us. Even if events seem to be bad, we still thank Hashem for them, because we know that whatever He does is really good.
Accordingly, when the pasuk says that Yehuda approached, it can be read to mean that someone who has the trait of Yehuda, meaning someone who constantly praises Hashem, will merit coming close to Him and having a special relationship with Him
Asking for Tefillos to go Straight to Hashem:
My grandfather, Rav Mordechai of Nadvorna zy”a (Sefer Maamar Mordechai) explains the words “vayigash alav Yehuda vayomar” to mean that if a Yehudi wants to approach Hashem with a tefillah, he should say it in a manner of “amirah”, which indicates “amirah rakah”, a humble request. One should approach Hashem in humility and said, “Please my Master...” grant me my request.
He then should ask to “speak in the ear of my Master”, meaning he should daven for his prayer to be heard directly by Hashem, rather than be delivered through a malach.
It is known that there are angels whose job it is to bring tefillos to the Heavens. We ask that Hashem should hear our prayers directly, without the need for these angels.
Good Hashpa’os Through the Power of Tefillah:
If one merits having his tefillos ascend straight to Hashem, he will be blessed with all the good hashpa’os in the world. This is in accordance with the explanation the Toldos Yaakov Yosef zy”a says in the name of the Baal Shem Tov Hakadosh zy”a on the verse (Tehillim 102:1): “A prayer for a poor man when he wraps himself and pours out his speech before Hashem.” He relates a parable of a king who made an announcement that on the day of his daughter’s wedding, any of his subjects may approach him with any request they have, and it will be granted. When the big day arrived, one man asked to be appointed mayor of his town, another asked for a lot of money, etc. One smart man, however, asked for only one thing. He asked to be granted permission to personally speak to the king three times every day. The king was happy to see that one of his subjects valued his company more than anything else, and he granted the request. And once the man was granted permission to visit the king every day, he also was permitted to enter the treasure house and take whatever he wants.
So too, we come to Hashem with a poor man’s prayer and pour out our speech before Him. This is our prayer to Him. We ask to be granted the ability to speak to Him at all times, knowing that once we are in His company, He will give us all our heart’s desires.
Therefore, before we pour out our hearts to Hashem, we should utter an introductory prayer: Ribono Shel Olam, I don’t want wealth or honor. I have only one thing I want to ask of You. “Please let Your servant speak into my Master’s ear.” Please allow me to speak with You.
Hashem will certainly grant this request. And once a person gains access to Him, He will give him all he desires.
Davening for One’s Friend:
Sefer Tiferes Shlomo also learns these pesukim to be hinting to tefillah. He says that the Torah is teaching us that when one davens, he should stand before Hashem with humility and with a lowly spirit. He should emulate Yehuda, who said (Bereishis 44:16): “What shall we say to my master? What shall we speak, and how shall we pardon ourselves? My master has found your servant’s sins.”
If so, how can a person approach Hashem and ask Him for his needs? Hashem knows all of our sins, so how could we dare to ask Him for favors?
The Torah gives us some advice regarding how to deal with this problem. It tells us that every Jew should daven for his friend. When anyone does this, he can approach Hashem with no shame and speak to Him. This is the nature of man. When someone wants to ask his friend for tzedakah for himself, he is embarrassed to approach him with the request. However, if someone is collecting for someone else, it is not so embarrassing and he is willing to ask. The same is true regarding tefillah. When one isn’t asking for himself, it is easier to approach Hashem.
This is hinted to in the pasuk where it says that Yehuda approached Yosef and said (ibid:32): “For your servant assumed responsibility (‘arev’) for the boy from my father, saying, ‘If I do not bring him to you, I will have sinned against my father for all of the days’.” The word “arev” hints to the fact that “kol Yisroel arevim zeh lazeh“ (Shavuos 39A). All Jews are responsible for each other. Thus, the pasuk can be understood to be saying that we all accept responsibility for each other to our Father, Hashem. We all accept to “bring home” our fellow Jews. We accept to bring them to Olam Haba for “all of the days”, meaning with complete days that can be held in their merit
Chesed Every Day:
Thus, we are accepting to provide such days for our brethren to take with them to the world to come. The Tiferes Shlomo writes that we can only do this by davening for them every day in order to ensure that each day is full and complete. This is all seen from the words of Shmuel Hanavi (1 Shmuel 12:23): “Far be it from me to sin to Hashem in ceasing to pray for you.” He adds that the same is true regarding teshuva, as is seen from the verse (44:33): “And now, return (yeishev) please your servant in place of the land.” This is a hint that one must do teshuva in the name of all of Klal Yisroel.
