Questions To Rabbi Mandel
Change The Way Others Think About You, By Changing the Way You Think About Yourself
Question: Dear Rabbi Mandel, I am a 12-year-old girl. I live in New York and I need your help. I’m a quiet girl, and by recess I don’t have anyone to play with. Recently, a few girls have taken me on as a Chesed case. They told me that if I want, I can play with them... but then they changed their mind. Yet, they didn't want to drop me completely, so they asked me if we can please plan a few set days where I tag along with them. It hurts me. What should I do?
Answer: The first thing you must do is to blow yourself up, that you are smarter than them and nicer than them. You have to brain wash yourself, with true things and (if needed) even lies, of how you are more superior than them. Make a big ego trip. After a week, you will begin to look down at them. You will have a new outlook on yourself, and these friends may even want to be with you, because you won’t see yourself as a nebach anymore. Yes, they will want to be with you!
The way to build yourself up is by saying good things about yourself. For example, maybe you have more Nisyonos than them; so you are more special. A Yiddishe outlook glorifies Yissurim and difficulties; people who don’t glorify hardships suffer. You have to realize that you are really superior than them, and the Rachmanus is on them.
I know someone who had terrible envy for his brother. His brother had everything more than him; a bigger family, more financial success, etc. I told him: Write down all your success in life, of how you are more than him, especially in Ruchaniyus, i.e., since you have more Nisyonos than him, until you look down at him that he is a nebach. After doing this for a while, do you know what happened? Whenever his brother meets him, his brother runs to him to tell him his Vertlach! And his brother compliments him, as if he’s the big guy, and he feels encouraged. It became an opposite relationship, just by changing the way he thinks. He decided: “I’m the big guy, and he’s the nebach”, and that’s what happened. That’s what you should do, too. You may be smarter or frummer than them, there are a lot of things, I’m sure you can think of many things. You are just getting caught up admiring them for all “their” stuff.
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