You don’t start any Avodas Kapara (i.e., the blood of the Korban) until you first take care of Ketores. So many people suffer throughout their lives despite their greatness in Torah and Chesed. And like Chazal say that during Bayis Sheini they were Osek in Torah and Chesed, and despite this there was a Churban because of Sin'as Chinam and lack of Sameach B'chelko (Bitachon), so we understand how the finest Bnei Torah and Y'rei Shamayim can suffer physically and mentally, and their lives can be ruined since they never had time for working on the #1 issue; i.e., Bitachon!
לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְמוֹר אבות ב טז You are not responsible to get it all done! א יזֶהוּ עָשִׁ יר הַשָמ חַ בְחֶלְקוֹ Who is truly rich? One who is content with what he has. Before the Cohen Gadol starts shechting an ox and a goat, etc. he takes care of Ketores: הַ מַ עֲ שֶׁ רֶ ת which makes him (truly) rich; i.e., first comes the Sameach B'chelko issue! If Gedolei Yisroel like the Shomer Emunim and Chofetz Chaim believed that’s it’s K'dai to lose lots of Torah and Avoda to cheer and be M'chazek a Yid, כָל שֶׁכ ן וְקַל וָחוֹמֶר surely you are obligated to be M'chazek yourself! וְ חַיֶיךָ קוֹדְמִין And you come first! If you don’t address this part of your life, by learning Shaar HaBitachon more seriously, or other Eitzos for Menuchas HaNefesh and Simcha and Bitachon, by at least trying to work on it, then all kinds of Ruchaniyus and/or Gashmiyus issues are up and coming, Chas V'shalom.
TRUE STORY
A Yungerman who is a major Masmid, Talmid Chochom, and Rosh Chabura would come home full of stress, since he had a difficult childhood. He now learns Shaar HaBitachon and other Inyanei Bitachon for over an hour daily. As he learns Mussar, he gets happier and happier, and his wife and children are overjoyed. I was asked: תוֹרָה מַה תְה א עָלֶיהָ “But what will be with all the learning he is losing out? He is wasting so much precious time by working on Simcha and learning Inyanei Bitachon! Do you know how much Torah he could have learned instead?? Such a major Ben Torah should lose so much Torah on a regular basis??”
Do I need to decide such a Shayla? Take your pick: Do you want to be a bigger Talmid Chochom and keep hurting your wife and kids (and yourself) and quite possibly end up in the hospital, with physical or mental issues, and be Nichshal in either Kin'ah, Ta'ava, Kavod, Ga’ava, שִׁ פְלוּת הַבְהַמִי lowliness like a loser, and all kinds of unhealthy complexes and depressions (or all of the above, Rachmana Litzlan) ... or not?!
It is obvious that Hashem wants this Yungerman to take care of: עִיקָר חִיוּת הָאָדָם his main purpose in life; i.e., שְׁבִירַת הַמִדוֹת Shviras HaMiddos. (Gr”a). And if a person does Ratzon Hashem, there is no doubt that he will come out ahead, even in his learning. (Gemara).
P.S. I have many more stories where Mussar saved marriages and other relationships, including stories of Yungerleit whose anxieties made them stop learning (sometimes more and sometimes less). After learning lots of Mussar for an extended period of time, they can finally learn Gemara with Tosafos full-time again.