A chasid of the Lechovitcher Rebbe zy”a was once traveling by foot from one city to another. A wagon pulled up next to him and the driver offered him a ride. However, the chasid said that he wanted to continue on foot. The wagon driver insisted, and asked him again to get on his wagon. Finally, the chasid agreed.
When he boarded the wagon, he asked the driver why he was so insistent about giving him a ride. The man put his two hands on his ears and said, “These ears heard the Kobriner Rebbe say: ‘A day when one doesn’t do a chesed for another Yid is not a day at all!’ So far today, I hadn’t had a chance to do a chesed for anyone, so when I saw you walking, I was overjoyed for the opportunity to give you a ride.”
I saw written in the name of the Bais Yisroel of Ger zy”a that during the course of a year, whenever someone does a chesed for a fellow Jew, the ruling that was issued about him on Rosh Hashanah is revisited and this new merit is added, thus sweetening the judgment for the year.
One Who Helps Others, Helps Himself:
There is a famous expression that goes: “Vos a mentch tut fahr yenem, tut er fahr zich alein.” (When one does something from someone else, he really is doing it for himself.) This means that when someone does something to benefit his friend. He is really benefiting himself, as he will reap goodness from his act. The opposite is also true. If one does something bad to someone else, he will end up having bad things happen to him. This is as is said in the name of Rav Shloimke of Zhvil zy”a: Every step a person takes for someone else causes him not to need to take 500 steps for himself.
An amazing story recently occurred that illustrates this concept. I heard this story from the protagonist himself.
A Jewish man in Europe was in need of a kidney transplant, and a suitable donor was being sought. Before the month of Tishrei 5785, a Jewish man in America discovered that he was a match. He immediately agreed to donate his kidney, despite the fact that doing so would force him to spend the yomim tovim in the hospital.
On the scheduled day for the operation. The would-be donor contacted the recipient and told him that he had saved his life. He related that as he was being prepared for the surgery, the doctors found that the kidney he was planning on donating was cancerous. They immediately removed it and his life was saved.
This man wanted to help someone else by donating his kidney, but he was actually saving his own life.
Never Embarrassing Someone:
It is stated in Medrash Tanchuma (65): “Rav Shmuel bar Nachman said: Yosef went into a major danger. If his brothers had killed him, no one in the world would have known who he was. So why did he tell all the guards to leave the room? Because he said to himself: It is preferable to be killed and not to shame my brothers in front of the Egyptians.”
The Baalei Mussar say that we see the greatness of Yosef from this incident. Since his early childhood, he had been exceptionally close to his father. For the past 22 years, he had yearned to see him again. He also knew that his father was greatly yearning for him. Still and all, he overcame his own emotions and desire to see his father, and he put his life in danger rather than embarrassing his brothers.
He Wouldn’t Embarrass the Shevatim:
The Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh (45:26) asks why Yosef never tried to contact his father for the last 22 years. While this may not have been possible when he was a servant or when he was imprisoned, once he became a powerful minister he certainly could have sent him a letter informing him of his whereabouts. Why did he allow his father to continue to mourn him, thinking his beloved son was dead?
He answers that Yosef refrained from contacting his father because he refused to embarrass his brothers. As Chazal say (Brachos 43B): “It is better to allow oneself to be thrown into a fiery furnace than to shame one’s friend publicly.” Thus, he continued to live with his pain of being estranged from his father, as he would not shame his brothers.
