Our Dor is loaded with people who are constantly giving themselves internal Mussar with their brain chatter. Tons of it is totally irrelevant to them, and they weren’t even created for so many unending lofty Madregos and dreams that will never happen. Perhaps this is a major Tikun for all of us, and despite the anxiety and depression that these unhealthy thoughts can cause you, they are still a major: מַתָּנָּה מִן הַשָּמַיִם gift from Shamayim.
All these people are true Baalei Yissurim who will be Zoche to the highest Madregos in Olam HaBah, precisely because of all that pain. However, it is important to recognize and thank for all these Mach'shavos and to accept them as Yissurim. You should feel cleansed from all your sins thanks to being such a chronic negative thinker. Of course, you need to never give up, and try to be more positive.
- “Why did I say that?”
- “How foolish I was!”
- “I’m always making mistakes and Aveiros, B’shogeg (by mistake) and even B’meizid (on purpose)!”
- “I’m so terrible!”
- “Where is your Bain Adam La'chaveiro?”
- “Where is your Yiras Shamayim??”
- “This you call learning??“
- “You daven like a Terach?!”
- “I missed the boat as usual”
- “My friends are Zoche to Torah and/or nachas and/or Hatzlacha and/or good Middos!”
All this and much more can be the biggest Bracha in your life. וְ כָּל הָּעוֹשֶּה דְבַר עֲבֵּרָּה וּמִּתְבַיֵּשׁ בָּהּ, מוֹחֲלִּין לוֹ עַל כָּל עֲוֹנוֹתָּיו ברכות יב ב If a person commits an Aveira and is ashamed of it, he is forgiven for ALL his Aveiros. And this Chazal was said about Shaul HaMelech, who was ashamed of ruthlessly wiping 85 Cohanim Tzaddikim G'murim, Baalei Ruach HaKodesh, including Achimelech, the Cohen Gadol himself. Yet, his Busha (embarrassment) took away all his sins!
