I Have So Much Ta'avos That It’s Scary!
Rabbi Akiva was in Syria and he was thrown in jail. The king sent two beautiful women to seduce him, but they spent a whole night getting nowhere. They came back to the king and told him that they’d rather die than trying to seduce Rabbi Akiva. When the king asked Rabbi Akiva why he had no interest, he replied: They smelled terrible. (Chazal).
Rabbi Akiva smelled the truth of the fallacy of a wicked: שָ אִּ ה יָ הפָ beautiful woman. When the beautiful wife of: סְ נֻרְ טֻ רוּתפֶ Turnus'ruffes dressed up and tried to seduce him, he spat and cried and laughed. (Gemara). Indeed, he made fun of sinners. (Gemara). Yet, he was almost Nichshal when Satan dressed up and tried to be Machshil (stumble) him. The same with Rabbi Meir who was also almost Nichshal. (Gemara). These people were Mamash Malachim, and yet they had an “other” side to them.
Rabbi Amram Chasida was about to be Nichshal with a beautiful woman, and he had to scream FIRE to wake everybody up, in order to save himself from sin. (Gemara). When he was יעַ בִּ שְ מַ (swore) his Yetzer Hara to leave him, it looked like a fiery column! Rabbi Chiya bar Ashi used to daven every day: "הָ רַ חֲ מָ ן יַצִּ ילֵ נִּ י מִּ יֵצֶ ר הָ רָ ע" Hashem should save me from the Yetzer Hara, and he was actually Nichshal with his own wife, whom he thought was a famous Zonah (Gemara).
The Gemara there concludes: כָל יָמָ יו שֶ ל אוֹתוֹ צַ דִּ יק הָ יָה הנֶ עַ תְ מִּ for the rest of this Tzaddik’s life, he would fast. Look how he’s called: אוֹתוֹ צַ דִּ יק “this Tzaddik” (by Chazal!) despite what he did! The Meforshim point out that although Yosef HaTzaddik wasn’t completely Matzliach in avoiding sin (since the: רַ זֶ ע seed came out of his 10 fingers, and as a result he lost 10 Shevotim) he is still the epitome and the example for Middas HaYesod.
Our Chazal encourage us constantly, and show how the greatest Tzaddikim Yesodei Olam had “scary” Yetzer Hara’s! The Gemara says that “R' Yossi”, the son of the holy Rabbi Elozor ben Rabbi Shimon, was in a: ק וּש שֶ ל זוֹנוֹת inappropriate place, and by giving him Semicha he became a holy Tanna! People are scared of their base addictions and shameful weaknesses. (Often their Mach'shavos could be much holier). Yet, with Bitachon, the worst addictions can disappear, Nothing can stand in the way of Bitachon and a person can become a symbol of Kedusha!