Why Yosef Wouldn’t Visit his Father:
Furthermore, the Pesikta says (Zutrasi, Vayechi 48:1) that Yaakov Avinu never found out how Yosef ended up in Mitzrayim. He was never told about how the Shevatim sold him. Additionally, throughout the entire 17 years that Yaakov lived in Egypt, Yosef never went to visit him because he was afraid that he would ask him how he wound up there. He did not want to lie to his father, but he also wouldn’t speak badly about his brothers, so he chose not to visit at all. Therefore, when Yaakov’s end approached, it says that he “called for his son Yosef”, which indicates that he had to call for him since he never was in his vicinity.
Despite the great love Yosef had for his father and the close bond they shared since his childhood, he chose not to take this opportunity to see him. After 22 years of separation, he now finally had the chance to learn Torah with his father and reconnect with him, but he gave up the opportunity for this great pleasure because he was worried that this could lead to embarrassing his brothers.
The Redeemer Almost Wasn’t Born so as Not to Cause Shame to Others:
We find a similar thing in the story of Tamar. She was willing to allow herself to be thrown into a raging fire, rather than to publicly shame Yehuda.
She knew with ruach hakodesh that if she were killed, this would be a huge loss for Klal Yisroel. Chazal say (Bereishis Rabbah 85:11) that she knew that kings and redeemers were destined to descend from her. She knew that Moshiach would come from her offspring. Despite all this, she put her life in danger so as not to embarrass a fellow Jew.
Moshe Would Not Redeem the Nation if it Hurt Someone Else:
Similarly, we see that Moshe Rabenu was willing to delay the geulah of Klal Yisroel if it meant impinging on someone else’s honor. Chazal say that when Hashem told Moshe to go to Egypt to redeem the nation, he hesitated for seven years because he was worried that this would cause his older brother, Aharon, to feel anguish at not being chosen.
Moshe knew that the redemption of Klal Yisroel depended on him and that if he didn’t do this, they would remain enslaved forever. Still and all, he wouldn’t do it if it meant hurting someone else’s feelings. He only agreed to go after Hashem promised him that Aharon would be 100% happy for him.
It Is Better to Delay the Geulah Than to Insult Someone:
From all this, we see how severe the sin of shaming another person truly is. Rather than cause someone else shame, Tamar was willing to allow herself to be killed, even though she knew this would cause Moshiach not to be born and the redemption to never occur. Moshe was unwilling to save Klal Yisroel from the 49th level of impurity and take them out of Egypt if that would mean causing someone to feel shame. Thus, the Baalei Mussar say that even if one has the power to build the Bais Hamikdosh, he should not do so if it would cause shame to anyone else.
We also find that the Gemara relates (Bava Metziah 59A) that while Dovid Hamelech was immersed in the study of Nega’im and Ohalos, his adversaries tried to shame him by asking what punishment a man receives for having relations with a married woman (intending to remind him of the story of Bassheva). He responded that such a man is killed by choking, but he has a share in Olam Haba. However, if someone shames his friend in public, he has no share in Olam Haba.
I heard that someone once approached Rav Yankele of Pshevorsk zy”a and told him that, in his opinion, a certain sefer that had recently been published contained ideas improper ideas. He said that he believes that a public proclamation should be made against this sefer and its author.
The Rebbe told him that Hashem has established a natural phenomenon that if someone shames someone else, even if he is correct in doing so, he will suffer as a result. He said, “I don’t want to suffer for this...”
The man who had come with the complaint against this sefer then said, “If so, I also will stop what I’m doing. I also don’t want to suffer.”
The Rebbe told him, “Since your intentions are l’sheim shomayim, you are obligated to be moser nefesh to save Jewish people from reading inappropriate things.”
However, the man was now scared to continue his campaign, so the Rebbe said, “Nu, I guess you aren’t as l’sheim shomayim as I thought. If you were, you would be willing to suffer for your cause.”
It is stated in Sefer Chasidim (Siman 54): “We find that Aviya ben Rechavam publicly rebuked Yeravam in order to shame him, and he was punished with death. Yeravam was a wicked person who caused others to sin, which is what Aviya chastised him for doing. Aviya’s intentions were good. But since he embarrassed him in public, he was punished.”
